Missed out!

I fell in love with a girl on my first day of high school. I didn't even know her, I just knew it the moment I saw her. We had mutual friends, but we never spoke to one another until we had a class together our junior year. We sat directly across the classroom from each other and would constantly catch the other person staring. One day I received an anonymous Facebook message that said "I have a crush on you." After talking for a while, she finally revealed that it was her. Neither of us were out and I wasn't prepared to tell anyone. We slowly drifted apart and she got a boyfriend a few months later. We never spoke again.

The same thing happened my freshmen year of university. I fell crazy in love with a girl I thought I didn't even have a chance of being friends with. We had a few classes together and became friends over the semester. I never told her or gave her any reason to think we were more than friends. She asked me out towards the end of the semester, but I fucked it up and freaked out. I asked her out on the last day of school, and she said yes... but then quickly changed her mind because she didn't "want to be a lesbian." She denied ever flirting with me and asking me out, and got a boyfriend a few months later. After two painful years of trying to be friends, I cut off all contact with her.

Stay positive. If something doesn't work out the way we want them to, then it probably wasn't meant to be. I tell myself that these things happened because there's someone better out there for me.

 

okay, so there's been this guy. I've known since like 7th grade. We were on the swim team together (and no i don't stare in the locker room ). Back then we were both way to young to even know what a relationship was, but we got along well. Well, you know how water gets in the way of talking, but that went on for a winter season and then I stopped swimming after that.

Fast forward 3 years. (my sophomore year his freshman year in HS) Turns out he is REALLY smart and is in my Spanish I class (which looking back was a pointless class for me). We spent the class goofing off with me, him and another friend. I happened to be really closeted back then and add a touch homophobic(long story - -). Anyway so after that, I convinced him to join the HS swim team the next year and we started spending LOTS of time together. Then I got him a job teaching swim lessons where I had been working for a few months and we were short handed. At this point we were spending a solid 48 hours a week in the pool together plus we'd by the time we'd get done we'd usually grab dinner somewhere either between practice and work or after work. We started going to olive garden and cashing in on the $5 dollar soup, salad and bread sticks. We even had a co-worker make the joke "You two should go out, it's obvious your gay for each other" little did she know I wanted that more than anything else at this point. I'm pretty sure all of my Junior year we were texting all night, every night till one of us feel asleep. This continued on all through high school. Oh and just a sweetener story, onetime he had some event after work and had to wear a suit and tie. Only problem is he didn't know how to tie a tie. OMG to this day I know he knew something was up. I was so nervous putting it on him. *shivvers*. Anyway I graduated last year. He graduated this year, but we just barly text each other to keep in contact and the occasional meeting for food.

Then there is the story that really sticks out in my mind. It was at a county swim meet and I had just put my arm on his shoulder (like same side, didn't mean anything by it) to point at a malfunctioning score board and low and behold. He flipped around and ask "DUDE! Are you gay?" I was so shocked by the question, it was almost an instinctive "no".

I really wish I could go back to that moment and say "Yes".......oh well

 

I do understand your feelings, but you are still quite young.
And yeah, I guess I am not quite old enough yet that I have earned the right to call people "quite young", but at 18 I hadn`t ever been in any relationships, and my first actual femme relationship didn`t happen until I was 25, which I still am, for another 20 something days, lol.

So, I wouldn`t despair about it too much quite yet But yeah, I get the feeling.

 

I kinda wish when one of those moments happened to me they would ask if I was gay but instead they don't say anything and then it just becomes really awkward. I get the feeling that lots of people think I am gay but until one of my friends asks me I am just planning to wait until college. :/

 

Funny, b/c I'd rather take awkward then called out in front of ppl.:icon_redf

 

Well I agree with dudedette when he said I don't want a non friend to know first. There have been a few baseball "friends" who have asked me but they don't deserve, for lack of a better term, to know. When I do decide to come out I'm not just going to be walking down a hallway and decide to tell my friends right then and there, my friends are mature and nice enough that they wouldn't do that to me. They would wait until we are in a "safe" environment to ask and then I would tell them. It's not like I'm playing truth or dare and have to answer whether or not I am gay

 

Yeah, I actually really want one of my friends to talk to me about it because I want to come out so soooooooooo badly but I am terrified of starting that conversation with someone

 

Idk... That just seems weird to me. Just asking them to ask me a personal question. When I say weird I just mean that it isn't something I could do. Idk I'll try to find a way to bring it up though.

 

In 8th grade there was this girl who obviously had a crush on me. She would find excuses to talk to me and hang out with me. I hadn't come out to myself yet and told her I was straight....I wonder sometimes what would have happened if I had accepted myself and given it a shot with her.

 

hahahahaha I wish she had looked like Lana Del Ray! No she was more masculine in the way she dressed lol, she was pretty average looking. I just wish I had opened up to her.

 

Y don't u just go up to him and talk to him and say that ur not out and that kind of stuff and if ur not planning on ever coming out u probly will have to live with not haveing very many bf's best of wishes capitichino