"I Won't Tell Anyone."

Sorry. Ugh. Here's the thing...l don't personally tell girls secrets. Just my experience, not making any widespread assumptions.

l told one person who said he wouldn't tell and he didn't. Ever,lol.

adding: l have my doubts that her coworker "asked her" >.>

l want to add that you shouldn't think you can't ever trust a girl with something serious. But what l would do is think about the other girls she hangs with.

lt doesn't absolutely determine how someone is but with girls who have very gossipy type friends , l would assume that she probably indulges in the gossip occasionally as well. Just be very cautious...lol

 

My high school life right there. Ugh.

Sorry to hear that, that's definitely NOT cool!! :eusa_naug How rude is that to take something so sensitive and personal into your own hands when it's really none of your business?? Ugghhhhh. Sorry, man, you have every right to be frustrated!!

 

I also live in a rather small town (not really rural, but small nonetheless). I never had this problem because all the people I came out to held their promises and never told anyone else. But few years ago, when I was at high school (my classroom had like 15 students) and somehow the girls(who I considered my friends) started a rumour on this other friend of ours that she was gay and it was true but this friend didn't want to tell and I respected that (she hadn't told me anything that time), so I told the girls that they should mind their business.
A lot of rumours between this friend and me started and died fast (and they were all false)
I believe I did the right thing killing the rumour, being it true or not.
For your friend, I think you should talk to her about it and tell her that even if she has the bestest intentions, it's still your choice, not hers to make.

 

Never had to deal with it, because only my therapist and one other person who lives in another country (OK, well Canada - that only semi-counts! But he does live on the opposite coast) knows.

I'm not exactly sure how I'd deal with this - except to try and contain it and tell the people that already know that you'd prefer to come out to other people on your own terms - but sadly I'm not sure if that's possible at this point - only you know that.

 

So many experiences with that crap. I learned not to tell most girls crap about that. Id suggest talking to her about it so it doesn't happen again.

 

Wow. I don't know what I would do if that happened to me. After reading the replies here I realized that everyone but 1 person I have came out to are girls. One of them asked me if they should tell X I was gay. I think I might regret it one day, but there is nothing I can do now. At least I managed to get my crush's phone number off of coming out to the girls.

 

All I can say is when I did come out the first time (yes done it twice) my sex life improved because I met other people who I had no idea were gay/bi. So the second time I told a couple people knowing they would out me. From talking to other people sometimes we set ourselves up so that other people do the outing for us that way if things go bad we can blame them.

 

this kind of happened to me I confided in someone ''stupidly'' anyway turns out she was telling her friends on facebook and it got back to some of my friends who confronted me at first I denied it till I realized other people knew so the whole school would be talking obout it so I admitted it to my closest mate then mum & dad who were fine with it things got a bit shitty after that with school .

 

I always think it is a mistake to say anything unless you are prepared to come out to all. Secrets usually last as long as you are in earshot. The second you are not around everyone loves to share and juicy tidbit about something they know which no one else does. The consequences of secrets is as long as it is your keep it the second you let it go it is no longer a private matter but public display. Sorry sweetie this has happened. (*hug*)

 

yeah know how ya feel there this one girl who figured it out for herself and then went and told my homophobic best friend, tomorrow at college i WILL get my revenge (I lied like hell to make sure my friend didn't believe it)

 

That's just awful. I can't say I had too much experience with that.... There was one moment when my ex-girlfriend found out I'm gay, and that was because someone told her. Anyways, talk to your friend and tell her what you're feeling. To her it may seem obvious, but she needs to understand you want to come out on your own terms. Not hers. She can't just blab to anyone that asks. I needed a lot of courage before I could do that myself. Just go talk to her and see if you can make her understand what you want to do. And don't give into her. You need to be strong.

 

I dislike the notion that people are saying girls are more bitchy/gossip more etc, it's unfair.

Really, the most bitchy and gossipy people I know are all male ironically. However men do it in a more subtle way to think that they're just taking the piss, but in actual fact they're doing the exact same that apparently girls do, just far more discreet.

Personally no, I've never had this happen to me. Well, I was never outed (sexuality has been discussed though, see below). And the first two people I told were both female, and both of them kept it with themselves for 6 or so months.

Maybe it isn't their gender but more their personality. Ironically, the first guy I told went and told literally all his other friends. I wasn't bothered because I was out at that point, and my facebook was updated, but really. None of the girls I told did anything similar to that, and it was only him. I don't think his gender made him do it (obviously), I think his personality made him do it. He's simply a very gossipy and interfering person by nature.

 

have a few gay male mates who are so bitchy its unbelievable and whats more they couldn't give a flying fuck what people think

 

l think it's more abut the clique and that a girl on her own can be harmless but l wouldn't trust a girl if l know she has chatty friends she hangs with. lt's just how it is, l've been a part of those groups and that's how you get "validated".

l didn't last long, number one l don't care enough about most people's lives to have this kind of gossip and number two, if l did l wouldn't share it. l find it boring, they usually find the things l liked to talk about boring. Not a fit.

But l've also had male friends. l really tend to find that the conversation topics with them are just more limited. Or abstract, with a lot of discussion about random things and less often about other people.

Even a few gay ones were more this way, but l haven't really had a gaggle of gay male friends who all knew each other so l can't speak for that crowd.

Just my experience like l said but l have my reasons for exercising caution lol.

 

I agree female or male and you find gossips who can't keep a secret at all. That's why I never tell anything to anyone unless I am prepared for the entire world to know.

 

*Squawk of indignation*
Canada IS another country, thank you!


It's HARD to keep a secret, particularly if it's interesting to you. my foster sister and I are like twins, and we do end up telling each other a lot of other people's secrets in order to relieve the pressure--but we don't really count that, and would never pass it on to someone else.

 

@Gerit:

I am sorry to hear that. However, a good friend of mine who is also gay had the same thing happen to him in high school. He got teased a bit, people talked about him behind their back, but he is now in college (currently in Florence, Italy!) doing and learning what he loves, design and architecture and really successful. He is one of my good friends and the group of people we hang out with and know are so down to Earth and genuine.

The younger years, mainly during school, is full of drama and it seems like the world is contained within those hallways and small streets surrounding your house. You will grow older, and the world will be yours. It will be tough sometimes perhaps, but I know you will grow stronger because of it. People told me all the time, "these are just a few years of your life", but I didn't truly understand it until I was there. You will be giving the same speech, no doubt, to someone in the future like me as well, ha ha. Some of us learn the hard way.

Just know, no matter how bad the current situation, the future is a new day. Love you, and continue to talk with us all if you need to!

 

Yikes! This thread has just really freaked me out. I was just thinking that maybe it was time for me to come out to my best friend of many years. But right now for me I am not ready for the rest of the world. I am now really second guessing doing this!

 

@Chandler:

It certainly *can* and *is* something that brings the emotion of fear to our awareness. I could sugar coat it, but I think people deserve honesty. However, I also used to be afraid that I wouldn't be cool if I didn't play football, so I made the attempt a few times; but turns out, it just wasn't an interest of mine at all so I stopped. Was I less popular in middle school and high school? Of course. However, people as they grew older toward the end of high school started to grow up and mature (well, most) and I began to make more friends besides the small things that seem so big as a teen in school.

The same, in different context and degrees, can be for coming out. Could your best friend respond well? Yes. Could they respond negatively? Yes. Could they keep a secret? Yes. Could he slip up? Yes.

That's reality. But so is the fact you are gay, and the fact that there is no pressure to come out if you don't want to. But it sounds to me that you are having thoughts and a desire to do so. Is this perhaps because you are tired of hiding it? Is your "best friend" really someone you want in your life, or a friend at all, if he can't accept who you are? Nothing will have changed in reality, just your honesty with him. I can tell you that if I was you friend, I would be glad that you felt you could share such a secret with me, that you trusted me, and I would be there for you.

Now, this is about reality, and facing it, in our own way, our own time. Will there be hiccups? Yes, but I have found that in the end, when the dust settles, I am better for it. When we adjust something in our lives, such as coming out and being *true to ourselves*, other parts of our lives may begin to adjust. I looked at it as a necessary thing in the long run. As I am discovering more and accepting who I am, so will other parts of me, including my "friends."

As we become more true to ourselves, so does the world to us. Instead of losing friends, I understand that I am just finding my *true* friends, a more accurate and *real* life, as I become more of who I truly feel I am.