If this isn`t the right area for this discussion, please move it, I appologize in advance. I should possibly change my username to FemMoron for asking this, but I really need a second and third opinion on the matter. My girlfriend and I are still in the "try out" stage as far as sex goes. She keeps saying that she doesn`t want me to fake it, which I hadn`t, up until our last "session". The reason for why I ended up faking it was: we did a try first, which wasn`t very successful. I couldn`t relax, it was too hot, and it ended up being simply a bit uncomfortable. I joked with it, said that it was just too hot, and that I could "do her" first, and then we could try again with me later. She seemed somewhat miffed, and said in a tone which sounded like she tried to sound jokingly about it: "Maybe you just don`t find me attractive enough." To which I assured her I did, that it was just my mind that didn`t want to comply, and that my body could be a little unco-operative at times, even when I was doing it on my own. After I had done her, and we were cuddling a little, she asks: "Have you felt that it`s been more successful in the past, with other partners?". Again I told her the truth, that no, some times I come quickly, some times, if I am tired, if the temperature in the room is a bit high, or if I am just a little stressed, it has been harder, regardless of partner or if it`s just me on me. I tried to reassure her. When she insisted to do me again, she kept at it for like 20 minutes, but at that point I had gotten nervous about getting it right, so that she`d be able to let go of those thoughts, so I just couldn`t get there! So, I faked it. Which I felt bad about. But when she had left, I ended up thinking about it. The orgasm pressure really had wrecked that part of the sex for me. It was pleasant, and nice, but really stressful. So, now I am worried that next time, I won`t be able to "shake it off", so to speak. I don`t want her to think that I do not find her attractive, but there are a lot of other factors. Besides, I am not really a "horny in the mornings" person. Which brings me back to last night, when she wanted to have sex (we had sex this morning simply because I felt a little guilty about yesterday, which also might be why I couldn`t come for the life of me), and I asked if we could wait until the morning, as I had been up drinking the previous night and had a head ache because I was tired. She then started talking about how it was a little early in the relationship, for that excuse. Gah! Which got me rather frustrated. Sometimes, a head ache is just a head ache! I have a normal healthy sexual drive, 4 times a week is great for me. However, I am just a human being, lol. So, I guess what I am wondering how do the rest of you deal with the times when you just don`t orgasm, and the partner thinks it`s somehow because of them? And I did communicate, I did tell her everything I have written here, except from the morning sex being initiated just because I felt guilty from the night before. And how to answer those kinds of statements? Like "Maybe you`re just not attracted enough to me?" Or "A headache, right, a little early for that kind of thing, don`t you think?" Is faking it sometimes better, than just fess up that it isn`t going to happen? I mean, if you give it a serious go first? What is the "nicer" option? At least when it is you on you, the body isn`t going to accuse you of not liking it anymore just cause you can`t climb Mount Everest there and then.
Alright. The main problem here is your girlfriend's anxiety. That much is obvious. If she was more confident she would simply be pleased with what she's got, and maybe ask a few questions to do better next time. If your girlfriend wasn't this anxious, I'd say, please tell her the truth if she asks, and never fake it. Because faking it doesn't help her to learn how your body works. But as it is, telling her the truth seems to be more damaging and stressful than telling her plain nothing. If you want to be blunt and honest with her, I suggest that you two have a little talk and agree about just doing and not telling. As in, it's going to have to stay a mystery whether you orgasmed or not, about your past, and so on. Maybe it can stay this way for a period of time and then you have that talk again to figure out if the stress and pressure is gone enough to start telling again. There is also an infamous psychologist whom I heard at the radio who has a really strange take on this; he claims that the main path to women's orgasms is to fake it all the time. His reasoning is that faking it all the time eliminates all pressure from both sides and that the woman, completely relaxed (as it won't matter if she orgasms or not) is more likely to reach the peeks of her pleasure. Me personally I never fake it I have a tendency to have to go a few times before I can last, if you get my meaning..
Hm, thank you, that was actually a good suggestion. I am not sure how she will take that idea, but I`ll think about it a little, to see how I can work that into it somehow. And I agree, she really is quite anxious, about a lot of things, and thus far I have tried to handle it by just staying calm and chill down. But when it starts being infectious, not in the sense that I am so worried, but just an example, she`ll ask me like 5 times if she is "taking too long", and until I had sex with her, that was never on my mind! But today, I actually found myself stressing a bit over the same thing, although it`s never been a problem before, lol! I try to be patient, and you are right, faking it, in my experience, doesn`t exactly make for good sex. Which is why I don`t usually do it Besides, I am of the personal opinion that good sex doesn`t always have to include an orgasm, sometimes it is nice just being physical with someone, feeling close to them. If there`s an orgasm pressure, that kind of ruins the other part of the experience.
