Note: I don't think homosexuality/bisexuality makes you a sexual deviant. So my obsession has kept going and I'm still performing the compulsion of trying to get off to gay fantasies. I was fantasizing and I got ANOTHER semi-hard on, and when I kept trying to get off on it I got soft. I kept trying and couldn't get anything from that point forward. I have been confused about why I get spontaneous semi-hard ons but it never gets fully erect and I can never get off when I try. So I performed an experiment by thinking of the sexual activities that gave me semi-erections but not with guys or with females (with...DEVIANT ideas that I knew were foriegn to my desires) and when I thought about these acts I ALWAYS got a semi-erection..no matter what I was thinking about. So could it be that thinking of certain sexual acts being performed on me just kinda turn me on a bit (no matter who or what is involved)? Or is it that I'm just sexually attracted to men and all the other very weird things I thought about? I mean there's no doubt that thinking of those certain sexual acts get me semi-hard no matter what or when I think about, but I'm not sure that's normal. I figured it had to be OCD because if I think about guys in a fantasy in any other scenario (kissing, etc.) I get no arousal, if I watch gay porn, I get no arousal. Thoughts?
You're obsessing over this. You've said it yourself and we went through this last time, more likely than not you are not gay and are simply obsessing over this. If you aren't getting a significant sexual response thinking about _____, then you probably aren't interested in ____. And yes, that means you likely aren't a sexual deviant.
I just feel like...if it moves, I must be into it..more than likely that's not the case though because I thought of some weirrrrd stuff and got a response.
But you said you aren't getting hard when you're thinking of these things. So unless our definitions of "sexually aroused" are vastly different, I'm pretty sure you're not that into them.
No I've never gotten a full blown erection from the thoughts. At the most it gets it's semi hard then I'll keep going and it goes back down...but that only happens when I think of 2 certain acts (and like I said it gets semi hard no matter who or what I think about..things O KNOW I'm not into it still gets semi hard). When I think of those acts with a female though I get a full blown erection until I get off, and when I think about any other act with a guy it doesn't move an inch..
I get hard at the sheer thought of sex itself, not necessarily a gender. I sometimes get hard without thinking of anything whatsoever, it just happens. Stop worrying!
Why do you feel the need to get off on gay/bi porn? If it's not for you, you're clearly not queer. I don't see why you think that's a problem. Either way there's nothing wrong with you. About your last sentence, not all people get aroused by porn. ---------- Post added 7th Nov 2012 at 09:20 PM ---------- :this: 2. Phallometric test (studying erectile reactions) have been deemed unreliable by many scientists because of the above.
And I'll throw in that I don't get hard unless I'm being touched down there no matter what I think about or watch.
Ive been diagnosed with OCD and have been dealing with it for 5 years now..a lot of different obsessive themes and compulsions. Sexual related obsessions are common with OCD and the particular fear of homosexuality has been known to occur with (mostly straight) patients. I'm thinking this could be OCD but the thing with the obsessive themes is that tend to latch on to things that for the most part can't be proven or disproven, and so we compulse (in my case trying to fantasize about guys) very excessively (I perform this compulsion 20+ times a day). There's always a doubting factor involved with OCD though so even though the majority of the time I perform these fantasies and they do nothing for me...I still have the doubt that I may be gay.
Only thing I can advise is to get help from a psychiatrist. Other than that I can only say, it doesn't matter whether you're gay or not and what you do or do not get aroused by.
Ok, bare in mind I"m not a counselor, I'm just trying to take things from another point of view. If I understand correctly you're obsessing about the fact you could be gay and so you're performing compulsion to prove or disprove to yourself that you're gay. That's right ? So lets stop for a minute and lets imagine that you're indeed gay. Then what ? What would that change for you if you happened to be gay ? What difference would that make for you ?
Then I could move on with my life at least. My problem is dealing with the doubt and obsessive nature that comes with OCD. I just want to live my life, and so I'll keep searching for an answer or sign so that I can do it. Having OCD, my brain doesn't work that way. I know most people don't have to deal with OCD in their life so it's hard for most to understand. Anyone with OCD will tell you that it's ALMOST impossible to just stop thinking about the particular obsessive themes that we go through though.
Well Im not the type of person who CAN just let it go. All I know is 99% of the time I can't get aroused at all by men. Only way I can get a little arousal is if I think of a particular sensation I have loved when getting a BJ from girl in the past. I get a little aroused though of I think of that sensation with things "other" than men and women too though) so it may not be indicative of an actual desire for the person or...things (lol) involved the fantasies more so than I'm getting aroused by a sensation that I just happen to love. But I can't 100% prove that's the case (even though I'm 95% sure that's the case); and the fact that uncertainty still remains for me keeps the obsession going. ---------- Post added 8th Nov 2012 at 02:44 PM ---------- Yeah I have but the process of getting my medications and getting into appointments right now has been slow so it's tough. There are even times when I feel that it would just be easier to truly be gay or bi (and get off when compulsing) and I try my hardest to get off to the fantasies, but it doesn't work for me. I just want to end this obsessive cycle, it's truly debilitating.
If I understand correctly, you would be fine with being gay, or bi, but that's the fact you're not sure about this that keeps the compulsion going ? Ok, so, what about telling yourself (I don't know how, maybe write it down on a paper and read it out loud when you feel the need to perform the compulsion) that it's ok to be yourself ? (or to be gay, or bi, or not entirely straight, whatever message you feel comforting). Is that something you think could help somehow ?
I mean I love females, so naturally that's what I want. I want the obsessions to stop so if by chance I discovered I was gay or bi, but it would make the torment stop then so be it. But I don't know, maybe something like that could work. The key to beating OCD is to rid yourself of the anxiety by exposing yourself to the obsession and stopping the compulsions. It's called exposure response prevention and it's what my therapist plans to do with me.
I think you're a human, and I think you're experiencing the very natural after-effects of hormones. I wouldn't give myself a negative title like 'sexual deviant' just because you're curious about the capacity of your sexuality.
Alright! I think I'm going through the EXACT OPPOSITE of what you're going through. Which is okay. What this means is the logic seems to be the same. With me, every time I see an anime girl/any girl with HUGE tits, my brain goes "getabonergetabonergetabonergetaboner" and actually tries to make me aroused, when there ends up being no luck. On the RARE occasion that I do get a boner, it's not even for 15 minutes, while I seem to stay aroused for up to hours with guys. Just flip-flopping the sexes, is this what you're going through?
Somewhat, at first when my obsession started I would try to fantasize about the same sex and look at gay porn and would never get an erection. But through time I thought maybe I wasn't getting an erection because I was in denial. Eventually it got to the point where I forced myself to try to like it just so I wouldn't feel as if I was in denial. But still I get nothing even when I try that it's crazy. ---------- Post added 9th Nov 2012 at 06:21 PM ---------- It's hard to explain, but I don't know if I could even consider myself to be curious. I know I love girls and I only want to be with them. I'm kinda desensitized to the gay porn thing now but when I first started obsessing about this I was always turned off completely from. As I said in my last post, the doubt of my OCD (assuming its the problem but who knows) made me feel like I was in denial so I've been trying to force myself to enjoy it. I basically never get erections thinking of them, but I have to confirm this by my compulsion (trying to masturbate to gay fantasies) or else the anxiety will get out of control again. That's why I usually perform my compulsion 20 or more (there was literally a 3 day stretch when it was all I did all day and night haha) times a day; I've been trying my hardest not to compulse though recently.
