Ever been in love?

What an interesting story!

Mine went like this. I went to my friend's Bachelorette party and her older sister was there. I knew my friend's sister for quite some time as I had known my friend since Elementary school. For some reason I had never really paid much attention to her sister before though or we would just pass by each other in the house without really talking except maybe to exchange an awkward hello when she was in her pajamas.

Anyway, at the Bachelorette party her and I started hitting it off. She had on this really cute dress and she was being more social than I had ever seen her before. She talked to me about anime and some manga she had read and was into. My first real impression of her was at this time and I kinda thought of her as a loveable dork.

I got her number from my friend and we would chat til late hours at night when she needed to go to sleep. We waited until my friend's wedding before we really started to hang out though. We got together all the time and as much as we could. We would sorta flirt kiddingly with each other. I eventually upgraded at slumber partys to sharing a bed with her, which I never really did with my other friends. I wondered why I wanted to so badly with her.

Eventually we became best friends and I found I couldn't stop thinking of her. One night when we were at a hotel in LA for Anime Expo, I cuddled up next to her in bed and then it kinda became my thing to snuggle up to/spoon her at night... sometimes grinding my hips against her and her responding... I couldn't stand not knowing if she felt the same, thought she did but didn't want to ruin the friendship. It seemed all the signs were there... her noticing I was staring at her boobs in the pool, her and I blowing kisses and joking about being like a married couple... I asked her to marry me and she said yes (jokingly of course... my life couldn't be that easy...)! I shared my deepest secrets with her. Bared my soul and trusted her.

Two years of this, and I wrote her a love poem in our secret code. She told me she didn't feel the same.

Now, 3 months later, I've realized being "just friends" is way too hard for me. I've been in a deep depression ever since, especially since I can't talk to my friends about it cuz they all know her. Sorry that was so long... I tried to shorten a two year love story in one post... :icon_redf

 

Your comment made me tear up for some stupid reason. It was hard to start from the beginning in my mind again... Thank you so much for listening. Love just turned me into this super sensitive weirdo I never thought I could be. :tears:

 

People don't get that no one chooses when how or who they fall in love with! I mean love chooses US! Gosh I just miss our friendship most of all but I fall to pieces around her now that she knows it's just so stupid!

I felt too young for love at 18! I can only imagine how tough it was at 12 years old! I don't think anyone at any age is ready for heartbreak.

 

That SOUNDS terrible... and the fact you remember how much pain you experienced like it was yesterday... as if it's singed into your memory... I wish my friend would treat me like crap sometimes, but because I know it hurts her to hurt me, it ironically just makes me feel worse. The pain is indescribable!

I will believe what you say that things will get better though. I thought I was so tough before... I just need to have hope things will get better.

 

Honestly, I don't think I've even had a crush on anybody. And, by judging from your avatar, it was defenitly her lost

 

Yeah I've tried just being her friend... tried so hard... but I just can't fight the fact I'm attracted to her anymore... I think it was right of you to distance yourself. Man sorry I turned this into such a sob fest dang LoL

 

some may say it's stupid and some may say it can't happen and its a reason i usually don't tell anyone but here goes nothing

from the time i had a crush on this girl Katie (December) to the time i met scarlett
(may) , i was questioning my sexuality and posting questions like crazy on yahoo answer and one day...i got an email and here's what went down

on May 13th , i laying in bed day dreaming and heard my phone buzz , and i picked it up and saw i got an email from this yahoo user named Vee and she was wondering if she could help me figure out my sexuality and i remember her exact words she typed

"what if you are bisexual? what are you going to do?" and i thought for a minute and i didn't know so i replied and we went back and forth for about an hour or so but mostly for 2 or 3 days we talked about school and life in general and then all the sudden , i forgot everything....it seemed like everything , the questioning , the panic , it all went away.....all she told me was to "go with the flow" , just like a million other people told me and somehow ,i just reacted.

she said her name violet and i will shorten up the story here....and a bunch of other stuff and i totally believed her , i don't know why but you day she said
"You need to trust me or i can't talk to you anymore" and for the first time , my dropped and i didn't want her to leave but i had trust issues....and i never trust anyone online....but i had decided....so i decided to trust her , give her all i had left and so from there began my journey , i started to think about her more and more and i stopped myself and said "you can't have feelings for someone online" but it only got stronger , i started to care about her feelings....like if she was scared , it'd make me want to be with her and hold her....and it got to the point where my friend after all the talks i have told her , Desiree told me ....something she has never said to me before...she said "your in love with her" and i said "no im not" and she said "yes" and i kept wondering how that could be but i realize i'd do anything for her , i'd get a job , save up and go see her , i'd lie for her.....and i also realized , every time i thought of her not in my life...it killed me....something that's never happened to me

i remember the date July 12th.....the day i asked her out ...i was so nervous....she had already confessed her 'feelings' to me and so i was so hesitant and she got my signals mixed up and thought that i didn't have feelings for her at all but eventually she got it and i asked her out. My heart was racing and My hands were shaking...but after i was done having my panic attack , i treated her like no other....i remember when she would tell me to wait and say this exact quote

and i just would love that ...she said it every night but we only lasted a week before one night....in July when we had an argument that morning about something and later that night i gave her an email , telling her how much i cared about her and she responded saying i needed to leave her alone and she said she'd hurt m which she apparently had already done.

my heart dropped...and all the sudden my eyes heated up and welled up with tears, i stopped breathing....i couldn't think....its like i was going crazy....i didn't know what or how...but i was in pain....my sister was calling me to come eat dinner and i quickly got it together or so i thought , i looked into the mirror and wiped my eyes and went down stares , i grabbed the hot dog and my sister said "have you been crying?" and i said "no" but she cornered me and finally i broke down , tear's were streaming down my eyes and my sister kept asking what was wrong and i didn't tell her , so she pushed me up stares and told me to get my act together and so i went on the bed and i was crying and crying....i was gripping the sheets for dear life , i was rolling on the bed in emotional and physical pain....it was killing me like no other day....and every time i realized she pushed me away , i couldn't bear it...i was gripping my chest , literally i was and i just fell sleep crying that night....

some time later she came back and started talking again

fast forward to august and later in the days , i had figured out she wasn't she said she was....she lied about her name. her name was NOT violet. Her real name was scarlett and i told her to confess and she finally did and said this in exact quote

so after that in November we skyped for the first time and she was real , she wasn't a pedophile. i double checked her name was scarlett and she was who she said said she was and we talked until December and i decided i wanted to try again with her ....so i told her my feelings but she kind of blew them off and i thought she was saying "i just want to be friend" and so i took at that but she kept mixing things up , she kept flirting with me , saying all these nice things and one night said

but she was drunk apparently which is probably true but when December came , i finally just told her everything all about how i felt and how she was being confusing and finally she told me it was all an act and that she hasn't moved on or anything so then i emailed her back and when she emailed me back , she said
"well i mean we just don't work and im not good enough for you" and i was like "you are good enough for me" and then finally after her saying all that i was like , i thought...i had theory , i wondered what she'd do if i told her fine we'll go our separate ways and find someone

and so finally i got really mad and felt she was pushing me and finally gave so i sent that email saying

"i want whats best for you ..i do , i know it seems like i don't since im complaining but i do...its just wish , i could have what I've always wanted...but i cant. it's fine though because everything happens for a reason.

you'll find someone better than me....there's always someone who's better than me ...i am not what you need. someone else is waiting for you...sorry , i was thinking of a quote but its true...somebody's waiting for me and someone's waiting for you.

we'll drift our separate ways soon and i'll be able to move on and so will you and everything will be the way its suppose to be.....not the way i want it to be but....the way life plans it to be"


and her finally email ended with this

"Everything happens for a reason? Where have I heard that before? Lol, kidding. Its true though, to me at least. I want whats best fro you too though. And I think everyone wishes everything could just go their way, but it doenst happen. Life is just a piece of shit isn't it.

There is someone waiting for you. And you are better than me. Please. Even if you don't believe it, I still think you are better, way too good for me. I'd never be good enough for you. But there will be someone for you, and maybe me.

If you need to move on, then so be it. Life has its own plans for you and it will be exactly how it should. Nobody wants it, but life is a bitch. Like me I guess."

i emailed back after that and another to correct something but she never emailed back and that's when i know....she was gone.

and right now im crying because i realize , that's all she wanted was to leave....and i just never let her until now , ever since she's left , I've been crying , i've been on edge , i've guilty...and just a bunch of emotions....i still care for her and if she needed me right now , i'd do whatever it takes to me there but she only exists in my memory and i remember every quote she's stated....her favorite songs , colour , what tatoo she wanted , her friends names , her voice and finally her face....she was so beautiful and will always remain that way. i know she'll look back and regret what she's done....i know she'll come back one day....and say sorry and possibly want to start over but i might be starting fresh with someone new but here's a picture of scarlett

http://emptyclosets.com/forum/members/24039-albums4189.html


sorry if this sounds stupid and whatever but that's my own experience.
Hope you enjoyed

- Meris

 

I have loved and lost...

By my junior year of high school, I was one of those kids everyone knew, but no one really wanted to talk to. I was, "the poor kid," as I didn't have a car, cell phone, designer clothes or brand name anything. Oh, and I ate the school's free lunch (but that's because it was free and for the most part tasty, so...). I was in my second year of my Television Production class; my partner from last year had graduated, and I was pretty much left to fend for myself on my video projects, which was difficult to manage. That's where it started. Two girls behind me kept poking fun about it, so I lightheartedly turned around and poked fun back. We talked for a bit of the class, and they offered to let me be the 'stunt double' for their projects. I agreed.

We came up with some amazing projects, and throughout the year, the three of us became the best of friends. But one of them, who was certainly out of my league, certainly stuck out. I think I came off as borderline annoying most of the time. I'd sit with her in the morning in the cafeteria, usually rambling on about nothing. She'd just sit there and look off into space then go see other people until class started.

She was a senior and I was a junior, so I thought it might have been a bad idea to ask her out for fear of rejection. But two days before her graduation, I went for it, and was surprised with the best response: a yes.

We dated for almost two years; she was the first person I had ever slept with, and after I graduated, we had even considered marriage.

But all it took was one massive fight to ruin things forever. We lost touch for months, then tried to rekindle our relationship after we moved into my apartment together. She, at that time, confessed that she was a lesbian. I was shocked, but felt OK enough to tell her I wasn't straight myself. She was very supportive about it, and our relationship continued to thrive. Due to financial problems (her in college, and me working 60 hours a week to make rent), we ended up moving back in with my parents, and things went downhill fast. My mother and her got into a huge argument, which resulted in her escaping my entire family...and me.

As it stands right now, we're still friends. We don't communicate like we used to. Her other female friend, the project partner, herself and I still hang out on occasion when we have the time, but all three of us understand the underlying history that existed.

So...I lost the love of my life. I still love her, but it would never be the same if anything would ever happen again. It would just be too weird.

So that's my story.

 

thank you. and thanks for reading

 

You're so understanding. (*hug*) Whoever wins and keeps your heart will be very lucky!

 

Thank you. For now I just need to focus on repairing my broken heart, but one day it will be ready to love again. People like us with a large capacity to love always find love again somewhere where it is needed.