Is loyalty sometimes a bad thing

Loyalty is a two edged sword and needs to be evaluated on a case by case basis. Exp; George W. Bush was known to be loyal to his political allies. It's been said that's why he attempted to appoint Harriet Miers to the SCOTUS. Nice person? Probably. Loyal to GWB? No doubt. Smart? Probably wouldn't be there if she wasn't. A good lawyer? Has an impressive resume. But She proved not to be up to the task of being appointed to the SCOTUS. That's loyalty to a fault.
On the other hand loyalty is honorable, even if illegal, in some other cases. The Unabomber was misguided and dangerous but he was turned in by his brother, David. I would have done everything in my power to stop him but could never rat out a close family member. My father was the the epitome of unconditional love and I am the same to my kids. Wrong? Maybe, but that's the way it is.

 

I've gradually learnt over the years that loyalty is usually a bad thing, because people usually never reciprocate the affection.

My loyalty now extends to the extent in which they demonstrate their loyalty to me. I only do what I think/know the other person would do for me, nothing more and nothing less. That way, you don't get disappointed when the other person falls through and 'fails' to show you the same kindness that you showed them, if you get what I mean.

So ye, really my opinion is unbalanced loyalty is a bad thing. And if you're loyal as a person by nature, like I am, my advice would be try and treat people the way you think they would treat you. For example, that friend of yours who's so homophobic, do you see her doing even half the things that you would do for her? if the answer is no, then really, I would say that's a clear cut example of the disadvantages of loyalty; the concept only works if both participants show the same level of loyalty/affection etc.

 

Yes, loyalty is always a good thing. People can do whatever they want, but I will never lower myself to that level, that's just not me. If everyone just said "oh the hell with loyalty" the moment someone else betrayed them, this world would start sucking quickly. Loyalty is not about the other person; it's about who you wanna be.

 

Loyalty is important, but being loyal to everyone and in spite of whatever they do is both impractical and damaging to you.

If you stay loyal to your friends even when they fuck you over, then you are going to be used by them at one point. That doesn't mean go betray your friend, but if she treats you like crap then stop being her friend.

Also, if you are loyal to EVERYONE then your loyalty looses worth in a sense since people don't have to do anything major to gain your trust, which usually means they will take it for granted.

 

In a relationship loyalty is very important as long as it is reciprocated. In my view loyalty and trust go hand and hand. This can even be said for a product. If you by product X and they change it and you find it not so hot, you change products and are no longer loyal to product X. Loyalty needs to be proven by the track record that goes with it. Hugs

 

But when your friends fuck you over, then you can stop being their friend indeed. That has nothing to do with loyalty. To me, loyalty means that even after you stop being friends, you don't go and fuck them over behind their back, no matter how much you think they deserve it.

I agree you cannot be loyal to everyone, though.

 

you need to have boundaries otherwise youre going to be a mess.

being loyal to someone who has messed you around/broken your trust more than once or twice in a friendship probably isnt any good. friendships are different to relationships so thats why i say friendships. if you are still being loyal to your friend when they have broken your trust or done something bad to you more than twice it probably just shows youre desperate for their friendship because you probably have low self esteem or issues that havent been dealt with. still being loyal to someone who hurts you that wont get you anywhere apart from being constantly hurt. better to find good friends who wont mess you around than have crappy ones that hurt you.

there needs to e give and take in a friendship too it cant all be one way, thats bad too.

 

I think honesty and respect are better than loyalty. "Loyalty" is blind. I try to know who my friends and family really are, the good and the bad, and I understand that no one is perfect...and if one of the people I cared about was doing something absolutely wrong, I WOULD turn them in. It would rip me up, and I'd probably spend a lot of time apologising, but it would still be the right thing to do.

...loyalty is like when your close friend is cheating on their partner and you keep your mouth shut instead of telling the partner. How do you think the person being cheated on would feel to know that you knew they were being screwed over, and you just let it happen?

 

Loyalty is good in the sense that your friends know they can trust you and you'll always stick by them. I'm very loyal to my friends, I'd do anything for them and this has gotten me in bad situations before. Loyalty can also be bad, sometimes you're loyal to something you shouldn't be and it's that much harder to stop it if. My friend used to have a saying, "Loyalty is a two-edged sword"

 

Pretty much this.

 

Maybe we have different definitions, but to me keeping secrets doesn't indicate loyalty. I (mostly) keep whatever secrets people tell me, not out of loyalty, but out of respect to your privacy.

That being said, if someone fucks me over bad enough, then I will retaliate by other means. Probably not the wisest approach, but the hell if I'm just going to forgive people for severe stuff. I will never do it behind their backs though.

 

There have been times when I've had to disassociate from people when they are becoming too hurtful/bad in otherways. I would never try and take revenge though.

Loyalty to those who deserve it is very important. Loyalty to those doing morally wrong things is questionable. Loyalty to those who are hurting you is admirable, though perhaps not the best thing.

 

I don't think you need to go beyond your way for a friend to be loyal. Loyalty is important, but when it's not returned, it's time to rethink your actions.
I have more or less the same problem you do, I used to stand by my friends with all I had, but when I needed their help, I heard they couldn't do anything about it.
Of course that's my personal experience and it might be different for you, but it's really bad when you're loyal to someone who's not loyal to you. It doesn't mean being loyal is bad, it's a great quality.

 

Loyalty is important but it must go both ways. With me, I tend to be loyal to a close friend, so long as they are loyal to me. Even if it was the two of us against the world I would never, ever betray someone who was kind and treated me well. Yet, if a person betrays me or takes actions aimed specifically at hurting my feelings I will never forgive them and never trust them again. In many cases I would never even speak to them again.

 

Does she know you are a lesbian? If so, then it is ignorant for her to be homophobic. Loyalty can be a horrible thing. I've been to jail for people that would turn on me quicker than you can blink but I stayed true. You are good hearted like me but don't end up so alone like me.

 

Actually, you may be right. Come to think of it, if someone fucks me over big time, I'll probably get them back twice as hard.

 

There is a good chance that the friendship will come to a quick end if you did tell her. I am not judging but I can only talk from experience. The homophobic people will always be that way and they won't care if they hurt a great person like you. I am very closeted but I have confronted homophobic people that used slurs around me in an indirect way. "You like (insert random celebrity's name here) and there is always gay rumors about them. Would you hate them if they came out as gay?" It lead to arguments and sometimes physical fights. You shouldn't have to live your life in fear and walk on egg shells because of someone that is supposed to be your friend. Been there, done that, and got the T-Shirt.

Don't be sorry cause I went to jail. I have a very bad habit of being Superman or "Saving the day". It never got me anywhere except alone. People can be so cruel. I doubt you'll ever be alone cause you seem to be like me. Good hearted and can click with anyone. But the supergirl cape must only come on in emergencies and not for every time they are in trouble.


Sorry for the long post.