Late Bloomers?

Hmm sometimes I wonder too. I haven't done anything with a guy or girl. Mainly because I thought I was really picky with guys, but then I realized that I was just gay I started questioning at about 16-17ish. Up until that point I just thought I was completely uninterested in guys. Then it took me a good while to accept the fact that I was gay. Since I've accepted it,I'm not really in a rush to get a girlfriend, I guess I would just like to meet other lesbian/bi girls first before I delve into that one. It's kind of hard though because some lesbian/bi girls are hard to spot...at least for me. I sometimes feel out of place though because I often hear about people getting in relationships and stuff at younger ages and I'm just like "I must've been skipped" lol I don't mind it though.. Lol I don't even know if that was what you were asking, oh my I'm rambling again...my bad.

 

Yeah I feel like you too. I'm a late bloomer also. There's a lot of things I haven't done that most people my age have done. I figured my sexuality out when I was 19 but I'm not really out and I feel like my generation is already out by the time their my age. I didn't hang out with people outside of school until I was 16 and even then it was maybe once a month. I haven't had sex either and I dated one person briefly but I haven't been in a real relationship yet. I haven't done a lot of things that most people my age have done like even go to a Halloween party. I'm a senior at my college but there's a lot of events that I haven't been to that are sort of a right of passage at my school but I didn't go since I didn't have people to go with and it would bore me going by myself Also most people my age have found a niche among friends or something they're passionate about (doesn't have to even be a career but just something they love) and I haven't. I lack common sense with some basic social skills and real life skills because I'm slow sometimes.

I feel very much the same so you're not alone (*hug*) It really bothers me too but I don't know how to catch up with everyone else.

 

Are you one of the twins I was separated from at birth? Because I feel like this isn't the first time I've related this much to one of your posts, or vice versa.

I had a fair number of friends in middle school, but that was largely because it was a small middle school and the teachers forced us all to get to know each other. In high school, I had just about no friends freshman year, only really entered my main group of friends sophomore year, and didn't make many friends beyond that group until senior year (but when I realized how much better those friends were than that one group, I wished I had started earlier).

In college, I didn't really become socially active until sophomore year, which is the time when, in my mind, I really "bloomed" as a person. That was when the most significant years of my life started. Everything before then pales in comparison; when I look back at the years of my life before sophomore year of college and compare them to my years since then, they're as different as those black-and-white scenes in a commercial and the later color scenes that advertise the product. And even then, I feel like I bloomed even more over the last summer in regards to becoming a more mature, "grown up" person.

So yeah, I'm definitely a late bloomer. I think it's in large part due to my fear of the unknown and my greater-than-usual fear of stepping outside of my comfort zone. Sometimes there are times when I wish I could just do it, just do whatever it is that's outside of my comfort zone that will clearly lead to some kind of result I want (like talking to guys, or applying to summer positions, or to grad schools other than the one at the university I'm currently going to), and I'm definitely getting better at stepping outside of my comfort zone and generally doing things that make me nervous. But it's still an uphill battle.

 

Though I had friends in primary school, outside of school, I never did the whole clubbing/partying thing during high school. I came out when I was 20, only dated 2 women and am still a virgin.
It might not be common, but neither does it mean you're a late bloomer. Some people, especially introverted people, just are not that outgoing and consequently also don't make dozens of friends nor do they date frequently.

Or you're just more careful, like me.

The important thing is that you feel secure with your identity and personality, no matter how long it takes to discover it.
Sure, I feel jealous of friends who have been in a romantic and even sexual relationship for years, but I'd rather be sure and confident of myself than risking sloppy and short relationships.

tl:dr: First be confident and happy with yourself, life will still be out there waiting for you.

 

I can definitely relate to this. I often feel like I didn't make the most of my time at school/university and its only recently that I've started to get out there and socialise more. I've still got a long way to go but better late than never :icon_bigg

 

^This + pretty much everything else that's been said on this thread.

I rarely hung out with friends outside of school between elementary and high school, and very few of those people were true friends. It wasn't until college that I began really hanging out with and finding people that shared similar interests. Even then it was a rocky adjustment and I was very guarded initially. It wasn't until junior year that I really felt myself opening up to people and letting out those parts of my personality that I had hid in fear of being made fun of when I was a kid (when I began the closet phase). Although progress was made, I still never did much partying, bar-hopping, or even going out to restaurants. I lived in the city I went to university at (for both my Bachelor's and Master's degrees) for 7 years and only went out to a small percentage of the restaurants or bars there.

But after my undergrad degree I didn't keep in as much contact with friends from that period, partly because I really started feeling alienated and alone while in the closet as others' lives progressed. It wasn't until my third year in grad school that I finally began coming out (a few months before I turned 25). Coming out didn't solve every problem though and I still have never had a gay relationship or had sex yet. I dated a few girls in high school, but those weren't really meaningful relationships and they never went beyond kissing.

However, despite how lonely I feel sometimes I can't bring myself to throw myself into the gay hook-up scene or online dating. I made out with a random guy that was hitting on me at a gay bar once and it just didn't feel right and I didn't let it go anywhere. I feel like at this point I need to let something organic happen at its own pace, because I can't have sex with just any warm body with a penis. The physical attraction AND the emotional/romantic attraction need to be there for me to willingly let myself be intimate with someone. I'm not asexual, but I am definitely not sexual enough to be a slut like a lot of the gay guys I've seen. I can't for the life of me understand how anyone could lower themselves to fuck a random stranger that they have no emotional investment in or use a digital phone app to basically GPS the location of other gay guys for such hook-ups! I certainly wouldn't want to date anyone that does that shit either, because they probably have way more fucked up emotional problems than I do. I wouldn't let myself trust anyone who has had a lot of sexual partners either.

Out of college now, I'm applying for jobs in other cities/states, so hopefully a new social scene will provide opportunities to meet someone who's openly gay, available, and compatible that I'm attracted to....

Yep, definitely a late bloomer and still waiting for more things to bloom in my life.

 

I'm pretty much the same as you. I've never had a lot of friends and I'm not very close with the few that I have. I've also never been the outgoing type, but that's probably because I'm so introverted. Due to all of that, I never progressed in dating/relationships/sexual encounters either, as up to now I still haven't had anything more intimite than a friendly kiss on a cheek, so I totally understand your feeling of being a late bloomer.

The problem I'm feeling is that I have no idea how to even engage in anything. I don't know what the "social convention" is in doing anything with other people, be it just wanting to hang out with them (like I never know if it's ok to just stop by a friends house or to call him for a drink to hang out or if that's too intrusive so I never do it), or get to know someone new, or maybe at some point even try to meet someone special. I never know how I should act or what to say and I feel like all of that is a consequence of not being so socially involved in earlier years. I'm trying to be more active now, but it's not easy, especially when seing other people doing it naturally.

Also I agree completely with PerfectInsanity about the part, where I could never see myself in hook-ups or online dating. I see it as something impersonal if there is no real connection other than lust. If I ever have any sexual experience with anyone, it will be with someone that will mean something to me and me to him.

It just seems really hard to get there as all of it is just so unnatural to us, but like Owen nicely said, I guess we just have to keep stepping outside of our comfort zone and do the best we can to get there.

 

Yup I'm in the same boat, there are times when I feel like I've missed out on living life and I wish I could have been more social in my high school years. I went through an eating disorder and depression during those years so totally closed myself off to everyone, even my family. Just now, I'm starting to socialize again and make new friends, and I enjoy going out and meeting people. But it has taken a lot to get to this point. I still have those days where I want to close myself off, but I try to have a balance of being social and doing things and staying at home all day.

 

Well I'm 17 and still haven't had one iota of puberty so I must be doing something late…

 

wow, I am going through the exact same thing, I never had friends in middle school or high school, I have a few people now, but not many close friends, and I've never been in a relationship before, but I'm just starting college. Either way I feel like I've already lost so much time that I don't know how to get back.