Ok so I just need someone to talk to about this and I would really appreciate opinions of different people. Im a straight girl and I have been straight for all my life. Other than the fact of being straight I never really liked relationships. I just dont like being tied up and the feeling of being committed. My former bff is gay and she told me before that she had a crush on me and I never felt anything towards her. 2 years back, she told me that shes met someone she really likes and she wanted to introduce me to her. So I met her, we started talking and 2 weeks later we got together, which is really bad I know. Now at that point of my life I thought it would not be anything serious anyway and that it wont be long before we break up and I know this might sound naive, but I thought of her as my bff for quite some time. So we stayed together for 2 years and acted like normal partners and we broke up recently cuz of something that she did and we agreed that it would do us good if we jus separate for a while trying to work things out, but the thing is that i dont know what that makes me, am i gay, bi or straight? i never been attracted to a girl before in my life, and i jus dont know if i should keep seeing her or not and even if i do, i dont know whether it wud be right to have sex with her or not? and lately ive been thinking bout this from a religious point of view and i just dont know what to do anymore. im very very confused.
Hmm... I get the feeling from your post that your sexuality is a difficult topic. Basically because you write you don`t like relationship, you don`t consider yourself gay or bisexual, but you actually were in a relationship with a girl for 2 years, if I understood you correctly. If you were capable of having sex with her, if she turned you on, then I would say you at least are bisexual. Obviously you are capable of having sex with a female. Did you enjoy it? Do you think the two of you had good sex? If you did, then I think you are definitely bisexual. Question is, have you had sex with guys? Do you get sexually attracted to guys? If you don`t, then maybe you are a lesbian. But sexuality can be pretty complicated. This is my opinion, of course. If you like this girl, if you think you love this girl, if being with her makes you happy, if having sex with her is good for the both of you, then be with her! Don`t throw away a good thing, because you are wondering if you "should" or "should not". The word "should" should only be used when it comes to matters like brushing teeth, or wash between your toes, or math homework. When it comes to love and attraction, it should be about "Do I want to be with her?" "Does she make me happy?" The religious issues are more difficult, but I have seen several good threads on it. First of all, you don`t mention what religion you follow and believe in. But check out these threads on LGBT and Christianity: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/suppo...ice-about-being-lgbt-christian-very-long.html http://emptyclosets.com/forum/suppo...now-i-just-dont-know-what-do.html#post1101418 Please tell us more about what you feel is difficult for you. 2 years is a long time to have a relationship. What was it about this girl that attracted you? How do you feel about her? That should be your answer to whether or not you should continue being with her. Welcome to EC
Well I would not say I'm gay because I have been attracted to guys all my life and no I have never had sex with a guy, but that cuz i have issues with guys, not cuz im not attracted to them. and when it comes to my relationship with her, it was kind of complicated, cuz we've had a lot of issues through out those 2 years. She always checked other girls out, said how hot my friends were, talked on and on about her ex gf and a few weeks ago she flirted with my bff on MY birthday and thats when i broke up with her. Shes tryin to get me back now though. But the thing is i used to get that feeling a lot, the feeling of whether im doin the right thing or not, sometimes i even felt like something is missing without actually knowin what it is and i always blamed it on my issues with relationships. But right now i just dont know. Maybe being with a girl is not enough for me, maybe its her, maybe its me, i jus cant figure out what the real issue is and its tearin me up cuz i do love her and i jus dont know what to do. letting aside the issue of me thinkin whether i shud be with a girl or not, im always confused bout whether she wud ever change or not, but thats sumtin else.
From what you describe here I would guess that her behavior has made you insecure in the relationship. If she has been very flirty with others, then no wonder you are feeling split on the matter! I think that is very natural. You write that you love her, so trust that feeling. You are probably at least biromantic then. What about the sex? Are you comfortable with the sex? If you do love her, and you are comfortable with the sex the two of you have, and you like it, but you also get attracted to guys, then my button is on you being bisexual, but that she has made you feel unsure about your relationship with her flirting and behavior. It is pretty normal to question a relationship. It does not nescessarily mean you shouldn`t be with a woman, but she obviously has to change her behavior, and not make you feel further unsure about what you have together. If you don`t know where you have her, if she really wants to be with you, then of course you`d start experiencing your own doubt in the relationship. I don`t think it is just your issues with relationship. If a person is naturally anxious about something on beforehand, and someone else makes you feel more insecure, then it is bound to make the situation difficult, and you might question both the relationship and your own feelings. If you do love her, you could try to fix the situation by demanding that if the two of you continue the relationship, then she has got to help you to feel more secure, by not flirting with other girls in front of you. Tell her how unsure of everything that makes you feel. Communicate with her, without throwing blame or sounding accusing, as that will only make her defensive and attack back.
