I had a straight friend in high school. He was the most popular guy in school, incredibly good looking, and sort of a bully. I think he was even homophobic. But he's like an epitome of masculinity and macho-ness But when we reached college, he became gay. Like, effeminate, soft type. He is noit even close to straight guys anymore, and just hangs out with his girl friends. And opened p to me so this isn't a scheme to just get in girls' pants. Anyone had this experience too? And does that mean he was gay even before, not just realize it? I mean, I never thought I would become gay, and no one did, because I'm quite manly. But I never reached the point where I become effeminate. I just thought a transition as far as that is quite unlikely.
Unlikely I guess, but obviously not impossible. I mean, first of all, people don't turn gay. You're born gay. And how masculine/feminine someone is has absolutely nothing to do with their sexuality whatsoever. Sure, some things are correlated, i.e. feminine men are more likely to be gay, but that doesn't mean that all feminine men are. I think the more likely explanation is that in high school he put on an act, like many LGBT people are wont to do, because the immaturity and cruelty of children to other children is almost unspeakable sometimes. Maybe in high school he never really enjoyed sports or NASCAR or whatever it is straight boys talk about and enjoy. And maybe all he really wanted was some Gaga and a decent nail file in his life? Don't look at it like a willful transition because it most likely isn't. I think the more likely explanation is that he's finally allowing himself to just be himself. Now that he's out, I think he just wants to explore his personality, find out what he really likes after all this time. It's sort of like a pendulum. He's been locked into the masculine side for a long time. Now that he's free to swing along the spectrum, the arc will widen at first, and then naturally settle into a more organic place.
It makes sense the homophobic people tend to be that way because they are afraid of there own feelings and have to persecute other people for being that way...
Mmhmm, my guess is it was all an act as well. And then he hit college, came out, and started being himself. Good for him. Of course I'm not him, so I can't speak for him, that would just be my sort-of-assumption/guess.
I know alot of macho guys from highschool who turned out to be gay once they moved to college. it wasnt that they changed, it was just that they were freer to express themselves as gay once they were around people they hadn't grown up with. it came down to the soical pressures of keeping an image that grew up around them, and fear of rejection. I talked to one a few months ago who I suspected was gay when we were in highschool together, but never said anything; he told me his mother was pressueing him in highschool to bite the bullet, instead of living a lie to please others. he didnt, and regrets it now, since his friends accepted him even after he came out in college. Sadly, he said he would have totally dated me in highschool if we had both been out, and I kinda wish that too, because not only was he/is he hot, but he also was a geinuenly great guy.
I've known several people, particularly from small towns, rural areas, or otherwise homophobic places, that, when closeted, went out of their way to be extra-macho and masculine. But now that they're out... as they feel more comfortable with themselves... they "relax" and the true self comes out. I don't think it's common to go from uber-macho to super flamer, but it happens, and that can be a sign of someone who is truly comfortable with himself, willing to be vulnerable and really let himself come across authentically. I've known other people who, when they first came out, "tried on" several different personas, affects, ways of being, simply because they thought they should do that. But once they got comfortable, they were who they were, and sometimes that was super femme, sometimes in the middle, and sometimes very "straight acting." I'd say kudos to your friend for finding the courage and the vulnerability to be himself
Of course you havent, because you are feminine. I think that from the way the title to this thread was phrased and its contents, that you are misinterpreting sexuality and personality. Homosexuality in men has nothing to do with their naturally levels of masculinity and femininity. He couldnt be himself in highschool because he would be scrutinized. He didnt become "gayer" in college, he let his guard down and expressed himself. You didnt do that because you arent as feminine as he is. Its simple. Trust me, most people dont recognize it, but femininty in men is critized much more harshly than sexuality.
I know quite a few people who came out of the closet. One guy i went to High School with i kinda predicted he was gay when he came out he was very flamboyant and feminine eventuality he calm down and became him self which he became a very nice mature guy. i say give him sometime to find his groove he will be himself soon
Well it was likely that underneath, that was him all along. Acting macho and bullying was his (maybe inappropriate) way of dealing with it. High school is a strange environment, nobody is themselves. I know people that were the most nasty people you could ever meet at high school and treated people like dirt, but now are the kindest people you could ever know. School is one big facade.
Hi, I see you're from Makati. I think it's funny that he turned really gay in college. Maybe he was cursed by an evil witch to become gay, hehehe! Have you seen the movie zombadings?