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Even gay people can be homophobic?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by GayWithGlasses, Nov 4, 2012.

  1. GayWithGlasses

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    It's an odd one I know, but it's something that one of my classmates (who is gay) said to me the other day:
    "OMG why are there so many people coming out of the closet, like seriously? Only a few people can be gay, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with it, but it's weird"

    At this point I just looked at him in astonishment. Did my brain actually just process that sound into words? Only a few people can be gay? We are living in the 21st century dude!

    Coming out of the closet isn't just a "trend" or a "choice" it's about being true to yourself.
    Shouldn't he of been more accepting of that?

    I don't know what he was thinking. What do you guys think?

    Natasha
     
  2. J Snow

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    Homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia are legitimate problems even within the LGBTQ community, and a lot of search has shown that many extreme homophobes are most likely closet homosexuals with extreme defense mechanisms at play.

    I'm not really sure how your friends statement was really offensive though? He was just surprised at the quantity of people coming out of the closet? I don't get now that's homophobic.
     
  3. Yuliya

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    He wants to be special by being gay that's all, he isn't homophobic
     
  4. xXPsychedelicXx

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    I agree with Yuliya. Maybe he felt unique by being one of the few gay people in your school, and now that more people have come out, he doesn't feel as unique anymore. That's what it sounds like, at least.

    But yes, homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia are massive issues, even among LGBTQ people. Sad, isn't it?
     
  5. GayWithGlasses

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    Maybe I am just sensitive. It was just the tonality of it.
     
  6. xXPsychedelicXx

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    I probably would have reacted in the same way.
    People say dumb things. :eusa_doh: :lol:
     
  7. Yuliya

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    Sometimes I think that some of my friends is "heterophobic"
     
  8. Pills

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    For sure, a lot of gays are biphobic and look down on bisexuals as strange, and weird and basically abnormal.

    I personally am not biphobic, though.
     
  9. ameliawesome

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    It sounds more like he thought homosexuality is SUPER rare and maybe can't believe how many people have come out as gay. There certainly are homosexual homophobes, but what your friend said doesn't mean he's homophobic. I remember doubting a lot of people in high school who loudly claimed to be bisexual because it looked like they just wanted attention. Your friend might feel similarly, and it's judgemental but not hateful.
     
  10. Rakkaus

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    Certainly a lot of gay people can be homophobic- mostly closeted ones.

    With out-of-the-closet queer people, as mentioned, I think the phobia tends to manifest more as L vs. G vs. B vs. T sort of things.

    But yeah, the guy in the OP doesn't sound homophobic to me. It sounds like he's only sorta joking. But if he's serious, maybe you should just remind him how it was when he was coming out, and how terrible it would have been to come out as gay only to be rejected by other gay people. This is not some private club...
     
  11. Pret Allez

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    Yes, heterosexism still exists in the queer community, although it is still controversial to say so. We sometimes have internalized heterosexism. That's when we act upon and degrade our own sense of self worth with the messages that we hear all around us on a constant basis. It's really hard to deal with sometimes. For men, hearing things like "cocksucker," "fudge packer," "faggot," and "pansy" turns parts of our identities into insults. We don't want to be those things. We want to uphold the same kind of unhealthy masculinity our straight friends do, because even if it's belligerent and insensitive, if we uphold it, then we defend ourselves from claims against our masculinity. It's part of reaction formation, which is well studied.

    Before I came out, I displayed mildly heterosexist tendencies myself. I would say "I'm for gay rights, but I think gay people are weird, and they make me uncomfortable."

    Internalized heterosexism can manifest a number of ways even after a person has come out of the closet and "accepted" him or herself. Usually, this takes the form of saying there's a "right way" to be gay, as in "manly" gay men who ostracize feminine gay men or feminine women who ostracize butch women, and so on. These are attached strongly to caustic, rigid gender roles, and a very bad political view that "if we just act normal, we'll be accepted."

    What your friend said kind of astonishes me, but I'm not too surprised. There is a noticeable minority of gay and bisexual men, especially newly out ones, who can say some really problematic things like this.

    I'm not sure how lesbians or bi women experience internalized heterosexism, but I imagine that some of it is caused by the same feelings of shame that are implanted in men; epithets like "carpet muncher," and harmful stereotypes about gender roles, and attempts to appropriate lesbian sexuality for heterosexual male fantasy all work to invalidate lesbian existence.

    As lesbian, gay, and bisexual people*, we have to be mindful of the degree to which the insults and oppression have affected us and work to turn us into the very monsters we're fighting against.

    *: I have specifically excluded trans people in this statement because many of them are straight, and I don't try to swallow them into LGB concerns. What I said does also apply to transgender people who are also gay or bisexual.
     
  12. TheSeeker

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    I absolutely agree. There is just as much variety in LGBT community as there is in the straight community, if not more so. But people in both communities seem to think that it's fair and easy to pigeon hole us. If we have learned anything by now, it should be that labeling and stereotyping are utterly pointless.

    We are all humans who love humans! What is the big deal?
     
  13. There is still work to be done in the LGBTQ community itself.
     
  14. TheSeeker

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    Thank you for having a Derpy Avatar. This pleases me...
     
  15. Lewis

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    Of course they can. I know gay guys that are homophobic towards bisexual men and lesbians. One guy I knew said bisexual people don't exist and that it's a cover up etc. I argued with him for so long about it.

    My uncle who is gay also has a problem with lesbians and says things like, 'I fucking hate dykes'...which I also really disagree with.
     
  16. Hard Candy

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    I think in psychology it's called projection. They criticize people for the things they do, because subconsciously those are the things they want to do but they do not have the courage to do so, or because those are the things they do not like about themselves so seeing other people have the same qualities ticks them off. It's some sort of coping mechanism.
     
  17. Miz Purple

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    *sigh* I'm sick of being told bi,s don't exsist, just because people can't understand how I'm attracted to both doesn't mean it doesn't exsist.The really sad part is all the insults I get are from gays and lesbians. Why can't they just respect ? They get enough grief from the straight world you would think they could be understanding, and yet I get more respect from straight people then LG.
     
  18. stonewalk

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    this whole subject line has always mystified/confused/and occasionally hurt me. when i was struggling to understand my sexuality and having heard/been told (whatever) that bisexuality isnt real it made it much harder for me while i was trying to figure myself out.
     
  19. Linthras

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    The Republican party has several examples of homophobic LGBT people.
     
  20. Cassandra

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    He seems to feel special being gay. Too much people becoming like him, takes away that "special" part of him, and hence, he doesn't like it.