being a lesbian is 'easier'

I am bothered by any comments that demean or make less the struggle of anyone. i have heard a million times it is far easier to be a lesbian than a gay man. In a sense this may be true. In another it is harder to be a lesbian because of our social structure of sharing everything. My goodness we love to talk and discuss and we hold little back to those we have a bond with. Now we are faced with keeping this a secret and we are traumatized.
We all hear stupid comments from people who have no idea what they are talking about and how much they hurt the friend who is LGBTQ and in the closet.
If I am somewhere and hear these things they ring bells in my head and set fires in the pit of my stomach. The comment in a restaurant. like, he looks a little light in the loafers :eek: and the others laugh. Or the one doesn't she look butch today she must be a dyke. :eek: They all laugh. Even the comment, Well you know how blacks are. :eek: They laugh again. I hate it and you do as well. Hugs sweetie it does get easier as the skin gets thicker. There will always be stupid people who make stupid comments that hurt like hell. (*hug*)

 

It bothers me because it seams......pathetic and rude, its not easy for us being lesbian or bi, we sometimes have to deal with prejudice from strait people and the dating scene isnt easy either

 

Did you tell them that? Maybe they don't know how you feel.. Be honest about that.

 

You can always share your opinion without coming out (if that's your worry). I myself don't mind about it as I don't take it serious but I agree that it's not any easier at all, being yourself is not easy.
When my friends joke about it, I joke along saying they aren't cool/brave enough to be bi or lesbian. What bothers me the most is when they say it's disgusting, I feel hurt but can't bring myself to protest.

 

All of the comments come from ignorance that some people are different.
I am a lesbian and have no idea what it is like to e straight. None zip zero. I never will. Even if I read 1000 books I will never understand a woman being attracted to a male in a romantic sense. I can't get there from here. I don't say stupid comments about straight people. But we are fair game.
It is hard to conquer ignorance because people do not take the time to learn even a little about us.

---------- Post added 26th Jan 2013 at 10:12 AM ----------

Maybe it is time to come out and say hey I am lesbian and you have no clue what it is like to be one of us. I would do that because I don't care anymore what people think. I am a lesbian and they have to find a way to deal with that. I don't announce it but I have not hid it for decades. Hugs sweetheart.

---------- Post added 26th Jan 2013 at 10:15 AM ----------

That is the height of stupidity and it does hurt. We are not disgusting in the least. What is the difference if my lips kiss my partners lips or if a man and woman kiss. There is no difference and how is that disgusting?

 

I know right. The worst is that they claim to accept homosexuality. For them it's fine when it comes to two men, but not when it comes to women. It's stupid and how can it be any different?! I hate this part of my friends but they are great in other ways for me. It kills me a bit :/

 

Though I am not yet out, it still bothers me when me and my friends end up discussing the LGBTQ community, and the thought of being a lesbian is easier than being straight or another sexuality is brought up. I already know the struggles some woman go through, such as hiding their sexuality, not being able to find someone else who may be attracted to them in the same way, and the sheer terror of people finding out about a closeted person's sexuality. And I don't think any sexuality is easier or harder to have, the same applying to race, religion, etc. So it does irk me more than I let on when such discussions of sexuality is brought up, but in the end I know that's it's just something that I will have to deal with now and in the future, even if I may not want to.

 

Two women attacks the sensibilities of some as we are supposed to be the mom.s there is this great protective shield around motherhood. It is very difficult when navigating with friends. They can be so wondrous and such idiots all at the same time. When Kinsey did the research the book on the women was attacked by everyone at the time. Oh My God you mean my mom had sex more than once. Oh My God there are homosexual women. There was a huge uproar. The world wants to believe that women don't enjoy sex. Part of the attitude is the puritanical base in the US. Oh well I guess we just aren't as angelic as the rest of the world wants to believe. Hugs sweetie.

---------- Post added 26th Jan 2013 at 01:46 PM ----------

Oh god yes hon. You said it. Trying to be stayed when your group of friends is attacking who you are unknowingly hurts like crazy. To attract other lesbians you have to wear a subtle rainbow necklace or bracelet. It will help you to be identified. If any of your friends asks you just tell them you support equal rights for LGBTQ people. You can attract the women you want and the friends are sated without knowing your truth. Hugs sweetie.

 

They say this all the time. And are mostly serious. "l should just go lesbian."

Not saying your friends want to be with other women. Straight women have what l think is a VERY fluid attraction pattern for the most part.

l don't buy that all women are bi because l don't believe that all women will enjoy sex with other women and l hear them talking about being attracted to some women, but finding vaginas "gross" etc.

l have a gaggle of straight female friends online and hear this line of thinking present in so much they talk about.

They mean they think there's less of an emotional and communication gap with two women. They don't think about it in terms of physical attraction. The ones who do love their husbands tend to communicate well with them and love their personality. But that's a huge basis for a relationship to them.

Some straight girls are the inverse of this and just don't communicate well with men. don't understand men and are taken advantage of by men for these reasons.

Then come out saying things like this, thinking if they switched to women it would be easier and they care more about the emotional aspect so they don't care a ton about not even being physically attracted to women.

They certainly do not understand that some of us may not even have this dynamic with most women so that this part isn't even easier for us. We might have this easier with men.

Also many talk about how they don't find their husbands attractive and don't really care. Or that they didn't at first but that his personality "made him" attractive.

Which is all well and good but they do not understand that other women can't become attracted to men when we like them and think they're great. They just don't.

The flipside of this is that they often think being lesbians means you DISLIKE men because again, they're thinking that if you have a bond with someone and really like their personality, it's going to become a relationship if you want it to to be.

They think that if we found what they had in some men, that would have been the "right'' guy when often we have found that kind of guy and we didn't want to make out with him -_-

They don't see that we can't "become" attracted to men for those reasons.

The few straight women l talk to who really have a sexuality more like ours and understand that sometimes there are concrete physical things that turn you on are refreshing, when they understand that we just don't find these things in boys lol.

The ones saying everything mentioned above believe on some level that lesbian sexuality is a choice.

 

I probably would've exploded at that moment and questioned them right then and there. "How? How is it easier?".

I'd love to put people like that in our shoes and realize the shit we go through as being part of the LGBTQ+ umbrella. I understand that it was a joke, and I've heard things similar to it, but it doesn't make it any less discriminating.

Nailed it.

 

That's what I call same sex homophobia

Examples: Straight girls who dote to no end over gay men ad go on "oooh i just love gay men" (yes, I have seen this at work), but those who then go and say lesbainism is desgusting are same sex homophobic

The same goes for guy's who love dirty movies featuring two girls, and fetishise girl/girl relationships to no end but cannot stand to think of even the though of to men kissing

It gets on my nerves, alll of it

 

I dont really get offended by this. In a way, it is easier! 2 girls in love is much more insynch than a boy and a girl. Another girl can relate to you more deeply on an emotional level amongst other things. But i do get what youre saying. But no it doesnt offend me

 

ITA. Sadly so much of this becomes evident online. From nice, normal straight women l hear these kind of things and they would never say it (to me) in real life.

You get to hear a whooole lot of what they really think roll out lol.

 

My close friends do that a lot suggesting that they are done with boys and now want to try dating a girl, cos every few months they break up with their boyfriends, and when they see me with my girlfriend of 2.5 years they think its easier being with a girl.

I tell them up straight up, dont date a girl, and they think of me as some contradictive homophobe? I say wtf to myself sometimes. The reason why this ticks me off, is because being with my girl is NOT easy and that gives me and every other gay and lesbian couples the need to fight for our relationship and stay together.

whereas my friends who a majority are all straight, give up with their boyfriends when they argue or fight, or if they cheat. So i suppose yes, i agree that it can be offending but only when straight girls think being with a woman is the easy way to date. Because that just shows they arent committed to who they are themselves.

if they are in love with a woman however, or they realise that they are gay then thats not a problem to me.

 

Oh yes. It's so much easier for a lesbian woman to find a date than a straight woman... :rolle:

 

Well, I'm not american and gratefully grew up with open-minded parents and even some friends (few ones). I can say my family is very open-minded towards sex, my whole sex education was my mom (and little bit of school), but my mom is really great when it comes to this, she always taught me that if I want to do, to think about it because I could regret and do always do it safely, but she never forbade me. I live in a place where same-sex marriage is legal and homophobia is a crime, but it still happens so I can't say it's the best place of the world, we still have a lot to grow.

Yeah, I have friends who think it's so great to have a gay friend because he'll shop with them, and be all girly, but really? That's so ridiculous I don't even have to say something. But it's awful and even hypocritical, --'
And the worst I've heard from one friend of mine (who claims to loooove gay men) was when a girl from her college came out to her (I don't even know the girl, but I bet it wasn't easy for her) and she pretends to be cool, but then when the girl is not around she goes all 'oh I don't like when she hugs me, it feels weird. What if she starts liking me?'
Bitch please, it's not because someone is attracted to girls, they're attracted to any girl. It's the same as saying she loves every men she knows --'

Ps- I'm a bit frustrated right now.

 

In the bold you say so much honey. Many straight people women and men believe we made the choice. The only choice we make is whether we act on our feelings. I act on mine. Heterosexuals do not understand what it is like to be LGBTQ and don't want to know in many cases. Hugs dear.

 

Yes, it's pretty frustrating sometmies. Especially when you think these people understand you...this is why l still try to have straight female friends but have found this with so many of the seemingly normal ones that l'm trying to build an LGBT base first lol.