I've seen a bunch of people with signatures, "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter." I don't know if it's just me, but that seems like an excellent way to justify doing anything you want. Isn't that something that a murderer or rapist might say? "Oh, I'm sure that person I killed/raped/mutilated minded, but that just means she doesn't matter so it's OK to kill/rape/mutilate him/her; also, all those people in the legal system mind, so they don't matter, so I guess my prison buddies and I are the only people that really matter and are cool." But I can see this attitude slipping into average people too. "Sure, I cut that guy off, but he doesn't matter." It just seems to me like a really selfish and dumb thing to say. Or am I off-base here? What do you think?
I think it's all about context... Applying a statement out of context is never a good idea, take the Bible for instance. A lot of judgemental hate and misinformation has been spewed because the context in which a verse stood was not taken into account. In this case the statement is used in context to describe people's attitudes toward homosexuality. Applying it to something else will backfire.
Brené Brown talks about this extensively in her new book. Basically, on the one hand, you don't want to live your life based on other people's opinions of you. So you should be your authentic self, and not be stuck being incredibly concerned about what other people will think. That's all about willingness to be vulnerable, and is crucial to being able to be open, creative, loving, and to live wholeheartedly. On the other hand, as you pointed out, if we misuse that statement, we can use it to justify assholeish behavior, and that's not what that sort of phrase or thinking is about. The way Brené puts it, we don't want to let others dictate how we live our life, but we also don't want to ignore the input of other people, particularly if we hear the same thing from a lot of people, because in doing so, we take the risk of losing out on important insights. So, as others have said, it's about context and being somewhere in the middle between being overly concerned about others opinoins of you, and, on the other side, being so aloof that we don't care at all. That said, in relationships, I do believe that being authentic is absolutely important and crucial to an honest relationship, so when it comes to relationships, someone who cares about shallow, insignificant stuff (or material stuff) is not someone who cares about a real, authentic relationship, and it's not worth pretending to be someone you're not, or trying to "fit in" in order to be with them. And someone who loves you for who you are... won't care about all the insignificant, shallow, materialistic stuff.
Agreed. It's all about context. You're also using things that a person can control vs things a person cannot control. I like mint chocolate chip ice cream. It's freaking awesome. But I never made a conscious decision that I would desire it. It just happens that way. Now, if one of my friends was like "HEY! You can't like mint chocolate chip! That's weird!" Then I would respond by giving them the finger and finishing my treat. Because screw you, i'm enjoying what I like. We can't help what we like. But as long as what we enjoy doesn't interfere with someone else doing what they like, then they really shouldn't care.
This is why l generally don't embrace catch-all, figures of speech, idioms, proverbs, or statements. They could be applied to so many different situations, too much room for interpretation. lt is something l agree with in general, but l'm just thinking of the statement in terms of my own experiences and applying it that way. But aside from that they're mostly annoying and make me think the person has nothing interesting to say lol.
Phrases like that should only be used about what's within the law and don't hurt anybody/ don't destroy anything. If those conditions are respected (in an ideal world they would always be respected!) then it gets all its meaning. Say, a good random example... I refuse to get my cat declawed. I find that the practice of declawing cats is rather cruel because they actually cut the "finger" bones, not just the claw. That and if the cat has to climb a tree to save their lives or to use their claws someday, it leaves them totally helpless. Those who mind? Some landlords I'll never rent a place from. They don't matter. Those who matter? All the people who don't mind me being protective of my cat
