Now, I didn't post this in 'coming out stories', because it isn't one primarily I didn't post this in 'Support and Advice' because I just want to share and everything's going rather well, now. I didn't post this in 'Health and Well-being' because I'm in good health and I'm being well. I just want to share and as such, I will post here I've seen some posts like this, so I thought I'd give it a go, just 'because'. This is essentially going to be my experience in life in a post or 2. That's pretty much it. So enjoy reading this. A prelude on my family before the story you're about to indulge in begins: My father : A bear of a man. Although slow to anger, not someone you would want to. Standing at 6'3. Although he was unfit (he had an appetite, for sure) he had muscles the size of jugs. When I was 12 I could still sit in his hand and he could lift me to his shoulder, over crowds and what-not. He was, and still is, my definition of manliness. Cropping out over the top of his buttoned shirt is ginger-ish chest hair. His sleeves are always rolled up to his elbows, as if a fight was about to break out in a bar. He is broad shouldered and generally someone you don't want to cross. It was as if he could fight a bear with his hands and win with ease. All this said, he is an intellectual. He has a BSc in computer science and is a contract IT 'guy'. He's not afraid to voice his opinion on matters and always stands from the perspective of that of the founding fathers on many subjects, generally 'Freedom' and 'Choice' with nothing to compromise it, rights of humans and all that jazz. He'd always beat you in an argument and he knows it and as such, he was fairly confrontational and came down hard on anything 'stupid' you may have said. So that's my father, smart and tough. My mum is a stout woman. Much shorter than anyone else in the family at this point (we're all taller than 6' but she's around 5'. She's as hard working as my dad but had more time for us (my brother and I). Although both my parents were there for us, I generally noticed my mother being there more of the time. She is currently running her own arts & crafts business from home as well as working part-time for an HIV & AIDs charity. She has always encouraged me to give everything a go. She was always behind me 100% with anything I may have taken an interest in (as was my dad, come to mention it, he just didn't say he was, but you know...) My Brother (older) has always been the actor of the family. He currently works as an extra/actor and has appeared in 'Captain America', 'Clash of the Titans', 'Snow-white and the Huntsman' and many other films (and TV adverts). He has no shame, in a good way, He was never afraid to ask a question (however stupid sounding to anyone else) and never afraid to be upfront with things. He's the kind of guy that gets an Idea, sticks with it and then when another idea comes along, he forgets about the original idea and goes with the new one which has both its good and bad points. I think that covers everyone 'important' to me, although I have many friends now of which I care deeply. ------------------------- I had a pretty happy childhood. I had plenty of friends, an abundance of safety nets and all the rest of it, so I never felt down for long. It was a good time. At my first school I went to (for ages 3-6) all the way through the various primary schools I attended (we moved several times before settling at my current location), I had always been 'good' generally. Always completing homework as soon as possible with the attitude of getting the hard stuff out the way, leaving the easier things until last. I enjoyed doing the work set by the teachers. I was encouraged by my father and mother to enjoy it, to take pride in it (even at an early age, where most work was nothing to be proud of among other kids :dry: ). It was a good time, all in all and I would change nothing about my childhood. In the primary school you could say I 'actually' attended -I stayed from year 2 until year 6- (which is located in the village I currently live in), I made new friends, I was sociable and generally...'a kid'. I was never really interested in exercise, being uncomfortable or any of that and, coupled with diet of greens, meat and crusts I had as a child (I didn't build a high metabolism), I did put on a couple of pounds, to say the least. I was the fat, jolly kid at school, essentially. In this school I came to notice I did gravitate towards the boy group and that I just generally liked being around guys more than girls. I didn't, at this age, know what It meant, what is was called or even if it was 'not normal' (you know what I mean). And hence life was fairly good at this school. I chipped a tooth, broke a bone, all part of growing up in the countryside town of England that I currently live in. The end of year 6 came, and this meant big boy school was just around the corner! Year 7 to 9 was the year where you mature in school, you are given much more information about subjects and given a taste of all the subjects you would be able to choose to continue in year 10 and 11 for your GCSEs. In this school, after about ~4 days of it (when the term had actually started), I had promised myself not to change from my (not to brag) well-spoken, upright and inquisitive, 'innocent' self in this new world as I had seen some things already. 'Swagger' and general 'yobbishness' was in fashion, it seemed and I didn't want to be like that. We were assigned tutors of 30 classmates with a tutor master. Ours was Mr Knab. A sarcastic, short man who was a maths teacher. I immediately grew a liking to him as he seemed more 'human' than the other teachers in the slightly non-PC way he expressed his dislike of certain kids around the school. As I said earlier, I was overweight by now and as such, I was picked on. At first it was just the small smirk or something, but over time it got worse and worse. I became really self conscious and had ultra-sensitive hearing to my name, anything to do with weight and I was basically paranoid. Around the age of 14, not only because of the bullying, but because since the age of around 11-12, where puberty was kicking in, I began to realise I wasn't like the other boys, and that I rather preferred the company of boys than that of girls. I didn't like it, and I was really rather scared, I had begun to self harm ("Well, that escalated quickly" - Well there the name calling and stuff went on from around 12 to 15 along with the self-realisation ). Over that period, I didn't want to go to school, I felt miserable and my attitude towards my work had all but disappeared. Every day was just a drudge through a thick mud of hatred, really. Also, around this time, I attempted suicide (obviously not successfully ). So yeah at this point in my life it was a pretty bleak time, It had gone from Happy kid to depressed teenager in around 2 or 3 years. What made me stop cutting my wrists was unfortunate but it happened. The scars were red and noticeable against my skin (can you guess where this is going?). Given this I had taken to making a habbit of getting fully dressed in my school uniform, t-shirt and (luckily) school jumper. I didn't put the jumper on when I went to breakfast. My mother, mercifuly, was the only one there that morning. I poured the cornflakes, poured the milk and ate. After about 15 seconds of chatting - I get this question out of nowhere "What is that on your wrist?" and no sooner, and I mean not even a split second after she finished that sentence, she just started crying. Needless to say I felt pretty fucking awful at that point. I promised her (and later myself) I would never do it again. And I haven't. It's a shame it took something like that to make me stop, but it worked. The bullying didn't stop however and this continued to around the age of 15. At this age, maybe the later part of 14, I had become more comfortable with the knowledge I was gay and, despite my complete lack of confidence about pretty much everything I engaged in, I knew I had at least one friend that wouldn't care and I confided in him. We're still close friends to this day and I can honestly say I value him as a friend, even if he is a bit dopey . So, I was out to one person and although I had thought we were in private, it felt as if by lunch time the next day, the whole shool knew! or atleast, a large portion of my year did. No body made much of a fuss apart from the occasional stupid question or snarky comment which is better than what some people get, so I continued my life.. I received my GCSE's at the end of it all, achieving an A in maths and 2 A's in 'Dual Science' (the only grades I really care having). During the time from 14-16 (I can't really remember when) but as things went on I came out to my brother (he had obviously heard about the rumours and so came questioning me), my mum and I asked her to tell my dad (which I had forgot). My brother and mother were very accepting and didn't mind at all. My dad? Well I don't know. I don't know how he feels about it, whether it's a non-issue or whatever. We don't talk about it, never have and it looks as though we never will, although I would like to. In the later part of this time, I really came out as gay to my friends, 1 after another. As you'd expect most them exclaimed one way or another "I thought you were bi? ._. " and basically responded that I wanted to 'test the water' as it were. And low-and-behold, again the news got around - Someone was gay! I didn't mind so much, I'd become desensitised to any form of harassment by then and so I just shrugged it off with my fairly new thick skin. I told my mother, rather shakily, that I was actually gay, not bi, and that when ..."I said I was bi, I really just wanted to see how'd you react" - She basically said "Oh" and fell back to sleep on the sofa...Not important to her, it would seem.... Along this road, I met one amazing person. We'll call him T (in other posts, I refer to him as M) . T is straight (unfortunately, I might add). Back then, I didn't really know him and he didn't really know me, but we have mutual friends and so along the way I got to know him, and I wish I had known him earlier. He is, as of now, as I'm writing this, my closest friend. The person I feel I could tell anything to, and I have. He knows I'm gay, and knows that I have a lot of affection for him. He regularly flirts with me, tells me he loves me, caresses me and all that, and I know it's all a joke, but it's nice to have a friend that can be that comfortable around you and have a mutual, unspoken understanding like we do. He's a real find. He's one of my main reasons to be happy, along with my other friends, and family and my rather comfortable situation I find myself in today. His work ethic is amazing, his personality is awesome and he's just generally someone one could aspire to be like. He's just amazing in everyway and I wouldn't want him to change! So today : I'm losing weight, visibly. I'm feeling better in general. I'm out (as gay, not bi) to everyone I have any kind of regular contact with the exception of grandparents (but I know they won't mind either!) and I have quite a few wonderful friends! I have my fathers physique in the sense that I'm also 'tough' looking (I've been working out :icon_wink ) and broad shouldered. I'm really rather lucky to be in the situation I'm currently in and on reflection, I don't think I'd change my past all the much, knowing it would shape me how I am today. I genuinely think I came out a better person because I just took my troubles as they came and that I experienced them. And so concludes my story (although reading it back, I have missed unimportant bits here and their). It is now immortalized for ever in the nether of the internet. And with that I think I'll go to bed (College tomorrow!) I tried to be as chronological as possible, but you know how it is >.> Hope you enjoyed this read!
