How do you get a boyfriend if you haven't come out yet?

Well, you can find one in an online dating website. Preferably, one who lives close to where you live. It could be very risky, though, side you'll be talking to a complete stranger, and even if he's nice to you, most gay men who acess this things are only looking for sex, and not a relationship. If you decide to try to do that, you should talk to him online for a very long time before deciding to meet in person. Kinda like I'm doing with a certain EC member right now ;-)

 

I think the more important question is why can't/won't you come out? Obviously it's much easier to meet someone if they know you're "on the market".

Another good one to ask is why do you "need" a boyfriend so desperately?

Statistically speaking, talking online with a potential partner for longer than 6 weeks before meeting in person is more likely to not end well for the relationship, as you build up massive expectations of what this person should be like (which may differ from what they're actually like). Obviously this is different for everyone, but I thought I'd throw this out there.

(NOTE: That is NOT advice telling you you should go meet up with someone after knowing them for 1 week either. Be smart, be safe.)

 

These are both important questions. The unfortunate reality is that while some people find significant others whom they really like while they're closeted, for most, it doesn't work out. It's not hard to imagine why that might be. You're going to have to be working very hard to actively have and hide a relationship. You have to worry about not only each other, but also the stress of other people finding out, and that is really going to limit what you'll be able to do. It's twice as hard if neither one of you is out.

As much as you seem to think you need this, I really don't recommend dating while you're completely in the closet. It'd be one thing if you were just not out to your parents but okay with the kids you go to school with knowing, but if you aren't out at all and won't come out to anyone, your chances of making anything work with a boyfriend are very very slim.

That said, I'm not advocating rushing out of the closet. I completely understand that sometimes, for safety reasons, you can't come out. That's okay. Just be realistic about your expectations and spend this time furthering yourself and focusing on you so that when you can come out and start dating, you're the best, most interesting you that you can be (*hug*).