lately for me it has been a struggle, dealing with my body i don't know just curious what people do when they're feeling down about their gender usually, if i'm alone, i'll bind or pack but that tends to make it worse. then i do something like put on a dress or make-up to reverse the feelings lol. just a big cluster-fuck of emotions.
I hate the lady time. Like seriously it's the one thing that I actually hate about my body. It really messes up how I feel about my unisexness. Like I just...and I don't know what to do about it. It just makes me feel all gross and less me. But like then there are all the health cons about removing ovaries and not having periods, blah blah.
Dysphoria hasn't been hitting me too bad, physically that is until the "curse" comes. It only realy hits me where it hurts socially. I tend to deal by venting through poetry, since it's healthier than what I use to do.
I deal with mood swings on a regular basis that can at times make me hard to be around. Happy one moment, near tears the next. I try a few things, like taking deep breaths with my eyes shut and thinking of things that stabilize me. I also make sure to never, ever completely conform to people's expectations of me. I always have at least one thing that accentuates my image of myself, and that stabilizes me a little. Another way of dealing with it is by writing or listening to music, both things I do on a regular basis, and one of my favourite pursuits, online outfit creators. =x
Badly, to be honest. Although it has gotten much better since getting hormones. I imagine it will go away completely when I get top surgery.
This has been on my mind recently. Back when I was thin and androgynous, I did not suffer from much gender dysphoria. I dressed boyish and was pleased with myself. If I ended up looking girly, I was still pleased with myself. (I suppose because I knew I could make people read me as a pretty boy whenever I really wanted to) Well, I had to be on some meds that left me looking extremely female. For a while, I dealt with it by ignoring my masculine side and trying to do what I could with the feminine looks. I bought myself some nice ladies' clothes and for a while, I liked that. I could look at myself and think I looked good. However, it started to make me feel sick because I feel like I am lying to everyone all the time, including myself. What I started doing recently that is making me feel a little better is stop thinking of the way I look as being a problem with having a biologically female body. I try to think of my curves like any other physical trait I may have that determines what I wear. I went out to get some clothes the other day, and for the first time in a while, got mostly men's. (btw, Express has really small, sharp [imo], fitted men's clothes, guys) Just like I have to consider how short I am when finding clothes that look good on me, I considered that I have larger hips (not that I have WOMAN hips). So, I can't wear my straight leg skinny pants anymore (but really, a lot of people can't wear the pants they did when they were a kid and still look good.) OP, I am not sure if that helps you as the situations are probably different, but maybe try to find things about your body you like, regardless of gender and focus on those? Wear clothes, accessories, whatever that hightlight whatever those traits are. I try to do that sometimes, and I think it helps.
How many years have you had T, how has it helped your feelings about gender? You know in America getting it is not same as for you in UK, but I really wish I knew more about how it affect the body in all ways. ---------- Post added 12th Jan 2013 at 04:02 AM ---------- I always bind, and though we are not supposed to, I wear it to sleep often. I just don't want perky ones in the morning to greet me. I wear my packer to sleep even with mom in the same room, I am on top of a bunk bed, and I wear it when she is not here, and I wear it in my dorm at school. I rarely wear it in public...but do if I want to just wear long sweater or coat over it. I feel more confident when it is on. I love it, it is my buddy, and I feel it is a sad part of me as it is not real. I had a cold AND period start same day...it was sad to see. Nothing can make my dysphoria go away as everybody calls me female pronouns and assumes I want to be treated as a lady. Even coming out to a woman in a deaf community, she said I am welcome to still go to the women's only events, even though they are adamant no men or kids are allowed. She did not help as she did not get that it is not a kindness she is doing me saying that...it is saying she sees me and they all do as a woman still and so i am exempt. EW. more issues. I bet if I looked male it goes away.
I hate it. There's not much I can do really, and I tend to deal with things negatively, so I'm just trying to get past this phase of my life as quickly as possible until I can leave home and start again.
Ugh, I've been having it pretty badly lately. There's not much I can do about it right now, so I just write poetry like BoiGeorge said to vent and sometimes rant to my friends who I'm out to (thankfully they don't mind).
I don't deal with my dysphoria. I just let it get to me. I don't know what to do. There's still no spell to undo the curse for me.
