1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Asexual

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Divopix, Jan 25, 2013.

  1. Divopix

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2012
    Messages:
    323
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    I find it really interesting that some people just aren't sexually attracted to anyone whatsoever or aren't attracted to sex (I think).

    For anyone that is asexual, how do you think when you see someone? Is it all romantic or personality? What if you dated someone who wanted to have sex? Would you even date someone? I don't know anyone that identifies as asexual so I know almost nothing about it.

    I'd love it if someone could explain it further, preferably someone who is asexual!
     
  2. Vesper

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2011
    Messages:
    1,393
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wisconsin, The Land of Cheese and Beer
    I'm pretty sure I'm asexual. Sex has never interested me except as a matter of intellectual curiosity, and I will never date anyone who makes sex a big deal in a relationship. I am not interested in dating now, but this is not to say that I won't ever date.
     
  3. Divopix

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2012
    Messages:
    323
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    Would you ever have sex?
     
  4. KTWK

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2013
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iowa
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I've had a friend who I helped through realizing she was asexual. There are different kinds of asexual people, too, but I will provide what I've learned from her point of view.

    Most people are attracted to others in two ways, for their body, and for their soul, spirit, or whatever you would like to call it. In her case, she was only focused in the latter. She would not get physically attracted to anyone, only attracted to the person's soul. Sex was more of a thing she would do for her partner, and to gain intimacy. It wasn't that she couldn't enjoy sex, the nerve endings still work, but she couldn't really get aroused, and she never craved sex.
     
  5. Vesper

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2011
    Messages:
    1,393
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wisconsin, The Land of Cheese and Beer
    That isn't a question I can answer with absolute certainty right now. Asexuals are not necessarily averse to sex, and I'm not disgusted by it, so I may do it in the future. If it's someone I love and respect, I wouldn't mind it at all.
     
  6. Divopix

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2012
    Messages:
    323
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    I find that so interesting! Do asexuals, uh, enjoy being asexual? Do you know?
     
  7. KTWK

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2013
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iowa
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Sadly, no, a lot of them really wish they could feel sexual attraction. I can't speak for all, of course. They want relationships that they can feel physically, but don't know how to get it. For example, I can enjoy the sensation of sex with a woman, and I'm not disgusted by vaginas, but being pretty much 100% gay, it does nothing for me on an emotional level that masturbating while staring at paint dry can't accomplish. This is how I imagine some/most of them feel.
     
  8. curlycats

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2012
    Messages:
    414
    Likes Received:
    0
    as has been pointed out, there is a lot of diversity among asexuals. different people will answer the questions you've asked differently.

    there are asexuals who enjoy sex and/or masturbation, there are asexuals who don't care about it either way, and there are asexuals who are completely disinterested in sex or who even find it disgusting.

    there are asexuals who have no desire to have sex, but who are willing to have sex with their significant other if that person desires sex. there are asexuals who absolutely refuse to have sex at all.

    what answer you get depends on the person you're asking.

    however, it should be noted that "asexual" means "a lack of sexual attraction", which is not the same thing as "a lack of a sex drive/sexual urges". the two are completely different things.

    i guess i should point out that i'm actually demisexual, not asexual. however, outside of a serious, long term relationship i am essential asexual. and if that confuses you because you have never heard of "demisexual", a demisexual is someone who lacks sexual attraction until they develop a deep emotional/romantic connection to someone. once such a connection is formed, a demisexual experiences sexual attraction towards the person with whom they've connected, however even then the sexual attraction may be relatively weak.

    what an odd question. do gay men enjoy being gay? do lesbians enjoy being lesbians? does anyone enjoy being a minority?

    like everyone else, asexuals often struggle with their sexual orientation. the answer you get to that question likely depends on what stage of acceptance the person you're asking is in. of course i can't speak for every asexual, but i'm pretty confident in saying that if the person has fully accepted their asexuality, they won't "enjoy" being asexual any less than anyone else "enjoys" being who they are.
     
  9. IrishEyes1989

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2010
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Alberta, Canada
    A good friend of mine recently confided in me that she thinks she might be asexual. Up until just recently, she identified as a heterosexual but was never in any relationships, so to speak. She had hooked up with a couple of guys before, but nothing more serious than that. Anyway, she told me that she has realized of late that she has no interest in sex anymore, whatsoever. Even the though of it doesn't turn her on anymore. I told her that no matter how she identifies, I will support and love her. I was so touched because she said that I was the first person she'd told and that she did so because she knows how open-minded and progressive I am about sexuality, gender, etc.

    Personally, I think that asexuality is fascinating. That there are people out there who have no sexual attraction to anyone at all or any interest in sex is very interesting to me. I want to know more about it. I definitely think that the more understanding and dialogue there is between all members of the LGBTQ(etc.) community, the stronger and more united we will be.
     
  10. Fiddledeedee

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2011
    Messages:
    955
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Answering from what I know from an asexual homoromantic friend of mine...

    For anyone that is asexual, how do you think when you see someone? Well, she sees them as a person, though not a dateable person since she's already engaged. She is not physically or sexually attracted to them.

    Is it all romantic or personality? Yep.

    What if you dated someone who wanted to have sex? Her fiancée is a transgender lesbian who is not asexual -- who has had sex a lot in the past, even -- but they have agreed that they will never have sex. My friend finds sex disgusting, although she recognises not everyone agrees and that the arrangement between her and her fiancée may not work for everyone.

    Would you even date someone? Since she is not aromantic, she is dating someone. Asexual and aromantic people might not.

    Do asexuals, uh, enjoy being asexual? Do you know? No idea, sorry! Going into slightly more speculative territory, since this isn't something my friend and I have discussed, I think that she is comfortable with being ace and, as an asexual person, would not like to be sexual because she dislikes sex (though is still into non-sexual BDSM). Had she been born sexual, of course, that'd likely be different, so who knows.