Attraction Vs. Orientation

[Steam Giant]

I've heard a few opinions on this topic, and am very curious to hear what everybody else thinks. My question is essentially: Is a homosexual person capable of being attracted to the opposite sex? In other words, can they be attracted to both genders and still be able to get away with calling themselves gay? By attraction, I don't simply mean being able to determine if an individual is attractive or not. It's more like, if a person is attracted to and desires a relationship with members of the same sex, but are also physically attracted to members of the opposite sex, could they be seen as gay, or would they be smacked with the bisexual lable?

Feel free to debate this as much as you like ^^ I'm very interested in hearing what everyone thinks!

I think it is possible to be attracted to someone of the opposite gender and still identify as gay. It's all about how you see your feelings flowing and how you determine your identity. If you're a guy and you're attraction to other guys is stronger and you desire them more than physically then you can still be gay even though you may feel attracted physically to a woman occasionally. Just my take on it.

[KatoKumi]

I don't think there should be labels on it. I think sexuality is what it is. It's just sexuality. A general fact that all humans are sexual beings. And I think it's fluid, and you can be attracted to whoever if you feel they're the right one for you. Whether they're a boy or girl doesn't have to affect your view on how you love them.

i think it really depends on the person. for me, i think that sexual orientation has to do with physical attraction , because I could easily fall in love with a man or a woman, its just that I wouldnt be able to perform well sexually with a woman because I am not as sexually attracted to them (Though I am to some degree, im probably 75% gay 25% straight or somewhere around there, I enjoy making out with girls on occasion and find them attractive sometimes)

[Nerdtendo]

Sexual orintation is, as it implys in the name, sexual. It's basicly who'd you get into the sack with. however, a relationship is not built on sex, so I figure that a gay man can be emotionaly happy with a female partner.

[Nitro]

Originally Posted by KatoKumi

I don't think there should be labels on it. I think sexuality is what it is. It's just sexuality. A general fact that all humans are sexual beings. And I think it's fluid, and you can be attracted to whoever if you feel they're the right one for you. Whether they're a boy or girl doesn't have to affect your view on how you love them.

Amen to that!

The standard labels truly are petty and simplistic. All they are good for is conveying the general idea - like a headline in a newspaper - it isn't the full story. Labels have their time and place, and it certainly isn't in self-concept. About the only time they are useful is just to give that general idea to someone else without delving into details you would rather not share with them, and/or when said individual(s) wouldn't care to know.

[VomAnderenUfer]

The standard labels truly are petty and simplistic. All they are good for is conveying the general idea - like a headline in a newspaper - it isn't the full story. Labels have their time and place, and it certainly isn't in self-concept. About the only time they are useful is just to give that general idea to someone else without delving into details you would rather not share with them, and/or when said individual(s) wouldn't care to know.

Exactly! The reason I identify as a gay woman/lesbian would be to explain to some person who just doesn't need to hear a ten minute monologue on the complexities of my sexuality.

Although if I had to choose a label for myself, I would choose lesbian. I'm about 90% sexually attracted to women, but there is the remaining 10% which consists of men I would consider a short-lived sexual relationship with. The key for me is that I can't see myself in a real relationship with a man, as I've never felt the emotional connection with one.

[heatqueen]

Sometimes I ask myself: If I were to choose between a 'hot' guy and a 'butch' girl, who would I choose?

My answer: Probably the guy, although this does not in any way mean I'm attracted to him *sexually*; it's just that I probably wouldn't particularly want the butch girl.

Therefore, for people who say that that must therefore make me bisexual, they're wrong, because there's a difference between choosing someone out of attraction, than choosing someone out of looks, because I wouldn't be attracted sexually to either the man or woman in that sort of instance.

Thank you SO much ! That made quite a few things clearer for me

"A homosexual person capable of being attracted to the opposite sex"
^ me

Sexuality is so much more complicated to answer "yes" or "no". I think people rarely fall into a neat little box marked "gay" or "straight", it's not that black and white. I personally think although the labels have some practicality, they are a bit misleading.

I suggest you look up both the works of Dr. Marty Klein and Alfred Kinsey's work in particular.

[Psychedelic Bookmarks]

I think that these labels have so many connotations and nuances that it's unhelpful to put rigid restrictions on them. It's up to the individual to define themselves as they choose. If I meet a girl who says she's lesbian, but also goes with guys, that's her choice of label, I'm not going to argue with that. It's such a personal thing, and as proud said, there is no black and white.

I also think there are different levels of attraction. For example, for me at the moment, I think that I have attraction towards some men on a physical basis. But not so much their actual male-ness, like, their penis. So, I can see a guy and think "Oh, he's cute", but the attraction is for the body not the genitals. Lol, that sounds so clinical. I mean, some butch/androgynous women look very similar to some men. Am I going to magically not find some of those men attractive just because I know they've got a penis under their trousers? No. Would I want to actually be with one? Good question. What do I want to label myself? Good question.

Basically, I think these things are so complex and confusing, that if someone comes up with a label that they feel happy with, that's a goddamn lucky thing and I'm not gonna argue with them.

[sdc91]

I can tell if someone of the opposite gender is pretty, and I can be "attracted" to them. I put that in quotes because it's not the same attraction I have for guys. There's nothing sexual in my attraction to girls, nor could I imagine being in a relationship with a girl. It's just, "Oh, she looks nice."

With guys it's a different story. :P

[sngl]

Originally Posted by Steam Giant

Is a homosexual person capable of being attracted to the opposite sex? In other words, can they be attracted to both genders and still be able to get away with calling themselves gay?

I have been attracted to girls in the past...though it was mostly not physical attraction, but rather sympathy or something like that. But there was one particular case when I actually felt physical attraction. I still couldn't imagine us being together, but I definitely felt attraction. Not quite as strong as the one I feel towards guys, but it was definitely there. So, it is possible, and there's no doubt that I'm gay

[Owen]

I hate to sound closed-minded, but I have always defined sexuality as which gender someone is physically attracted to, so, though it is wrong to label people, I think you can only define yourself as gay if you are exclusively attracted to the same gender.

I'm not saying that someone who identifies as gay can't occasionally be attracted to someone of the opposite gender. If that were the case, there would probably be no gay people. I'm just saying that, if someone is frequently attracted to the opposite sex as well as the same sex, there is a whole variety of terms that can be used for that. I just don't think "gay" is one of them.

[Steam Giant]

Thanks for the input, everybody!! You were all very insightful! This is an issue I've been struggling with for quite a while (note my orientation to the left) and I think I'm finally starting to get the picture!

Originally Posted by Gamer am I

I'm not saying that someone who identifies as gay can't occasionally be attracted to someone of the opposite gender. If that were the case, there would probably be no gay people.

That's a very good point, and one I hadn't considered ^^ it's a lot clearer to me now that sexual orientation is much more of a gauge than an on-off light. Again, thank you all very much!

[pirateninja]

Originally Posted by sdc91

I can tell if someone of the opposite gender is pretty, and I can be "attracted" to them. I put that in quotes because it's not the same attraction I have for guys. There's nothing sexual in my attraction to girls, nor could I imagine being in a relationship with a girl. It's just, "Oh, she looks nice."

With guys it's a different story. :P

That's exactly how I feel. Opposite way round of course.

[iPieman]

It's human nature to be attracted to people. No matter how hard you try you can't fight who you're attracted to.

Just because you stick a label on yourself doesn't mean you have to stick to it.
Sexual attraction is different though.

[SamAlex728]

i chose the first because that has happened to me before