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How do u know?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by William1, Sep 28, 2006.

  1. William1

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    How do u know ur gay? I don't mean all that fem stuff, but that u like boys in that way.
     
  2. Proud1p4

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    How do straights know their straights or bi's know they're bi? There's no explaining it, your body isn't going to put a huge neon sign up saying "hey i want the same sex !!". It just comes to you in time, through expierence. You have to date a few guys or girls to know what feels right, not as individuals but as their gender.

    I don't know why, but your body knows what it likes and what it's attracted to and eventually your brain will follow in it's footsteps and say "hey, maybe we're homo/bisexual."
     
  3. step49x

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    I'm physically attracted to guys, and I could care less (as far as that type of thing goes) about girls.


    This kind of reminds me [indirectly] of the predetermined vs. choice debate. There are some people are thuroughly convinced that your orientation is a choice (think of the religious conservatives preaching that gayness is a sin), and there are others that believe that you don't get to choose your orientation (think of most everyone who is gay).
     
  4. suburbs_of_sodom

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    Yeah, and then as people are gaining enough sense to realize that very few would actually choose to be gay (since they didn't choose to be straight and not many people want to be part of an oppressed group), some of the Christian Right is choosing to argue that since humans are sinful by nature, the "gay gene" is the biological expression of human sin. Which is again stupid because if you're born gay, and baptised when you're a baby, then aren't you supposed to be cleansed of original sin and thus all sin? How, under that "argument", can one explain gay people baptised before they are old enough to commit any sort of sin?

    But back to your question Willie, I know just because I look at guys and am attracted to them, whereas I am not attracted to women. Though the timing is different for different people. When you know, you know and there's really no "formula" for determining whether you are gay.
     
  5. Paul_UK

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    That's how it is for me too.

    Putting it bluntly, what do you think about when you masturbate (if you are letting your mind run free and not trying to think about something in particular) - guys or girls? What catches your eye from across the street - guys or girls? Which pages to you stop and look at in teenage or music magazines - pics of guys or pics of girls?

    It could be that you are attracted to both guys and girls, either equally or one more than the other. Noting wrong in that either.

    Maybe at your age you just can't be sure, or it varies so much as to make little sense. Nothing wrong in that either, just give yourself some more time and don't be in a rush to give yourself a label. I was unsure when I was 13 - but was pretty sure (though in denial) by the time I was 15. But then I was a bit of a late developer. I remained in denial until my mid 20s.
     
  6. step49x

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    So I guess I was two years ahead of you in fully accepting (and actually starting to think/care) about my orientation (and sexual orientation in general).

    I love this place. If nothing else, you find out that you aren't as alone with many issues as you thought you were...
     
  7. Paul_UK

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    Exactly. Forums like this help people to realise that they aren't the only person in the world experiencing these feelings, and that it is actually quite normal.
     
  8. CrazECarmine

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    This kinda reminds me of the idea of how some people believe that being gay is based on the environment that you grew up in ... or that some people believe that you are gay ... the whole nature vs nurture debate??? i figure it applies here...just looking for some other peoples opinions ... cuz i always feel either way about this... like i was raised mostly around women ... like dad worked alot ... and was never home growing up ... i cant only remember him home on weekends ... and he would be doing stuff ... and my mom was over protective and would keep me by her side always ... i was around my mom...grandmothers ... (both no longer had husbands) and my moms sisters (all unmarried ... until recently first one got married when i was 14) ... i really have had no male influnces in my life ... so i wonder ... is that why im gay ... or is that i was just born gay ... idk ... i get really confused about this and was wondering what you guys though about it
     
  9. step49x

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    Is that why you're gay? I don't know. I mean, I can see that affecting your personality, having no male influences. I'm sure there are also straight guys that have had all female role models, it's just that we probably aren't going to find any here to talk to. :lol:
     
  10. GuitarGirl1350

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    No, I grew up without any male influence, excluding my brother, and I like girls. *shrugs* I'm certain it's predetermined, and the people who claim you can change it are bible humper wannabes, so they lie and go to therapy.
     
  11. CrazECarmine

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    I agree that it is predetermined, but how do we really know. Is there really a gene. I mean I hear people always talking about it, but has it really been proven that there is a specific gene that makes a person gay? I don't know. Until we are sure that there is a gene that determines from birth that one is gay, you have to think that there are influnces in your life that cause you to be gay. Its not only, not having male or female influnces in your life, but the way in which you are brought up. I feel there is more to this arguement then, there is gene that makes you gay, and people who say that nurture has no influnce on it i think are being a little close minded. I took a course in Human growth and development and took a course in preschool education. (i thought i wanted to be a teacher, and i am a cert. preschool teachers aid.) And in both of these courses, we studied about gender roles and why they occur and the most convicing arugement to why gender roles occur is both nature and nurture.
     
  12. cyclopsrock

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    When I was younger, I was always excited when I saw a gay character in TV or on the movies, but I never knew why. Even if they weren't that attractive, something inside me was relating to them. I started learning more about homosexuality in general, and I started wishing I had gay friends. It was only early this summer when my best girlfriend asked "What if you were gay?" I thought it couldn't be possible. I'm straight and always have been. But as a started questioning myself I started looking at more guys. And there was this one guy and I found myself saying "wow, he is really cute." and it was just like OMG! All the pieces just kind of fell in to place from there. I realized why I never felt anything sexual for girls i had gone out with or just any girls at all. And i just realized everything at once. And it felt really nice. It was like saying "oops. my mistake" and starting all over again. just to be sure, i tried to keep a VERY open mind over the next few months to make sure i really was feeling what i thought i was. and it turns out, i'm gay. and i wouldnt have it any other way.
     
  13. GuitarGirl1350

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    it's been semi proven. I will try to site my sources later, but here is a synopsis of the articles I read:

    Basically, doctors noticed that in cases of twins, if one was gay, the other was. So he started looking deeper into this, and along with a team, discovered a possible "gay gene". They also discovered it was in alot of the population's dna, but that it laid dormant in most of them. Kind of in the way that you possess the genes for, say, blue and brown eyes, if yours are brown and if (we'll say) your mother has blue, and your father has brown, you possess the genes of both, but the blue gene lays dormant in your body. Like the lightswitch for the "blue" is switched off, leaving brown. (did this make sense?) There has been extended research into this thesis but that is their conclusion so far. I'll go look it up and post later.
     
  14. davo-man

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    I dont reckon it's in the genes...i think its more akin to a personality trait...you can't choose whether you are impatient or always late....as well as you can't choose what type of music you like or what movies you like to see....These things can be influenced by outside forces like if your sisters play Mmmbop by Hanson 5 billion times on loudspeakers then you are bound to appreciate it or at least know the words to it (and yes i do know every word to that song...every note sung...every pluck of the guitar and i did not choose to have that drummed into my head)....Similarly you cannot choose whether you are gay and it's not in the genes...its just who are and though it can be influenced by the world and environment around it, this environment does not choose your sexuality; it chooses itself.

    By the way....there HAVE been cases where one twin is extremely camp and gay whilst the other is straight....so it's probably not in the genes
     
  15. zbgirl

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    I probably would not have known about myself untill maybe never cuz i never thought about iti just thought that i like guys so i must be straight but once my friend came out to me it made me start paying more attention to what i was thinking and feeling. and it just hit me one day. at first i was really wearded out by it but after a couple of days i was like you know what if bi and i'm proud. it took me a little less time because i have a lot of gay and bisexual friends. there are a lot of people who still ask me why i chose to be bi though.
     
  16. step49x

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    Around the start of my sophomore year, I started dating a girl (she initiated it). We dated for a little over a year. While it would take me another year or so realize and accept that I was gay, throughout the relationship I did notice that it was kind of fun and all, I wasn't really physically attracted to her or anything. Throughout my Junior year and into my senior year, I realized I was gay (my porn was pretty much girl-free), but I really hadn't thought much about it. It wasn't until the summer after my senior year of high school that I actually did any exploring into what it meant 'to be gay' (aka. i started visiting sites like this, some of the PFLAG places, ect). Up until this time, I realized I was gay, but didn't go any further than just the realization thing.
     
  17. ampthejazz

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    Basically, I've known for a while, like years, but I haven't been able to admit it to myself until earlier this year. I had my first kiss from a girl in the summer before 8th grade. I went out with a girl for a while in freshman year, and I really liked her, but I just realized that I wasn't attracted to her. I liked kissing her, but nothing else. I couldn't even imagine anything else. She broke up with me because of someone else, and yeah.... I still didn't admit it to myself for like a year after that. I've definitely known for a long time that I'm attracted to guys, I just never embraced it.
     
  18. cyclopsrock

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    Ugh. I went out with a girl once cause I was thought i was straight and I was feeling lonely and desperate. As soon as I found out she liked me, we started "dating". I never spent any time with her so us going out was really just a status, (you know 8th grade.) On New Year's eve, I kissed her and it was like I was feeling nothing. Like kissing a member of my family. I realized I didn't like her in that way and that I never would. Eventually I avoided her to the point that she got fed up and dumped me (I was afraid of confrontation.) Although I don't blame myself because at the time I was still convinced I was straight, I still regret giving away my first kiss to someone that I could never care about romantically.