1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How did you start your first relationship?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Shyguy5, Dec 27, 2012.

  1. Shyguy5

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
    Messages:
    130
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    I've never been in a relationship before. As a kid, I knew I was gay so dating girls wasn't an option and hardly anyone was out in my graduating high school class so there wasn't anyone I could relate this too.

    I've always had the little crush knowing it won't go anywhere. Its hard seeing someone like me in a romantic sense so I'm curious as to how lgbt people around my age get into relationships.
     
  2. Daniel

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2008
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Buffalo, NY
    My current relationship was over the internet. I got tired of gay bars and met Scott via *******!. Glad I signed up! He's an awesome guy!
     
  3. justinf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2012
    Messages:
    1,212
    Likes Received:
    42
    Location:
    Amsterdam
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I assume you mean first lgbt relationship.

    We were best friends, like really close.. kind of a bromance thing. Then all of a sudden he kissed me, and I got confused (I wasn't exactly aware of the fact I wasn't straight).
    Then after a while I kissed him back, and we started getting closer and closer. Then one day he asked me if he was the only one I was intimate with, because I was the only one he was intimate with and he wanted to know where we stood. I said yes, but that we weren't in a relationship (weird, I know, but I was convinced a relationship with a guy wasn't for me).
    After a couple of weeks I figured hm this actually looks like a relationship anyway, doesn't it? I went to see him and said "I thought about it some more, and I think you're my boyfriend," he said "I hope I am," and I was like "you are." And that's when we were officially into a relationship.

    Be expected for the unexpected. It will most likely happen without you even noticing it. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Shyguy5

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
    Messages:
    130
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    How did your relationship start since it was over the Internet, bonding wise or getting to know each other?

    I'm kinda nervous about the unexpected part, if I wont notice it happening my biggest concern is to know how to act around the guy. Hetero-couples get this out of their system at an early age. I do even know what I would do if I knew another guy liked me back. Probably get all nervous :icon_redf
     
  5. 4AllEternity

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2012
    Messages:
    530
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well I haven't been in a complete relationship yet, but with my last crush (who I was pretty close too, and after things didn't work out, we became best friends :slight_smile: ), things were actually sooo easy. Despite really liking him, flirting and getting to know him just came naturally, it's hard to explain, since like you, I have little experience with relationships, and whenever I've crushed on a girl, it was always very tense trying to impress her.

    I think that's one of the great things about gay relationships; guys just know how to read each other better, we generally know what to expect of male friends, and talking with each other is just the easiest thing. In gay relationships, you can start by becoming friends with the guy (though you always want to make your intentions fairly clear, don't pretend not to be attracted to him, just keep it subtle), and when you get to know each other better, things just go from there. There's no need for a script or worrying what he thinks of you (for the most part :wink: ), since you've already established shared interests you can talk about, and it's easy to start things up with guy-guy conversations.

    With heterosexual relationships, it's a lot more tense, at least for me, since A) Culturally men and women tend not to mix much outside of intimate relationships, so we don't know each other as well as we know other members of our own gender. This means you're less sure of how to act while trying to get to know a girl. B) Again, culturally, men and women tend to lean towards gender-specific stereotypical interests, especially when it comes to nerdy or sports stuff. There's also the pressure at first to conceal interests that society says are "weird", preventing you from bonding with the opposite gender C) In hetero relationships, the balance of power is usually lopsided. Men are usually expected to do most of the work wooing, which can be confusing if you're not experienced (mixed signal hell). In gay relationships, usually things are pretty even, one person might take the lead at one time, the other person at another time. It takes the pressure off of you and makes things smoother.

    Basically, don't worry, you'll probably find that flirting, how you act around your crush just comes naturally. When you just meet him, treat the relationship like you would with any other guy; hang out and have fun. The only thing you should do differently is keeping his interest with some subtle flirting (innocent arm touches, lots of eye contact and smiling pleasantly at him), then when you feel like you're both ready, ask him out on a date. One key thing; before investing your emotional energy and time into a relationship, make sure the guy is gay first. It would be terrible to spend months crushing on someone, thinking you're getting somewhere, only to learn that they're just incapable of feeling the same way for you.
     
  6. leer

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2012
    Messages:
    1,785
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    grt Manchester
    I was in a relationship for 6 months .met on a night out and we just got chatting I wasn't even looking for anyone .we met up a few more time`s before it become official . we split for a few reasons be stayed good mates .
     
  7. justinf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2012
    Messages:
    1,212
    Likes Received:
    42
    Location:
    Amsterdam
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    But if it's unexpected, if it just happens without you consciously putting any effort in it, you won't worry about all that. I don't mean all of a sudden you meet a guy and you're like yes this is him! I mean you meet someone (or maybe already know someone), get to know them, grow closer, and all of a sudden you're like wait a minute.. what's going on here?
     
  8. zydrateaddict97

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2012
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London, UK
    Gender:
    Female
    One of my friends was openly gay, and she wanted to know my opinions on LGBT topics. A few weeks later, she texted me if asking I liked girls. Said yes. She asked if I'd go out with her. Said yes.
    I think you should just try and be friendly and be natural and maybe it'll all work out for you.
     
  9. tulman

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2012
    Messages:
    512
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Kenosha Co, WI
    I agree with some of the others here who say they just happen. Working at it never seems to produce. The good ones seem to just happen as a result of random meetings. My best random meeting with a guy just happened to be with someone who lived nearby. Both of us are self employed and can get away for a while during the day. Living just a few minutes apart was a strong factor too. We'd grab lunch and go back to each others house. It created "The Perfect Storm".
     
  10. Shyguy5

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
    Messages:
    130
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Thanks you for all the responses.

    I hope that letting it happen natural, my first kiss and relationship will be with a nice guy. I don't want to be nervous feeling rushed as I have no experience.

    Has anyone that dated before had a relationship with someone that has never dated neither a guy or girl?
     
  11. Wndy

    Wndy Guest

    Speaking as a bi woman who's dating a straight man...and I have never dated anyone else...

    We met in college, became friends, he fell in love and eventually declared his love. After I thoroughly friend zoned him (I should get an award for my ability to friend zone...or not) I had a change of heart and fell in love with him.

    Like others have said, it's something that can just happen. Unexpectedly. Possibly even with someone you already know.

    I'm not sure what you mean by your last question though. Do you mean has anyone dated someone who's never been in a relationship before?
     
  12. justinf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2012
    Messages:
    1,212
    Likes Received:
    42
    Location:
    Amsterdam
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My latest ex girlfriend hadn't ever had a relationship before me. It wasn't a problem at all, and it actually felt really flattering to be someone's first in a lot of things :slight_smile:
     
  13. Shyguy5

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
    Messages:
    130
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Yeah, a person that's basically never kissed and/or been in a relationship

    Aww, this brings me hope :slight_smile:... but did you ever get bored having to teach her the ropes or take things slow?
     
  14. vennligst

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2012
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I stole him from his girlfriend at the time. So much teenage drama. I honestly don't know how it started, he just told me he liked me and I just kind of went with it. Poor life decisions, poor life decisions.
     
  15. Suffocation

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2012
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York City
    I've never had a boyfriend.

    So... I can't help you with this. :frowning2:
     
  16. Pain

    Pain Guest

    The first relationship is not necessarily the happiest. So I won't elaborate on that.

    However, the only thing I can say, with certainty, is that nothing will happen unless action is taken. No one wants to make the first move, but it must be done by someone. Tell someone attractive that you think they are attractive. Ask someone to meet you for coffee, maybe even as a date.
     
  17. koilfong

    koilfong Guest

    well i dont know if this counts for anything or helps or means anything but my first relationship was a straight one that first started as just homecoming, then people thought we were dating, then i asked her out a tumblr style way with someone changing my contact name on her phone to "will you be my girlfriend?" then me calling it and walking in and being like, "so will you?"
    but in the end it didnt last very long... but we're still friends and she's been one of the last of my friends to know that im gay.
    and were caught up to the present with just me searching for a friend and finding this place....
     
  18. Capichino

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2012
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    unicornVill, wizardland,
    Make shure u are ok with things good comacation and have it be as small age differnce as possible like I dated someone that was 23 and it was not a good on and thare has to be trust the 23 year old one didn't whant me to go on EC any more becase he though that I would cheat on him
     
  19. Suffocation

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2012
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York City
    23? holy crap.
    and i thought it was weird when i was 10 years old and talked to a girl who was 14 at the time. >.<
     
  20. MixedNutz

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2012
    Messages:
    782
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ
    Friend of a friend, both closeted but when I met him I knew he was gay within 5 minutes