Why do so many people misunderstand this?

Yes :/

My gay cousin, my aunt and I were recently discussing something and bisexuality came up and they were both like "No, you can't like both - you HAVE to pick one side!" and I was just like WTF??!!! Makes me wanna scream...

Another favorite - "You're just not able to differentiate between friends and love interests. You just don't know the difference between friends and lovers." Yeah, right :bang:

I think for people who aren't bisexual it's probably just a difficult thing to grasp :/

 

my dad thinks its one way or another...as well.....he thinks your either gay or straight when really its not true

 

Every bi guy out there.

Girls are typically cautious. Or more cautious than they would be around straight guys. Because to them there's a chance you might run off on her "with another guy." As if the gender matters. It's as ridiculous as someone being afraid of someone running off with somebody who has a different eye color or hair color.Gay guys think that too. I've actually had one gay guy say, "if you weren't bi, I'd be interested. Guys who find girls hot are gross!" On another hand I had a girl once who things were starting up with go into a HUGE rant against same-sex attractions then I blurted out that I'm bi. She had no idea.

I bounced around between saying I'm bi to saying nothing. And now I'm just at the point where I say fuck it, if they have a problem with it - then they're not worth the effort. And I think that's the best thing to do. To just say fuck it. If they have a problem, then the problem is with them.

I know I might get leaped on for saying this. Bi's have it the hardest out of any sexuality. People say it doubles our chances, it negates them. People either think we're whores, we're confused, or that we're lying. Some avoid us just because we're not a "pure breed" like they are. And we all have to come out. Only for some reason gay guys say we're bi because it makes it easier - how, I have no idea, it's admitting the same exact thing with the same possible consequences. Only here some gay guys have it against bi guys and some girls have it against bi guys. I think it might be because we're the elephants in the spectrum making some people re-evaluate just how gray it is rather than black and white.

Best solution is to just avoid people like that.

 

I came out to a lady who is a total gay rights supporter and super nice, yet she thinks it is just a phase all boys go through... I don't think many boys go through a phase where they see sexual attraction to men and women and then suddenly make up their minds. That makes no sense...

---------- Post added 13th Jan 2013 at 09:20 PM ----------

*It as in bisexuality

 

It kind of blows my mind how gay guys can't wrap their head around what a bisexual person really is. Some people I know have flat-out denied they exist and they got a proper scolding from me.

I mean, I have my rare bi moments and they're very real. I don't think ANYONE, for that matter, is either 100% straight or gay. It's nonsense. Sexuality is very fluid.

 

The phase thing makes no sense. Literally my dad said to my mom after I came out, "this is just his newest thing, probably saw it in a movie somewhere and now thinks that's what he is, or is just trying to provoke us." I'm pretty sure no one can be convinced into thinking they're LGBT because with all the prejudices, who happily takes on all of those? I think bisexuality is gradually becoming more visible though.

 

I think it's cause everyone wants to pace people in categories so make it easier for themselves, rather than contemplate that there is a great deal of gray in the world. Gray is equivalent to the unknown therefor it is scary. Better for you to be in a category than than as something others find unnerving. It's kinda a mix of ignorance and fear.

 

People love to put everything in boxes - they're used to seeing everything in black or white, not gray. And yes, people fear the unknown... (And therefore try to deny its existence?)

Another factor might be that a lot of people don't know anyone openly bisexual. If they see someone with a same sex partner, that person must be gay, if it's the opposite sex -> straight. They usually don't ask about orientation when you introduce them to your spouse, they just assume. That someone could be bisexual doesn't even cross their minds.

I have a guy friend who came out as gay when he was 13 I think and after some time (when he was about 16) he discovered that he was also sexually attracted to girls and now he's scared to death to come out as bisexual because people are so unaccepting :/

 

Ahh well tbh I didn't really know people thought that way about bisexuals until just a few days ago. I guess it's because where I come from, people tend to say shit about gays/lesbians and not so much bisexuals because at least being bisexual is what they call, and what you sort of mentioned "half straight."

People fail to realise and understand bisexuality because they don't know. They simply don't have personal experience to put themselves in your shoes and view things your way. That being said, we can't blame them because of that. We can only point the finger when they're being rude and ignorant about your sexuality, which is what they're doing right now.

I actually have no idea what you could say when people are being an ass to you. I wish I knew what to say but I don't. I haven't had people tell me the stupid things people have told you so I really don't know but I guess you could just go with the old school, 'I like what I like, no matter what you say, not that I give a fuck any way.'

For those who say you're just going through a 'phase', ask them this. 'Well how do you know you're not going through a big faze thinking you're straight? You could be gay or bi yourself.' Those who are respectful enough would keep their mouth shut by now and call it a fair point but for those ignorant homophobic people, they'd say something like, 'Ew of course I'm not!' At that point, just say, 'How would you know? You've never been with someone of the same sex, so you could be clueless. You could be what you call "half gay" and don't even know it.'

That should shut them up.

 

I think it might be because some people who are gay get confused and think they're bi first and then later come out as gay. everyone just kind of assumes that now cause that's all they've seen. My apologies to bisexuals I totally did that. I also think a lot of bisexuals might hide their orientation cause they'd get a lot of shit for it and people aren't used to seeing it. Kind of off topic here but my schools really accepting and there was kind of a fad where kids started coming out as bi even when they really weren't cause it was the popular thing to do. I have to say that was a strange fad

 

I think I can explain the other viewpoint...
Say, for instance, gay=1 and lesbian=1
Therefore in some people's minds, bi must be either 1+1=2 or "half-gay half-lesbian"...
I dunno...

 

While I may not be bi myself, I can definitely sympathize when it comes to annoyance over the stupidity of some people and how they view sexuality. The fact that people can't seem to understand that bi individuals are attracted to both genders at the same time somewhat boggles my mind...I mean, it's really not that complicated. People who say it doesn't exist have no idea what they are talking about either. Just because they are only attracted to one gender does not mean that others can't be attracted to both. Judging others solely on being bi is ridiculous too. Sexuality is only one component of a person and it does not dictate their personality. Honestly, for those of you who have had others brush you off because of being bi, it will probably be better in the long run that you don't have to deal with such a shallow and judgmental person in your life.

 

I don't understand bisexuality I won't lie I don't get it.... Not that I don't understand but I wouldn't put it as half gay I call it more pansexual I understand that more like when it doesn't matter the sex of a person just how the person is...... I guess it's hard to understand what we are not.... Like I don't understand how straight men only like girls I don't get it I'm so attracted to men I can't imagine likening vagina...... Nothing about the female body is attractive to me..... I would rather dress her or do her make up then "do" her....? You know? But if I were In a relationship and he told me he was Bi I couldn't handle that I don't want to have to think I have competition with not only other men but also women? I'd rather if he cheated on me be it with no one but a man.....

 

c'mon now. im gay and i know what Bi is and i respect it :|

 

I think I've noticed three recurring ideas here:

1. People dis bisexuality as a phase
The fact of the matter is that all of us draw conclusions from personal experience. It takes a lot of will and effort to not be subjective. If researches are right, then a huge proportion of people, at some point in life, experiment with homosexuality. That can be a touch or a kiss in early teens or anything up to sex and relationships, but many people do have this experience. So, this seems as a no-brainer: "yeah, well, I also wasn't sure back then, but I got it sorted out".
To gay people it's even worse; for a lot of us bisexuality was a phase not in explaining ourselves to other people, but to ourselves. To come from the social norm of being hetero to accepting yourself as homo, it takes a path which leads either through bisexuality or through asexuality (which is what I did). So both cases seem as a phase to those who have such experience, which is most of homosexuals.

2. People don't understand the "dual" nature of bisexuality
Of course bisexuality is not "half gay, half straight", but sooner "full gay, full straight". But it's hard to understand when you have a strong inclination towards one.
It's not a good reason to misunderstand bisexuality, of course. Hell, it's no reason at all. You can't look at it as malicious, though (unless it really is, which in most cases it's not). I mean, as a gay man I don't understand gynephilic side of bisexuality, but that's not aimed against bisexuals. I don't understand straight men or lesbians either (no offense to anyone). It's just a thing of curiosity.

3. Gay people don't want their partners to be bi
In a society where hetero is the norm and where there is a strong social pressure to be straight (so strong that even homosexuals often choose to live the norm), it is difficult to think that you could be in a relationship with someone, share the unfairness of the situation, be on the receiving end of it all, while all the while the partner, if tired and exhausted of the life we live, can choose to simplify things and play his bisexuality card, his straight alternative, and live "normally".


Now, I'm not saying that I agree with anything above nor do I think it's fair towards bisexuals. Of course it's not. For 1, people should understand that their experience and expectations are not something other people are mandated to meet. For 2, people shouldn't make statistics and averages; if a person loves someone, that's all there is to it. For 3, partners should realize they are loved and that's all that matters.

I just hope I managed to add to the discussion, even if I didn't do it in the most readable way

 

I think the reason so many are so adamant they are fully straight...or GAY...is cuz they fear that one time they felt something for somebody that was not the gender they choose.

I think nobody is 100%...I think affection, love, and attraction can come from a person out of the blue, and to say only one gender 100% is like saying they only like powder blue eyes, or just sandy blond hair, or just people from Norway...you can SAY that is your preference, but don't mean your mind won't one day find somebody amazing who don't fit that bill.

I bet bisexuals are just more honest. In nature things tend to go along the bell curve. Majority in this case would end up bisexual, only %5 would be almost fully straight and 5% almost fully gay...and there would be less than 1% most likely that could really claim that and not be fibbing a bit.

---------- Post added 14th Jan 2013 at 05:33 AM ----------

Why?

I know you have not had a lot of luck with gay men you met, why do you assume bisexuals are also going to cheat on you? And now with women? And why would it be better for him to cheat with another man??

 

Of course that wasn't aimed at you (*hug*) I just added that to show even some gay/lesbian people have prejudices against bisexuality which tends to surprise me (and obviously you as well) because they should actually know better :/

 

Agreed to this :eusa_clap It sometimes sickens me that some gay people thinks they need to come out as a bi first, and then reveal they are really gay. They just don't realize how hard it is to be a bi!

Maybe it's really hard for gay or straight to understand since they are only attracted to one gender. I must admit it I felt the mirror of this that I don't understand how come you can only attracted to one gender. I've just wanted love and it doesn't matter what gender did it come from. But I know it as a fact that there are straight and gay and bi out there existing, so yeah, anything is possible. It really bothers me to be called 'confused' and have to choose a side. Isn't love is love, as what we all said?

I'd try explaining to anyone who found the idea hard to grasp. But for close-minded people from any kind... I think it's best to ignore them. It's no use talking when they don't want to listen.

 

Number 3 is the one I've struggled with after deciding to accept my sexuality. I am now open to the possibility of dating/relationships with guys, but there were fears similar to that in Number 3. For awhile as a gay guy, I would play the straight charade and date girls. I would fight any emotional feelings for a guy. After awhile, I realized there probably won't be any or very few girls I meet where I'll feel emotional AND sexual attraction for. Because of my situation as a GAY guy, I couldn't wrap my head around why a bisexual guy would ever want to date another guy. It's much easier to choose the socially acceptable path for a bi guy than a gay guy.

I did actually meet up with a bi guy a couple times who wanted to date last spring. He was the first guy I went on a date with... It really bothered me he had a 2 year relationship with a girl before me. Why? Because heterosexuality is shoved down your throat on a daily basis. It does suck you have to bury your dreams and admit you are in a small minority. Dealing with a possible partner that also has "hetero" desires reminds me that there is something wrong with me for lacking it, that there is something wrong with not liking the opposite sex. I stopped talking to him and would only try to meet gay guys and would purposely weed out any that seemed too "bi" for me.

Now that it's January 2013, I no longer have any issues with dating a guy who is bi. I think for someone who is gay/lesbian that has to bury their dreams and deal with being different, there tends to be backlash against those they see as having it easier. Over time though, once a gay/lesbian person becomes more comfortable and secure within their sexuality they'll be more open-minded and understanding of other sexualities. It's all part of the grieving/acceptance process.