Confidence is the new sexy... apparently

I disagree. I have had MANY crushes on guys but then realized they were over confident and ending up no longer crushing on them. I also think shyness is also attractive.

But i guess you need to strike a balance. You dont want to be a complete arse, but you don't want to seem like soemone who doesnt believe in himself at all. My friends say i lack confidence in myself. But since starting uni they say i have become a lot more confident and have changed in a good way.

From this, my advice would be to try new things. Go beyond your boundaries. Join random sporting clubs. Achievement and competition plays a massive role in confidence, sports offers both. Learn a new skill or langauge, do this while interacting with others. Literally aim to find a group of strangers and begin talking to them; so join social groups, maybe do things at your job/educational institution. I had to do this during freshers, and it isnt easy, but it helped me a lot. Getting a job also boosted my confidence.

If you really lack confidence in your image, then maybe try something new with it. Even if your new image doesnt scream confidence to others, it will make yourself feel confident but you are trying something new and that was your aim. Thats why when people underpin a self-transformation with a new look.

Good luck!

 

I think it's true. If you don't think you're a hot piece of ass, no one else will. Don't get it confused with arrogance, though.

 

Don't think about confidence as always knowing the right thing to say or never having any doubts about yourself whatsoever. If you don't currently have confidence, it's not something you can just will yourself to have. Confidence only comes through putting yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable, realizing "Huh, that wasn't so bad," and then putting your fears and insecurities behind you. Going to that group sounds like a great first step.

So what can you do in the meantime? Instead of thinking to yourself "MUST BE CONFIDENT NOW," just concentrate on not vomiting your insecurities all over yourself. Even if you can't sincerely project the feeling of confidence, that doesn't mean you have to be self-effacing in all your interactions (e.g., "Oh, he won't want to talk to me since I'm so ugly," "You probably won't think I'm cool," "I bet you'll reject me," etc.). Sure, some people might not like you. Some people might find you unattractive. That happens to everyone. But you're bound to make things a whole lot worse if you make a big production out of your insecurities through your words and/or body language.

Even all the people who appear outwardly confident have issues. Everyone is self-conscious about something. But they've learned to push past those fears and anxieties, and you can too (*hug*) Make zero apologies for yourself and your body.

 

Amicus pretty said what I was going to say.

I myself have confidence issues. Sometimes I look back at my life and think "Holy hell, how did I make it through that". Once you realize that even if things go badly that you'll be ok, the confidence will naturally come. So I try to remember that no matter what happens I'll be ok.

So try to keep that in mind. You'll be ok.

 

Hi Gazza

I know how you feel - I suffer from a lack of confidence. Which is weird because I have a job where I deal with the public daily. I'm fine talking and joking with friends, but if someone I don't know talks to me away from work, then that is outside my comfort zone and I clam up. I try not to be rude, but I'm useless at small talk and trying to keep up conversation.

 

Confidence is NOT extroversion. Confidence is being sure that you, just as you are, is good enough for anyone. That you're good enough for you, and you're good enough for anyone you want, and that while you may change, and you may get stronger, there is nothing you have to do to make yourself worthy of having the life you want. Confidence doesn't mean you're more extroverted, confidence means you're okay with who you are.

 

Shy peeps often are in the background. If I find one and they are not a hermit I will attempt to bring them out of their shell. But all in all it is the confident ones who get the fun and the dates.

I am extrovert, but I was bullied so much for so long that I lack a lot of my former confidence. So I am in-between. At 1st I am not going to go up to peeps in a group...I was told by a guy at a church college group it is up to me and other new peeps to go up to them and join in and introduce myself. Um wrong! However, if they are not jerks, and are friendly to me, it takes only a few minutes and I am picking on them and teasing. At school it can take me a while to make friends, while confident peeps do it 1st day and get a gf by the end of 1st week. Wow! :eek: So...you can be yourself, but ask yourself if they you that you are being is really you...or is it what is left after a lot of bullies got done with you in 4th grade. Thats all. If you can overcome it, be confident in yourself, not too cocky, and smile at others. They will be drawn to you.

---------- Post added 29th Dec 2012 at 03:54 PM ----------

Never met an introvert who exuded confidence. But then they are hiding with a book in the corner of the library alone...so maybe the book knows?

---------- Post added 29th Dec 2012 at 03:56 PM ----------

Oh and a trick i used well at school to get over a really bad issue in signing in class...which was cuz i felt judged harshly by some students as not as good a signer...I just went into actor mode! If you have had any theater, make a character for the job at hand, give him a confidence in himself, and ACT like you are him! It made me pass my class! Teacher could not believe the difference.

 

This is well written.

Also, I'm not attracted to insecure people because I think that to be in a healthy romantic relationship, both parties have to respect and love themselves to be able to contribute as equals. If you don't realize your worth, how do you know what you are giving in the relationship? I'm not saying that having insecurities and social awkwardness is bad; everyone has them. But socially crippling ones are not a characteristic I look for in a partner.

 

I think that confidence is not only about talking to people and stuff, its about feeling comfortable with yourself, for example yo can feel attractive, and there are going to be people out there who will find you attractive, because the fact that you feel it will make you look even better than you already do.

Maybe the part about joking around with people and making conversation is difficult for you, but you can still feel confident about yourself and people will notice it.

 

Personally, confidence is really attractive to me because so many folks (especially within the LGBT community--at least on the high school level) struggle from low self-esteem and often times, self-harm and depression. To me, having confidence is usually a sure sign that weeks or months down the road, I won't have to be talking someone I care about down from a ledge. Plus, someone knowing they're hot, skilled, etc is pretty sexy. Confidence tends to also come from passion; if you're passionate, you invest a lot of time and eventually become confident in your field. That passion is such a turn on.

 

Confidence has always been an attraction, it isn`t new. I am confidend, but I am not extroverted. I can be shy. There`s a big difference between being confident, and extroverted or cocky. In Norway, we have these old rules, which most say no longer apply, but once upon a time did: You should not think you are worth anything. You should not think you are someone. You should not think you can do something as well as someone else, etc. This is called "Janteloven". Confidence is in it`s opposite of that form is attractive. When you know that you are worth something, that you are someone worth caring about, when you are aware of what you can or cannot do. One can be both shy and confident. It quiet confidence, and I find that pretty sexy too, lol. But being confident and self-accepting does NOT automatically make you an arrogant a**, which is what Janteloven claims.



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