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How can I be a good ally?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by dolphinsneu, Jan 13, 2013.

  1. dolphinsneu

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    Just wanted to hear your thoughts.

    It's just that many people from the GLBT alliance at my school have turned against me, even though I have always been a complete supporter.

    Maybe I need to do more to be an ally.

    What makes a good ally?
     
  2. vyvance

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    A good ally is my mind can be just as simple as speaking out against homophobia when they hear it.

    Unfortunately, some LGBT can tend to be hateful towards people that identify as allies, so I hope that isn't the case with your group at school.
     
    #2 vyvance, Jan 13, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2013
  3. Argentwing

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    The only necessary trait of an LGBT ally is that one supports equal rights and treatment. Anything else is icing on the cake. Since when is there an application process before you're accepted as an ally anyway?
     
  4. LouisKat

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    Unfortunately, I have met some people who dislike and bash straight cisgender people for no reason other than that they are straight and cisgender. If they have turned against you because they have personal issues they need to work out, there is little you can do with them.

    Since I do not know you, I cannot know if you are doing any of the things I am about to talk about. . buuuut, I have had a few slightly frustrating experiences with people who called themselves allies and thought they might be worth mentioning.
    I remember a straight girl who was extremely enthusiastic about gay rights and was always covered in rainbows and dancing around when at a school GSA event. I remember another girl who called herself a supporter and was trying to get her straight boyfriend to wear a rainbow shirt that said pride on it- while at a pride parade! People can wear whatever they want I suppose, but things like that make me think LGBTQ issues are not being taken seriously and are being treated like a novelty.
    I also remember the girl who would show up in rainbows taking pictures and talking about posting them. When another person warned her to ask everyone before putting up their picture under anything GSA related, she snapped at her, saying she was not ashamed and no one else should be. A few people had to explain to her that everyone's life situation is different, not everyone's out, and being out as an ally is not the same as being out as gay, trans, etc. With her, it often seemed like her fight and enthusiasm was stronger than her compassion and desire to truly understand and support the difficulties others were facing.
    Another time, I remember a different girl going "aww, how cute!" when she learned that two adult men had just been married. I am sure she did not mean it in a negative way at all, but it seemed an odd reaction to me. I have known several people who refer to same sex relationships as "cute". Any pair can be cute I suppose, but when a straight person says "Aw!" or "They are so cute!" in a baby voice when they see a same-sex couple, unless they do that to all couples, it can feel derogatory.
    One more thing! I have met several people who think it's cool to have a gay/bi/trans/queer friend. I am usually fairly okay with whatever people do, but I admit this one offends me quite a bit and seems pretty common, at least in my experience. There is a difference between not caring if a friend is queer and actually seeking out a queer person to befriend because it's fun/cool/stylish. I have told people I am pansexual and gotten a "That's cool" as in that's fine/I don't care sort of way. However, I have also gotten a "That's cool!" and suddenly been viewed by the person as nothing but a neato queer (I feel like an exotic animal to them hah). That is not cool. lol

    You may not be doing any of those things or anything like them, but if I were you, I would think about how I talk to the other people in the GLBT alliance. Perhaps think long and hard about why you care about the GLBT alliance, and then tell them how you feel and why it is meaningful and important to you. Perhaps you could even ask them what they wish allies would do to address LGBTQ issues.