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But, don't straight people have these thoughts?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Robin Vote, Dec 5, 2012.

  1. Robin Vote

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    Okay, so here's one of the little somethings that keeps me questioning:

    Do straight people also get a little flustered by same-sex interactions that might be sexy or romantic? Do they mean it when they flirt, tease, joke, etc? What is that?

    To clarify, I am not straight but then... who knows what the hell I really feel right now. That's all in the rock tumbler for now. I'm also not hurt or insulted by my friends who make light of same-sex attraction when they clearly are straight as an American flagpole.

    I have always felt attractions to women at various levels/depths - from romantic admiration to "turned on." Most of my life I have been confounded by moments of flustering, clumsy attraction for the sex I'm "not supposed to" like - according to my straight identification up to now. But I have also noticed men to similar degrees.


    I wish I could get some insight into this question: Relationships and romantic interactions aside, isn't that what everyone is like?


    I just wonder if my straight girl friends really mean it when they casually say things like, "She's kind of turning me on right now," or "I'd hit that." Of course I know they are making jokes, but where would they come from if they don't mean it a little? And when they openly admire some star or athlete or beautiful woman - using words like sexy, hot, gorgeous, fit, etc... What is that? I could play devil's advocate here and say that sexuality is always a little fluid in everyone - but for the sake of interrogating this straight oddity, I'm not satisfied by that.

    Let's pick it apart.

    How could I know that my attraction to women isn't about the same level as any other straight girl's admiration/attraction?

    What's beyond the "straight" line, anyway? "We're all a little gay" doesn't cut the mustard, does it?

    I know it's all about what you want and who you want to be with in various terms... but still! Just for the sake of looking at the commonly accepted boundaries and blurring them - what is all of this?

    ---------- Post added 5th Dec 2012 at 11:34 PM ----------

    I get nervous around the right women - those that I notice or who might even turn me on a little in close quarters. I have always felt flustered by contact from any girl I admired that wasn't like family to me. I can't joke about who I'd "hit" (such a funny way to put it) and I've never been able to take that kind of joking without getting embarrassed and deftly brushing it off. I used to get automatically nervous and weird whenever homo talk made its way into conversation of playfulness. I used to thinks this was because I was just super awkward and straight. Now I really think it's because I'm super awkward and NOT straight.
     
  2. justinf

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    No, when your straight friends say those kinds of things about someone of the same sex, they do not mean it literally. I have lots of straight friends who say things that go even further than the things you mention, to the point where they graphically, completely detailed, explain to each other what they would do to certain guys. However, I'm pretty sure they would never ever even consider doing anything sexual with a guy. It's all great fun talking about it, but when it comes down to it they won't do it.

    The thing that we probably all have in common regardless of sexual orientation, is that we recognize when someone is good looking, or attractive. My straight guys can pick out the attractive guys from a crowd. They may not even choose the same guys, they may have different "taste." But just because a guy is attractive in their eyes, doesn't mean they are attracted to them. I think that's the difference.. straight people recognize when someone of the same sex is attractive, whereas gay/bisexual people are attracted to them.

    When you see a beautiful girl, and you're attracted to her, you most likely have a desire to maybe try and get to know her and be close to her, whether that be emotionally or physically. For your straight friends who see that same beautiful girl, they will recognize she's attractive, but they won't have that desire to get close to her, maybe just to admire her from a distance. Now obviously you will not have that desire with every single attractive girl you see, either.. but you will have it every now and then. Your straight friends never will.

    I hope that made sense. I don't think we're all a little gay, I just think we all know when someone is beautiful, and some people just aren't afraid to let others know.
     
    #2 justinf, Dec 5, 2012
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2012
  3. Robin Vote

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    :slight_smile: That was great, thanks!

    I guess it's just hard for me to imagine that anyone wouldn't be flustered, bashful, attracted to, or turned on by any attractive person in the right conditions - flirting, closeness, sweetness...

    I guess that's just a part of myself that, though I'm sure I share with many, I shouldn't project onto everyone. It's good to read that you think this response is indeed something outside of the straight end of the spectrum.
     
  4. TheUndiscovered

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    It's a bit odd how open straight guys can be to discussing what they would do sexually to each other and yet how homophobic the same person can be. The fact that someone I may consider to be 100% straight jokes around about having his way with another guy that I also think is 100% straight can at times puzzle me about my feelings toward someone of the same and opposite sex.

    Sometimes I will see a beautiful woman and have this moment of "She is so beautiful." What does that mean? Am I bi now? There's that knowledge that she's beautiful but is what I feel compared to that of one of my straight friends or is it simply recognizing she is an attractive person? Where is the line drawn between knowing someone is attractive and being attracted to them? Sometimes I have trouble identifying this.
     
    #4 TheUndiscovered, Dec 5, 2012
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  5. Robin Vote

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    And then, to stir up the issue a little, there are other things that play into this.

    Covetousness, for example. How many times might one misplace this feeling as desire? Not that I agree with Lacan, here, but it must certainly play its part in casual attractions. Is it the root of the straight teases? Sometimes. Maybe even of actual homosexual feelings, too.

    And what about the difference between how straight men play with homoerotic jokes versus how straight women might flirt with one another as a form of affection? And of course there are exceptions, but I see a profound difference there.
     
  6. justinf

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    What do you mean with that?
     
  7. TheEdend

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    There are some emotions that are just really hard to put in paper. The one that always helps put things in perspective is to try and describe what an orgasm feels like. If you give it a try, its really hard to explain to someone else. Same goes with the feeling we get that just simply makes us attracted to someone. It just sort of happens.

    What makes your attraction different to the other girls that play around with it and just do it as a joke? The main difference is that, even if they do have some attraction to the same-sex, the feelings are so minor that they don't give them a second thought. They don't worry about it, they don't over think it and they don't have the need to break it apart. That attraction is just not there.

    Not sure about you, but I personally like asking people questions and comparing notes. So, go ahead and do just that. We have two straight girls on staff that you can approach and I'm positive that they will try to help you as much as they can :slight_smile:
     
  8. IanGallagher

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    I've actually never heard that from a straight guy unless he was joking around and you could tell he was joking around...

    I just see the main indicator as crushes. With fluctuations it gets difficult lol. Right now I have a crush on a guy at a paper company that I deliver things to. At my past job I had a crush on a girl that worked in the office. Same exact feelings. Same exact pull. They held the same power over me lol. Maybe it's better to not define it? I'm usually a kinsey 2 when all is said and done, but when I'm extremely horny I'm a pure 3 lol then sometimes a 4 and yet sometimes a 1 as well.

    I'd say the difference is straight people are joking and they usually say it in one a way to make sure those around them know they're just joking. Whereas LGBT people - time actually does stop for that cut boy or hot girl or both that walks past.
     
  9. Robin Vote

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    I just mean the difference between joking for fun and play-flirting to show affection. I don't know about guys, but girls do it all the time. It even stretches pretty far among the closer and less conservative types - even if the overall sentiment is totally straight affection and companionship.

    That kind of thing has always driven me crazy with frustration - the play-flirting. It's just amazing to me that every other girl (or guy in the case of male-flirting for companionship?) isn't right there with me in the awkward attraction and butterflies zone.
     
  10. tapsilog2012

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    Gotta say, I know EXACTLY what you mean by the playful straight girl flirting. Drives me absolutely crazy. Usually girls that do it the most are really attractive too :icon_redf
     
  11. myheartincheck

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    Women can be "comfortable with their sexuality" and still act like lesbians but they aren't. It drives me crazy!
    I used to think I was just comfortable with myself when I would flirt with my gal pals and it was normal to be all touchy feely and smooches with women... course I ended up being a lesbo so.... :confused:
     
  12. Filip

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    I am pretty sure there's a qualitative difference. Or at least, for me there is.

    I will, for example, sometimes act pretty flirty towards both male and female friends. And to an objective onlooker, it might be indistinguishable from real romantic flirting. But for me, it's really more a battle of wits. Of finding polite words of saying dirty things. Of one-upping each other in puns. Of making the other go "wait, did he just say what I think he said?". And sometimes to give honest compliments I somehow can never give directly.
    Even my straightest friends take to the "oh noes, Filip is winning me over!" role occasionally.

    But... once the evening is over and we all go home, that's where it ends. I go home, read a book, turn over in bed, and sleep. At most, I'll try to remember a particularly witty line and mentally file it for further use. all of my friends know I'm gay and that I'm not really going after the girls or trying to convert the straight guys.
    (Ironically, with my one close gay friend... I'll act totally stereotypically straight, and never act flirty in the slightest. Too much room for confusion there).


    With gay guys that might be interested... I have way less experience. Only with one guy, really. But there, there is a very clear distinction: it means a whole lot more. I do end up thinking of it afterwards, recapping and trying to find better lines next time. I wonder where it all will lead. It doesn't just wash out of my mind like the other kind of flirting does.


    Now, on one occasion, I did get into trouble, as I was doing the first kind, to a girl who was convinced it was the second kind. But I guess that just proves it doesn't mean the same for everyone at all times.
     
  13. Hard Candy

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    I have no opinion on this, I just wanna tell you that I love how you stated your question with a "but."
     
  14. I couldn't agree more. I "flirt" with friends all the time, but flirting in this case is more of a game, a battle of wits, as Filip said. It is just how my group of friends interact. When I actually like someone, however, I find I am incapable of flirting because I become so damn shy.
     
  15. Pain

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    I jokingly flirt with friends all the time, regardless of the orientation. However, your post reminds me of a talk I had with a friend of mine last night: she was upset for living the single life, and bored with what that had to offer to her. She tells me, "I know that this might be offensive and weird to answer, but if you were straight, would you date me?"

    I had to answer "I don't know, sure, I guess...?" The reason being, I am not attracted to women. Therefore, I wouldn't know if I would have a type, if I would think that she would be beautiful to my eyes if I were straight. I can't answer her question definitively because I have no idea if I would date her if I were straight. I don't know what that's like.
     
  16. DeeBubbs

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    I've noticed a lot of the same kinds of things! I've definitely been frustrated with the "affection-flirting", especially when I was still really struggling with my sexuality. I was in a sorority at a very liberal, liberal-arts college, and there was so much snuggling going on! Some went as far as butt-touching and kiss-on-the-cheek stuff, which I found just insane..!! Just the cuddling was hard for me with my Big and my Little!! Now I understand better the difference between my own feelings of being truly physically attracted to someone, and just having "I really want to be this person's friend" feelings..!! :slight_smile:
     
  17. edy

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    No, they just like to act like dumb
     
    #17 edy, Jun 1, 2014
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  18. Rosepetal

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    no we straight ppl are not ruthless bitches
     
  19. straightqueer20

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    I agree with this deeply.