It's the night of the Homecoming Dance at my high school, and I'm at home, on the computer. I've always hated dances, ever since junior high. The last one I went to was in 7th grade--I'm a junior in high school now. But even though I think they're boring, stupid, and an oppressive symbol of heteronormativity, I can't help but feel depressed whenever one of the big ones roll around. Homecoming. Prom. Whatever. It doesn't matter, they're all the same. And they all send the same message--one of exclusion--telling me that I don't belong. I mean, you've got your king and your queen. and everyone coupled up, and they'd all stare and give you looks if you brought with you someone of the same sex. I know I'd hate to be in that kind of environment. Now I realize I could always go with a group, but it's not the same as going with a real date. And what's depressing me is the thought that I may never get that chance. Well, I don't know anymore. Anyone else ever feel this way?
Well Triplume. Right now i want to give you a big hug cuz this sucks. But i can't say i still feel the same about homecoming as you do as of this moment. I used to but then i thought; The world won't change without our will. People are coming out all over the place in my school and quite frankly. No one seems to care all that much. And if it's happening here it won't be long heading over your way, this massive storm wiping out homophobia. Right now it probably sucks that your school may or may not be as accepting, but you can't change that overnight. But something you can do is work on how much you care about what they think. And although i believe we get multiple reincarnations, that is no excuse to make this one a dress rehearsal. We have to expierence as much as we can in this world and it's quite sad to miss out on such a memory as prom or homecoming. If someone gives you and your future partner dirty looks when (not if because someone as good hearted as you shouldn't be depreived of such a night) you go together, flip 'em off. Who cares what they think when they grow older do you really think you're going to mean anything to these assholes? You're nothing more to them than gossip and thats ok because i'm sure you have many great friends who you do mean the world to. So why care so much about these people that snicker behind your backs, you can't stop them, but you can spite them by doing what you do anyway. Bring you partner and show them that you don't care. My homecoming and prom won't have any heteronormality if i got two cents to do about it. And believe me if i can come to grasp this concept im sure you will too. Where there's a will there's a way.
I totally understand you and am sad for you! Hi, Triplume! Let me quickly introduce myself, since I don't think we've ever spoken. I'm LowestVocal, you may call me LV, if you like. I'm a fairly old member on this board; I haven't been here for a while though. I don't know when you joined, but how are you enjoying this board so far? I can totally relate to your situation. I'm not a dance-going or social event type person, but I'll say I'd felt the same way you did during my early years of high-school when I did attend a few dances. That's why those two or three times that I did attend a dance, I always went alone. Part of it also had to do with me being introverted, but enough of that for now. Unfortunately, what's hard for you and me right now is that the U.S., once known for it's gay rights revolution, is now lagging behind her fellow western sisters, such as Britain, Canada, Denmark, SPAIN (they have LEGAL homosexual marriage now, this CATHOLIC Country!!), Sweden, and a few others. Europeans and Canada are SOOOO much more broad-minded when it comes to sexual orientation. It's really heart-breaking that the Superpower of the world has to be one that holds this bigotry; What's even worse is that she doesn't even admitt to it! It's infuritating. Have you looked into gay proms and gays dances? I don't know about Minnesota, but I vaguely know that there have been a few in states such as California. You might want to look into that if you want to attend a school dance or a dance for people your age. I'm think right now how I can possibly help you. Even though you hate school dances, going to a dance overwhelmingly populated by those of your sexual-orientation may feel different. You have so much more fun because you're surrounded by people who not only accept you, but are just like you. This is just something for you to consider. Let me ask a question: do you dislike school dances just because you aren't a dancer, or do you dislike them because they make you feel lonely because you feel you can't fit in well if you bring a male date? If dances just aren't your thing is why you don't go, you should always look for other places and events where the people there are exclusively or overwhelmingly gay. I can bet it'll make you feel better! For one, you hang out here, right? How cool would it be to be in a place where you can be with those people in person?? I think that's pretty cool. See, I've personally never been in a physical environment where people are all or mostly gay and/or bisexual, but I know for a fact I would feel awsome if I was ever in such an environment; I'm sure many gay people would feel the same way. In the meantime, all we can do is hold our hands together and hope for a brighter day, when American realizes what she's doing to us. This is not just unfavorable and displeasing to gays and those who support gays, this is NOT OKAY! It's not! This present attitude of the U.S. not only hurts us, it really affects our lives. Think about marriage, think about simply walking down the streets, being able to hold your husband's or your boyfriend's hand. I personally cannot imagine a good life without both. :icon_wink
Sorry, Triplume. I realized that I typed a lot. LOL! I'm sure you probably won't even read everything that I said, and I totally understand that. But just remember, if you feel left out of school dances, you can always attend an event, such as a dance, that's exclusively or dominantly gay. I'll try to find something in Minnesota for you when I have the time. I hope I helped even the smallest bit, whether it's me shining a light or me just simply making you feel better. *hugs* You're not alone. :icon_wink
not to burst your bubble or anything....but i just found out today i was nominated for king haha...a lot of ppl at school know im gay too!
Congratulations nk 1114, I hope you are working on a date and considering what happens when you win. There was a cool movie called Prom Queen with a happy end, similar situation. That must be a damn tough decision (to bring a guy to the prom). Wish you luck! And Triplume, I didn't get to go to the HS prom in my day because I couldn't find a suitable date. It's a memory I'd like to have but don't:tantrum: . You still have a year to give it a shot, with a boyfriend. Maybe some of the other juniors and seniors here can report a success story from homecoming or the prom. Lorenz
Well at my school, a straight guy took another guy as his partner to "make a point." I thought that was pretty neat. Anyway - I'm looking forward to next year. Yes I'm taking a guy and I'll be damned if I let a few stares ruin my night. I don't know how it'll go..but I'll let you all know
6 years ago, I moved away from a nice public school with twice the heart. I now attend a dumpy public school, and I really wish, only for prom, that I could go back. To tell you the truth, I dont think that our prom is even a wonderous memory for the straight kids here... in Middleton, it is. My brother graduated the year before we moved. His prom was incerdible. There was a gay couple there and EVERYONE cheered. Me too, even though I had no idea why. It's a little depressing that I am willing to let go of this, but in an "institution" like my school, I cant afford to mess things up with coming out. Its not worth it. I have the whole rest of my life. Congrats to all of you who went, even more so to those of you who were with the person you wanted to be with. And goodluck to everyone else.
I've just thought of a really interesting way to come out to my best friend... Our college's homecoming is coming up in 2 weeks (as i was reminded today). I could talk about that, and asked if he's thought about it (the event in general) at all. If I can steer the conversation to the topic of dates, I might be able to get him to ask me if I'm taking anyone. If people ask me directly whether I'm gay or not, or if they ask a questions that relate to dating, I'm not affraid to tell them I'm gay. It's just me initiating it that I'm having 'fun' with...
i went to my first homecoming last night and had the time of my life. im a senior now so i wont be able to go to anymore. u know i used to think a lot like triplume about these dances, but i realized that it really doesnt matter who you go with--just have fun. i went with 2 girl friends of mine and when we took pictures, there was a couple right before us. 2 girls. it made me smile and im just like, yeah, thats really cool. i kinda regret not going my past years now...but there's always prom, and this time maybe ill take a REAL date
I haven't been to homecoming the past two years (I'm a junior now). I actually missed it last night because of work, though I would have gone. I talked to a gay friend of mine from school and he said he had a good time. Then again I did talk to one of my best friends, and she said it was really stupid. I totally get what you're saying in terms of being gay at homecoming. When I went my freshman year, I didn't know I was gay (or I was in denial, I don't know). Going now would be much different, I think. On one side, there's the pressure of wanting to be cool and dance with girls and everything and be cool like everyone else. On the other side, there's the need to be yourself. It's hard to do the latter, especially in such a setting as a school dance. I'm going to Junior Prom later in the year though, and hoepfully that will be cool. But yeah man, I totally understand what you're saying. You're not alone.
Yeah, I have the same problem, so I haven't gone the last 2 years (I'm a Junior now) but luckily not very many of my friends went because a lot of people are boycotting because they have a ton of new rules. Probably the biggest one being the new guest form. So pretty much if you want to bring someone from outside of school you have to get them to sign this form...which is totally reasonable...and their parents...which is ok I guess...and their school administrator...which is just ridiculous. So, last night was Homecoming for us and some of just went out to dinner then a couple of us went back to one of our houses and watched The Nightmare Before Christmas. It was quite an enjoyable (and surprisingly drama free) Homecoming...and probably 50 times better than the dance. Though this year I haven't heard anything about alcohol poisoning...hmmm...we'll see if that changes though...
I actually ended up missing out on my college's Homecoming. I haden't gotten a lot of sleep the night before, so I ended up going to bed at around 10:30 that night. And it was a Saturday night. I was so proud at how little of a social life I have... My friend, who wasn't sure about going, ended up deciding to go (he's straight, so nothing special for him). It sounded like he had a ton of fun there, so I'm glad he went. They had a live band that played, which sounded neat. Yah, I don't really do the whole "dancing" thing, which makes it kind of weird when I used to go. So really, as much fun as it would be to stand around and talk for a couple hours, I prefer to do that when it's free...
Well, I don't know anything about 'homecoming' or whatever (we don't seem to have that here/in Saskatchewan, Canada). However, I can definitely relate to hating school dances. The words "oppressive symbol of heteronormativity" even seem to aptly sum up my feelings about it, too. I didn't go to many dances, but tended to hate them very much. I did, however, go to my Grad dance (sort of like a prom?) and party. Everything went pretty okay, but after a while the whole situation made me very depressed... Essentially, I was graduating with my boyfriend, yet I couldn't dance with him. Not for the first dance, or the grad dance (with other grads) or the escort dance. I got worse and worse adn could barely take it... sadly, I also managed to ruin my boyfriend's night too, 'cause he likes school dances (even if we couldn't dance and he pretends to be heterosexual). The night was perfectly wrapped up with a hypnotist, who simply made homosexual jokes all night; i.e. "hypnotizing" people (just acting) and then getting them to prance around like 'fags'. Then, he'd made two guys ALMOST kiss and everyone in the audience had to laugh adn gasp at the 'funny homosexuals'. It pissed me off and made me more depressed than I could imagine. Homophobia completely ruined my graduation. But, in pure contrast, this last weekend was one of my greatest weekends ever. I went to my first drag show ever with my boyfriend. It was amazing. The show was very interesting and incredibly funny. And, I got to snuggle with my boyfriend surrounded by gay people and queer-friendly people! Even better, perhaps, was afterwards (directly related to the dancing topic). My boyfriend and I snuck into the gay bar with some straight female friends of ours (we're all only a few months too young basically). So, my first gay bar experience. It was very cool. This creepy guy kept touching my bf, but luckily he went away eventually. Then, this gay guy I had met a few weeks earlier suddenly just groped my ass and it was awkward. But, it wasn't all creepy and sexual harassment, haha. In the end, I was able to dance in a huge group of gay men and lesbians. I could finally dance with (and hold close and make out with) my boyfriend somewhere. It felt so natural and fun and things are great. So, the moral of this (excessively long) story is... things will get better and someday you'll be able to dance at a club or something. Even if you think you don't like dancing, you should still go and try... it's great. Okay... sorry about the length of this...
Oh my. I've been absolutely swamped with schoolwork in the past few months, but the replies on this topic are amazing. So now I guess I'll try to respond to each one of you. proud_2b_gay456: Thanks for the words of encouragement! I kind of jump back and forth between being optimistic and pessimistic about these matters... it seems that I'll have your mindset the rest of the year, but feel utterly depressed by the time the actual dances roll around. Maybe it has to do with me lacking an actual date, boy OR girl, haha. And I'd want to give you a big hug too. LowestVocal017: I'm gonna respond to you in a message. ~_^ LorenzG1950: I'm sorry to hear that! But I still have to find a boyfriend first in order to go to the dances, heh. nk1114: That's great! I wouldn't have any problem going with a group, but like you said, I'd like to go with a REAL date too. Dave: That's pretty cool about the guy wanting to make a point. And good luck to you next year! tired_of_lying411: I can understand you making these kinds of sacrifices. That's exactly how I feel about it. When you've got certain people saying it's something you can't miss and others saying they don't regret missing it, things get muddled and confusing. And I wish you the best as well. step49x: Good luck with coming out! I also kind of share your view of dances, but at times I feel like it could be so much more, you know? ampthejazz: It's great that you can relate. I completely understand the conflict between being cool and being yourself. suburbs_of_sodom: Seems like a lot of us are missing out, eh? I'm actually comforted by this fact, even if it's a bit mean, haha. Although going out and doing something fun that's unrelated to the dance is a nice alternative. xyc: Don't apologize for your post length, haha. And wow, I'm a bit surprised after hearing about the homophobia at your Grad dance. I guess I've always held Canada to be this idyllic "safe haven" because gays can get married now. Maybe it's only certain provinces that are homophobe-free. But I'm glad you found some comfort at the club--I figure that'll be my escape too, eventually. Well, considering the delay on my reply, Homecoming has come and gone. So has Sadie Hawkins (which is a completely different thing altogether because of the role-reversal thing). But Prom is still coming up. It was refreshing and comforting to have all of you share your stories of joy, sorrow, disappointment, and most importantly--hope. Thanks.
Nice post, Triplume, and nice original post too. I'm sure scores more people than those who replied could relate to how you were feeling, so thanks for sharing. *hug* When I was in high school, I went to our freshman Valentine's Day dance w/ a girl, and we ended up slow dancing in the back corner past when everyone else had stopped. I felt SOOOOO uncomfortable, and it didn't help that a few of my friends saw and were totally laughing. So after that, I just went to all the dances stag. I guess I never felt like I was missing out b/c going alone was just so much better than the thought of experiencing that level of discomfort w/ a girl again.
yes, but one of my friends who is straight and didn't have girlfriend wanted to go with me to his homecoming. But we jut decided not to go. It would have been too weird.
Well here in Australia we have our formals which are kinda like your proms i think...anyway last time i ent i just ent with my best friend (Straight Chick) and i had a great time...i personally dont think it matters who u go with (unless you have a partner, then i think you should go with them and screw the system) cos ultimately ur gunna have a great time only if YOU want to...if you're worried about how others persieve you and are looking at you then its gunna ruin your night...act naturally...go with who YOU want and have a blast!!!! incidentely my other best friend brought this guy from another school and we were totally flirting the whole night!!!! aaah what a great night
