Thinking of leaving EC... Again

Hi there! (*hug*)

You are going to be hard pressed to find anyone who will tell you "I deal with rejection well, or really well." Rejection, no matter from what it is coming from is never easy to deal with.

If you want to talk in private you can always PM one of the staff members or another full member.

 

Hi there! Sorry to hear about your experience! An experience I can only relate to.

In my experience, I have found dating sites not to be very useful when it comes to finding someone, and actually I would not recommend any friend of mine to join a dating site. I'd actually recommend to go out and join activity/social groups, etc.. and get to know people through that.

Try not taking too personally. I know it can be hard but you can also flip the whole situation and actually say: you know what? You have just lost out on getting to know me, and what I have to offer. And if you think about it, it is true.

 

Have you tried contacting them, to see if they could give you information for something else that might be available and might not have an age restriction?

 

Why not become pro-active by offering to help in creating a group? I'm sure you would probably have a couple of opportunities to meet others through it as well!

 

Funny thing is, and for some reason, it is always the ones who feel they would not be able to create something or be a part of/involved in something new, get involved in the end.

It doesn't take a lot to call up a couple of people and ask them would you like to start meeting on a regular basis for social get togethers. That's all. If you are on a dating site and talking to people, and beginning to open up about yourself, all you would need to do is to switch the dating site for your e-mail, introduce yourself, and ask 'would you be willing to begin a social get together group?'

If this is something that is lacking in your area, I'm sure you will find others who would love to be part of it. Give it some thought.

 

You do realize that you're basically finding reasons why you can't take any of the suggestions offered, rather than genuinely trying to change your situation, right?

Here's one suggestion: If you find yourself getting attached to everyone who ever says anything nice to you... then you first need to spend some time working on yourself before seeking a relationship. Here's why: When you are using the relationship as a means to validate your worth as a human being, which is what happens when you find yourself immediately attaching to anyone who says anything nice, what you're doing is making your worth as a person dependent on what others think of you. And that's a recipe for failure. (It's also a recipe for unending failed relationships.)

You can only love someone, or accept love from someone, when you are capable of loving yourself. That's documented in Brené Brown's research on shame and vulnerability. Otherwise, what you experience isn't love; it's misplaced, and inauthentic attempts to validate your worth.

So... leaving EC isn't going to help matters. If anything it will probably make them worse. If you stick around here, talk about your issues, work through them, and actively engage and take some of the (small) risks people are encouraging you to take... you'll grow, you'll start healing the insecurities you have, and you'll become more able to love yourself, making it much easier to cultivate a healthy relationship.

As far as anyone I've spoken to knows, there isn't any other community out there like EC where you can feel the level of support and acceptance, combined with the encouragement to challenge yourself and grow. So I'd encourage you to stay, and to take another look at the suggestions above, and to keep thinking about, and working on your issues. That's where the real change is going to come from, not from a relationship you won't be able to sustain because of the current self-esteem problems.

I hope that all makes sense.

 

Don't feel like an idiot. Low self esteem plays really evil games with us. You aren't a bad person, an idiot, unlovable, or anything of the sort. You've just got some issues to work through. It ought to be proof that you're *not* an idiot that you posted talking about what you were thinking about doing, instead of just doing it. That means that part of you realized it might not be such a great idea.

So appreciate and own the part of you that's making smart decisions. Believe that you're capable of continuing to do that. And work on thinking about the things you're doing right, not punishing yourself for the things you're still working on