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Sad. People can't be perfect, I guess

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by GingerGuy, Dec 17, 2012.

  1. GingerGuy

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    Today, I am quite saddened after talking for a very long time with my chaffeur. (It sounds like I am very wealthy, but in my country if you are upper middle class you can already afford to have one). Anyway, lets call him Paul. Paul and I only know each other since October, but we are always talking to one another and giving advices. He's 42, married and has three adult children. I really, really like him as a friend, since he understands me better than my own parents do and often compliments me, saying that I can be who I want in life and am destined to a brilliant future. He has no idea of the fact that I am gay, so recently I've been thinking about coming out to him.

    However, my plans of doing so were torn apart the moment when, after I showed depressing tendencies, he told me about God and how much He heals and stuff, however, he included homossexuality in the list of sins that can be forgiven by the Holy Spirit (yes, he's very religious, something I am far from being, and has even told me has had conversations with both God and the devil in the past). Later, he told me he has LGBT acquaintances, but he always tries to tell them that they are doing something wrong and destroying themselves in the process. He has the ability to tolerate gays, and talk normally to them, but he does not agree with our behavior or actually approves it.

    Now, I'm not saying I hate him now, because I understand his life of thinking. He has been raised in a rural and conservative state all of his life, and has belonged to the church from an early age. He's reflecting the beliefs he learned in the past, and believes in these things due to ignorance instead of a bad personality. I don't want to come out to him and risk losing my friendship, because he really does matter a lot to me. However, I also do not want to hear his tips on how to get women forever, and to encourage me to find a girlfriend and stuff, and pretend to smile when I'm actually feeling very crappy for not telling him the truth. Any advice, guys? If you ask, I can give you all more details.
     
  2. He said he says LGBT acquaintances so I doubt he's going to break off the friendship. Usually when they say homosexuality "can be forgiven", they aren't exactly major homophobes.

    My Pentecostal friend who thought "being gay was wrong", still said he would still be my friend, and that wouldn't ignore me or stop talking to me or anything.

    I think you wouldn't have to worry unless your his kid or something. But I could be wrong.

    Oh well, that's just my two cents (or two-sense or whatever...:confused:)

    My advice is the next time homosexuality comes up, just ask him "would you still talk to me if I was gay."
     
    #2 wonderingdave01, Dec 17, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 17, 2012
  3. Argentwing

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    Come out to him anyway. If he's so moderate, it could be possible for you to have enlightening discussions, and possibly change his mind if you dig deep enough into his beliefs.
     
  4. GingerGuy

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    I'm just gonna give time to time, which means I won't rush to come out to him. He's a very intelligent guy, unlike most people who go to these types of churches, so I can still have many really good conversations about the subject with him. Thanks for the response, the "would you talk to me if I was gay" is really smart to say. I can predict his reaction, though: he'll probably first ask if I'm sure of it, and then tell me that there's still hope and ican change if I believe more in spirituality and ask for forgiveness from God... As if I regretted anything.
     
  5. BoiGeorge

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    I have heard all of this before. I was raised in the church and people still today tell me to go for healing and God can fix me. I believe in God but I dont believe that there is anything wrong with me. Being trans is not a disease that needs to be cured! If i had cancer or something i would go for prayer but being gay or trans isnt a disease! His heart seems to be in the right place but stick to your guns and you'll be fine. They just dont understand.
     
  6. GingerGuy

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    I think I should change this threads title to "Happy". I haven't come out to my chaffeur yet, but after a conversation we had today, I'm sure he would accept me normally and still be my friend if I did. Actually, I'm thinking about coming out to him the next time we meet. It feels so good to know that even people from the church can be tolerant about these things. Even though he might not think its correct to do what I'm doing, he won't think of me any less after he finds out. I've dropped some hints today, but I don't think he has noticed then.

    There's some hope for this world, after all
     
  7. prism

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    It sounds like he wouldn't stop being your friend. At the risk of sounding like an asshole, it is his job to drive you around. Being inconsiderate would mean risking his job.

    I don't think there is anything wrong with him, and you shouldn't try to fix his views. In return, he shouldn't try to fix the flaws that he sees in you. Just be honest with him. :slight_smile:
    At the very least, he'll stop talking about women.

    When I read this, I was like "Damn! Where is this guy from!?" and then I saw you were from Chicago. As a native Southsider, I must shake my fist at you, sir. ;P
     
  8. GingerGuy

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    [YOUTUBE][/YOUTUBE]
    Haha I'm not from Chicago anymore. I lived there since July 2012, but now I'm in brazil, where I was born. What a shame, if we has met before I moved I could have made an appointment to see you in person!
     
  9. prism

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    That's so cool! I can't even imagine how different it must be. I'm in New York for university anyway, and possibly staying after graduation. What could have beeeeen!
     
  10. caughtbywitness

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    This kind of thing happens a lot, in fact I'm very judgemental when it comes to people that smoke, apologies. I can't stand it and when I see someone smoking, it does instantly make me dislike them (my gran did and died 11 years ago, at 60). However, with some I ride out with (horses, not people :wink: ) I never realised she did till October, and I understand that it's just the way some people are. With your guy, you have just got to accept what he thinks and try not to judge them on that, because if you/we do, the world will become a much smaller place to find friends. *Shrug*
     
  11. Hatsupi Kona

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    Coming out to him could bring some insight to him about homophobia. He views you as a human being who deserves love and respect. Since he already has this connection with you, coming out to him shouldn't change his perceptive about you as much as you think it would. If he doesn't accept this and changes his perspective greatly, he is being ignorant, which is his own loss.
     
  12. Pyrotactick

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    Here's one about faking: Don't...fake it. Faking just makes things worse. You start to loose track of who you are, kinda like what I have. I like to pretend I'm a happy, slightly sadistic, facetious kind of person in real life and push away the divorced parents and bitter personal issues aside. Then I started acting differently to other people because I thought "Hey I can fake myself in this fation, so if I fake myself a little more to blend more with these people, it'll be good for me!". Then stuff happens and it's just a shitty idea. Moral of the story: don't fake it. If you feel like shit, express how you feel like shit, but don't go on and start ranting about your life (kinda like what I did up above...whoops), but just give a brief reason why you don't feel good. Maybe they've got something that'll help, like a suggestion on how to view things, a joke, a life experience, or just some awkward treatment (there's awkward treatment for everywhere on anything, but I didn't say they were all safe).

    Hope that nonsensical rant helps! Best of wishes!
     
  13. Deaf Not Blind

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    Well, i am Christian. We don't talk to the devil and have conversations with him...that is scary freaking stuff! Most would say thats occult, or he is crazy, possessed by one, or asking to be led astray by the devil. We are never to talk to the devil.

    Next, we are generally taught the Bible states it is one of many immoral ways to have sex, and so we should stop practicing it. (and all other immoral things of sexual nature, which often they leave out)

    Next we are taught to love and forgive all people. Some are easier than others.

    I don't know this man, or your culture. I would say from my point of view he is a paid servant and is to be at all times respectful to his boss. If you are uncomfortable with anything he says or does on the clock, you have a right to tell him firmly, but please kindly, that he is to not give dating advice. If there is a pain in your heart about his thinking about gays being sinful or harming themselves, because you wish to have a bond with him, then perhaps explaining to him again firmly but gently that you are also gay, and would like to now share with him what it is like to live as a gay man in Brazil...and carefully add in at the end that it hurts you so deeply to hear others who are not gay saying things (state things he said here) as it is simply not how your heart is at all, and how much you wish he could know that there is a different side to what he thinks is true.

    It maybe he will quit, he will obey you and speak no more of the things that bother you and become a better chauffeur, or he could quit saying those things to not lose his job but feel awkward and stop talking as much and so friendship dies. Alternatively he could try to continue to say things you told him to not do, in which case you can discuss getting a new driver.

    Will you let us know what happens?

    ---------- Post added 9th Jan 2013 at 08:48 PM ----------

    My mom seems to be tolerant. That surprised me. And at school so many I have come out to are Christians and call me a guy and I am happy. Jesus said to love one another. Real Belivers attempt to do that. Avoid all fakes.