Debating with rude people online

So, I usually debate movies and series online. There`s this line between seperating between person, and the opinion. You can disagree with and dislike the opinion, but you don`t transfer the disagreement over to the person. For example, you might think that a person`s opinions regarding a matter is illogical (add because of, and I think), but you don`t then state (or think) that this person is unintelligent. You might feel that a certain person is blinded by his attraction to, or engagement in, a character, but you don`t proceed to write in a condescending way, because we`ve all been there.

My issue lately, is that I am getting so fed up, with people seemingly losing their civility and normal polite behavior, as soon as they have a computer in their hands! What is up with that? Why is it, in our modern society, so damned easy to forget that there is a living person behind the screen on the other side?

And stupid me cannot seem to stop myself from trying to "make peace" and "agree to live and let live." I am not talking about serious trolls. The kind that go out of their way to provoke a reaction, because they find it humorous. I am talking about seemingly intelligent and decent people, who`ll be fine mostly in every post, but who`ll suddenly as soon as you are on opposite side regarding a topic, cross that line in an eyeblink, and start acting like if they can say anything they want, without regard for how that makes you feel, because "a person so blind and dumb as you, deserve it!". I mean, what the he**??? Is this what online access is making us? A**-holes?

Yeah, I doubt it isn`t appearant in my post, that this has happened recently. On earlier occations, I have just shrugged it off. But recently a poster who I felt was intelligent and had good opinions, went high-wire on me for the simple reason that I felt one character was getting less screen-time than the other. She stated, that I beyond doubt was completely wrong. I went on to say that we`d just have to agree to disagree on the matter. A couple of posts back and forth, where all I did was bring up examples from the series, count up episodes, to try and support my opinion, it ended up with me sending me this message about how obviously blinded and unintelligent I was, and how she was eye-rolling and mentally ignoring every word I wrote. She also wrote that she hoped other posters would at some point "put me in my place."

I sat there, completely numb-funded, because I hadn`t once crossed over and written anything personal about her. I hadn`t told her she was wrong, I hadn`t stated that I was right, I had gone completely by the "I respect you opinion, but I still disagree, because, blah blah, examples, etc." And with other posters on that page, I have had just fine communication with. When I have had an opposite opinion of something, and been proven wrong, I have admitted to it with a smile. I don`t have a problem being wrong, I don`t assume I am right all the time.

I shouldn`t let this make me feel bad, but I don`t mind it when it comes from a troll. They live for pulling reactions out of people. But considering this came from someone who I felt was an intelligent and decent poster, I can`t help but think, what the heck did I write that made her feel she was entitled to talk to me in that way? Calling me a stupid, blind sweetie (now I officially hate that word), and that posters will put me in my place ... God, I don`t reckon I`ll ever be the smartest person in any room, but I`ve always gotten good grades, I would describe myself as an able debater, I always try to see each case from more than one side. So, try to fix it, by asking what it is in my post that pissed her off so badly that she`d fall to the level of writing to me that way. Which when in the past it has happened, I`ll usually just get the trollish answer, "Just because you are stupid."

And I know at this a lot of people would say, if you can`t take the heat, get ... blah blah. But seriously, should I really have to refrain from going certain places, because people can`t be civil? Why do we who like to play nice, always have to be the ones to adjust and remove ourselves? I almost wish I had been the kind of person to not give a sh**. who didn`t respect other people and who certainly did not care about internet etiquette. God, sometimes it sucks when all you want is for people to like and respect you.

 

I assume you didn`t mean this, that you were trying to make a point. Apparently I am more upset about this than I thought, because reading this post I actually started crying. I am so sick and tired of being called stupid. God, I am totally over-reacting to this. Normally I would consider myself a relatively tough person, but even I`ve got my achilles. Makes me wish my girl-friend was the tough hard-hitting one, so she could punch someone out for me. Which is hilarious, because in our relationship, she`s the adorable one, and I`m the macho dyke. At least personality-wise, not look-wise. Actually, sitting here crying over this, I deserve to be punched myself. Sweetie, my a** :bang: Condescending, patronizing, low-life :***:. Why, oh why, couldn`t it be possible with violent reactions through the screen??

Great, now, when I read your post over and over again, it is actually pissing me off, yet I am suddenly feeling a little better. Maybe I`m going to just sit here, swearing for a bit!

:***::***::***::***::***::***::***::***:

 

Oh, no, it`s me being a little overly sensitive right now. When I get gut-punched like that, I start questioning myself, and from there it`s very easy to assume that other people agree with the one gut-punching you. I did get it, when you edited it and added that line, that you hadn`t meant it in a bad way, that it was actually supportive. So, it`s okay (*hug*)

And I think you are right about removing myself from the discussion. I guess my problem is that even though these things do not occur often, if you are an avid forum user, like I am, you`ll end up in that situation at least once every month, because there are so many of them out there who act like this. But mostly, they are trolls, and trolls I handle fine. It was just the fact that I respected this person, that made her able to catch me off guard. I wasn`t expecting it.

Thanks for being nice, and I am sorry if I made you worried with my response (*hug*)

 

Yeah, you are right about that. I try to do that as well, but I guess I should get better at it. Sometimes it feels like a weakness to care about what people think, but generally I do. I just really hate arguing with people. I love debating though, and like plasticcrows wrote, as long as you aren`t the type of person who assumes that a personal opinion equals the truth, and that makes you automatically right regardless of what points anyone else has, a discussion can be fun, it can make you aware of things you didn`t consider earlier, or help you see things in a different light. So, I generally love discussing things, but I hate arguments, and I can be a little too vulnerable to personal attacks if I have the other person in a generally high regard in the first place. Which I tend to automatically have, for some reason

 

And I am glad some of us do

I am more the "don`t attack, just present a different view" kind of debater. I like to take the "I see your point, but I disagree because *insert various arguments and supportive facts*. It mostly works for me, unless the other person seems to have decided on beforehand that they are going to win no matter the cost. Like if there`s a game in it. Which I don`t feel there should be. There should always be room for differences in opinion.

 

Lol, that one wouldn`t work on me, because my mother is a big air-head, and even if you did it straight to her face she`d laugh it away and start talking about how terrible her boyfriend is :lol: My mother has an amazing ability to hear only what she wishes to hear!

 

I have to protest at this, because I am definitely not an a**-hole :icon_wink

In fact, I am happier when people like me, so I do my best to ensure it. Maybe a bit too much? I definitely could do with learning to master some more b**chy methods. Or at least develop a good b**ch face. Though I don`t really find it very attractive, lol.

On a side-note, this person began writing her posts to me like that after I added the link to pro-marriage for same sex couples. If I had paranoid tendencies, I`d suspect that was the reason for her overly hostile attitude, as I seriously was excessively polite towards her, even as she begun the name-calling. I didn`t let myself sink to that level. But, since I like to believe the better about people, I won`t assume it was anti-gay attitude that led to her behavior. She must simply be a b**ch!

---------- Post added 14th Dec 2012 at 05:26 AM ----------

I agree this is extremely irritating, and particularily when they ignore everything you wrote, all the arguments, and rather grab onto the one sentence they can twist out of its meaning, just to have something to argue about.

From your description, you sound like what I feel is a good online debater I guess I could get better at leaving the discussion at an earlier point, usually I stick with it, often if the other poster seems to misunderstand what I meant.