Do flakey/vain gay guys in their 20's change with age?

I certainly hope so. It's not a cool way to live and you can't be in your twenties forever. Best not to get too attached.

 

I think that is just the complex of some attractive people as a whole. Humility seems to be a much more selective quality than a reasonable person would think.

The interesting part is that people who are outwardly assertive or their beauty, intelligence, or talent are often insecure of the fact that they feel that they lack any other redeeming quality. I usually find that people who are more versatile in the things that they do and the passions that they pursue tend to be much more modest about their ability or accomplishment.

Some may change, but for many of them it will must likely continue until their appearance or talents fade, or cease to be recognized anymore. Much like a popular, 'social butterfly', who neglects their academics and drive in life.

 

Probably not...... Untill they become not so good looking they will always be like that. But they are probably the most insecure people you can meet I used to and still do sometimes put people beneath me and I'm so insecure it's not funny..... They, we need to realize that once your looks are gone if looks are what get you by you will then have nothing

 

those are the types you dont want to be caught dead with anyways

 

Quoted for truth. Even if they do not change, are you really missing out on anything? Those kinds of people who demean others are toxic.

There are plenty of beautiful people out there inside and out. Those are the real winners. Vanity only gets you so far in life and in no way can that be a positive influence. Some people are just more mature than others and I believe one day they will grow up, eventually or they are in for a surprise when reality hits and they get no where for being rotten.

 

Some do. Others...never do until they finally get ugly. After all you know what they say, or at least what many people tell me: The ones who were "hot" in high school and early 20s eventually grow ugly and unwanted. It's the ones who were just "cute" who wind up developing into really attractive people because they just needed the time to grow into their bodies. Whereas the others who were already hot had reached their peak

 

Do people really get it, though? Like, some of the people commenting fit into the "gifted in appearances" department.

But my point, is that appearances and vanity are all different aspects of our lives. We all do something in that field. We all like pretty people or we all like to be thought of us attractive.

But it doesn't mean we are bad. I think we are just normal.

And vanity can also be a defense mechanism. I tend to get really huffy in public because its easy to hide beind.

 

I agree a lot with what you are saying. Vanity and appearances are different. I think feeling attractive can come from physical appearance (innately) and then from personality (later). Obviously personality is harder to have a judgement on immediately as it takes time to get to know someone. I think caring about your outward appearance is really important-it helps project who we are at a first impression level. But acting vain about yourself is an exclusive trait. Vanity does not stem from taking care of yourself but really the intention that you view yourself better than the rest.

 

I agree, too. We can get beauty from many different aspects of our lives.
But let's take EC for example. I've seen people with 1000 posts and about 6 friends. I've seen people with 50 posts, and a whole lot of friends. Appearances play a bigger part than we are giving them. There's something about it. We are drawn to pretty people. So how do we work around that?
I really hate vain people.
But I dress superbly. I wouldn't be caught dead in something grubby if I knew I would see somebody I knew. (Besides me family. They see me in the worst.) So, technically, I probably am really vain. Because deep down, I don't care as much as I look like I do. do it, in part, because I want people to be impressed and see a strong front - when, in reality, I'm not all of that.

My rant, haha, is to point out that there's so many facets to this conversation. Maybe I'm the only one who sees this, but hopefully I'm not.

 

You are definitely not alone in this. I do the same thing. Dress to impress right? No one desires to look their worst. We all desire to be our best, at whatever we are doing-including looking our best. You are not vain by any means just cause you want to present yourself in the best possible way. Vanity is really an attitude problem. Once you refuse to interact with someone based on their appearance alone because you judge yourself superior to them is where vanity begins. Wanting to impress others is WAY different than dressing to indicate your superiority to them. Its almost the opposite in a way.

I'm not sure if that makes sense. What I'm trying to say is vanity is an attitude that anyone can have-it is mutually exclusive from how you dress.

 

I think appearance can be more complicated than that haha... like some people are not going to wear rags or shirts that don't fit their frame, but it doens't mean they would wear trendy fashion clothes either. Put it this way, there's "looking your best" and "looking kind of your best". the latter is close to the best, but not your most effort, but you're not too ugly either. haha. ("looking good but not best" also works here)

and acobi talks about presentation. Some people may look their best while doing their work, but looking minimally good for the job can pass too. And plus, speaking of presentation, you can get whole another thing like "saving face", "appearance appeal", and other things that might not be related to sex. it could be job, rivalry, politics, etc.

 

what gives anyone the right to think they are better than the next person .

 

Well, I'll admit. I'm not ugly at all. I spend my share of time catering to my appearance, and it does show.

But I believe that there is a strong difference. I love my appearance, I have gotten compliments on it, but it has never caused my to reflect that on others to make them feel inadequate, nor does it make me think of myself as 'special' because of it. To this day anytime someone finds me attractive or compliments me, it just makes my day. ^-^

There is a difference between, being attractive, caring about your appearance, and loving yourself and thinking that because of these things that suddenly makes you an elite amoung peasants. I have no tolerance for that. I have no tolerance for attractive people who people who shove it in people faces. So I get what you are saying, there is a definite difference. But I dont think anyone was insinuating that all attractive people are this way, rather the ones that are, they are annoyed with.

 

I noticed that too. I just chalk it up to being young and vain.

 

I think this is a significant point.

I like to dress well, and am somewhat of a snob for clothing. However, I'm not the type of person to refuse talking to someone because they dress poorly. I was with a friend yesterday and his outfit was all over the place. He was wearing khakis with black shoes and a blue belt. He was breaking several fashion rules, but I didn't dump him on the street and tell him I didn't want to hang out with him. LOL He probably thought he looked great so I didn't comment. I don't want to make others feel bad.

I am vain for some things. I really can't deal with lazy people. I look down at them to be honest.

Back to the main topic... I haven't reached my twenties yet, but even in high school I've met people like that. I rarely associate myself with them. These people are also incredibly insecure about their personalities. They same to face the complete opposite I face lol: I love my personality, but am not too fond with how I look. Luckily, I've found people who will take me for who I am.

 

I hear and see a lot of people talking about this, and I just don't see it out there in the real world. Yes, there are vain, horrible, trendy, shallow gay men. However, there are vain, horrible, trendy, shallow people of every sexual orientation and gender identity. I will admit, most of the gay men I know are more stylish or at least aware of how they look than the average person, but most of them are not jerks about it.

Some vain mean people change as they get older and become more secure in themselves and no longer need to be jerks to feel like they are worth something. Some remain vain mean people for all of their lives, whether they are gay men or not.

 

I recently had a pretty bad experience with a 26-year-old. I'm not sure if it gets better or not. But I've decided I'll just go ahead and beat them at their game.

 

Personally, being a semi-optimist, I think everyone has the potential for growth and change. But that being said, anyone you come across that is obviously vain or flaky is probably someone you'll avoid to begin with unless you get a sense there's more to them.

Apart from that, I think it's just best to try and focus on meeting men, assuming we're strictly talking potential romantic interest rather than socialising, who appeal to us and are welcoming personalities.