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Romantic Attraction - What is it?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by INTJ, Jan 8, 2013.

  1. INTJ

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    I just wanted to start a little discussion into this thing we call romantic attraction. Now I know this clearly exists as I am only romantically attracted to males but as I can't accept things at face value I have to delve deeper and ask why?

    Unlike sexual orientation, who we are romantically attracted to confuse me the more I think about it. What is it that causes us to be romantically attracted to specific genders? Is it because we dislike qualities pertaining to certain genders? Is it because like sexual orientation, a "romantic orientation" is defined at birth? Is there no reason at all?

    When I look up the definition of romance I come across the same usual definition that pertains around love. For example:
    Romance is the expressive and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person associated with love. - wikipedia

    But the way I see it though, love is not gender specific. I can love someone regardless of sex. So why is it that I can only "romantically love" men?

    So the real question here is why is that "romantic love" can be gender specific? If there has been any research done into this I would love to read it.
     
  2. Hexagon

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    Perhaps the personality traits traditionally associated with men are attractive to you. I don't know of any research on the subject, sorry. Its an interesting question though.
     
  3. Lux

    Lux
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    I have only ever "romantically" loved women--hence why I label myself as bisexual, but in truth I'm probably more along the lines of homoromantic like you.

    That isn't to say that I don't think I could be romantically attracted to a male. I think I could. It's just, in general I make friends so easily with girls. I think were I to have more guy friends, perhaps I'd have a chance at a romantic connection, but that's just never been the way I socialized. My goal for college has been to get more guy friends, because for a long time I've just kind of thought guys were cute and never taken the time find out if their personalities were too.

    I therefore think that perhaps romantic love is not gender specific for me--I've just never found a guy who wanted to open up to me the way girls have, and that's what makes me fall for someone.
     
  4. Hatsupi Kona

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    "Romantic Love" Is like dating, nights on the beach, day at the park, etc.. When it is referred to as "Romantic attraction to men, sexual attraction to women" they mean they would have all the dating associated with a man, but not necessarily "go all the way" like they would with a female.
     
  5. Lux

    Lux
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    I think I could fairly say I (in most part) have a history of sexual attraction to men and romantic attraction to women, given that description!
     
  6. Lance

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    I don't understand how people separate the 2 when it comes to having a relationship with someone since to me you need to be romantically and sexually attracted to the gender of the person. How can you have a successful partnership with a person if you are only romantically attracted to them, but not sexually, or vice versa? Unless I have things wrong?
     
  7. Lux

    Lux
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    Well I'm currently dating someone who I feel so attracted to emotionally that I want to express that physically, but when I first met her, and for the first ~2 years we knew each other I NEVER thought "oh I'd tap that".

    It was really only once I got to know her better when I realized I just cared about her so much, I wanted to be with her all the time and and and... yeahhh..

    I sometimes do wish I could just go hook up with a guy though.
     
  8. INTJ

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    Asexuals can find long lasting relationships and they may not have any sexual attraction to their partners. What you are saying is that a relationship needs to have a sexual component in them but there are instances where that is not the case. These tend to be deeper and more meaningful as they delve more into the emotional aspect.

    I think what defines a successful relationship is more or less the people in the actual relationship. It depends more on their compatibility as opposed to whether or not they are both romantically and sexually attracted to one another.

    Anyway I think this topic has run a little off the rails. Rather then letting this brew into a complete mess of a topic I want to hear peoples thoughts on this. So please keep this on topic.