Calpernia's "Bad Questions to aska Transsexual" - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

divadarya · 4th Mar 2008, 07:26 PM

Calpernia Addams tells us "Bad Questions to Never Ask a Transsexual"
Calpernia is a gorgeous Transsexual woman who actually is a friend of mine. She's a sweet southern girl whose story the film "Soldier's Girl" was based on. She really brings it on this one, expressing the anger in the face of stupidity she's personally experienced and lots of us have felt to one degree or another. She scolds some gay guys in here, but any LGBT person can relate to her frustration at a greater culture that seems to dumb to get us....
enjoy

Darya

Micah · 4th Mar 2008, 10:51 PM

While I think she has some good points (specifically with the question "What is your 'real' name), I completely disagree with her attitude.

She said "I'm not here to educate you" - but if we don't educate people, how will they ever learn? Transsexualism (and to a much lesser degree - homosexuality) are issues that are usually swept under the rug and kept secret or taboo. You can't blame someone for being ignorant about them!

When someone actually has the courage to ask a question like that, a lot of the time they are simply trying to understand your sexuality, and in the case of transsexualism - what sort of ordeal the person went through ("did your surgery hurt?")

I've been asked a large number of questions about my sexuality that some people might find inappropriate, such as;
"When did you first have sex with a guy?"
"Have you ever masturbated about a girl?"
"Have you ever been depressed because you're gay?"

But when someone asks you a question like that, you really have two choices. You can answer the question and further their understanding on how your sexuality/gender "works", or you can simply say that you don't feel comfortable answering that sort of question.

Miaplacidus · 5th Mar 2008, 01:29 AM

I've been asked more inappropriate questions, such as, "When you first had sex with a guy, were you the bottom?"...

divadarya · 5th Mar 2008, 01:40 AM

Micah..
Your point is well taken too,and I respect it...Some Trans people, like me, are compulsively educational(you guys may have noticed!).

I often hear the old "aren't you really copping out on being gay?" one a lot. Ya gotta admit the "cut off your d..k" one may be ignorant, but pretty damn rude, too.

Calpernia has been instrumental in raising the profile of the Trans community along with her business partner Andrea James. They run deepstealth.com and were the force in creating the first ever trans "Vagina Monologues".

I think a lot of us just laughed out loud at this sweet and friendly girl we know coming out and saying what so many of us have felt in our own fear, frustration and loneliness. Real comedy has elements of hostility; look at how many great comics came from oppressed minorities. When I hear gay people being bashed or made fun of by ignorant people I often wonder if they would get the point better if we had more comics that fired back on our behalf....I often wonder what homophobia REALLY is;is it the fear that if a gay person asks to have sex with you enough times you might succumb to it? Thats FUNNY...

It's almost 2 am here..am I making ANY sense?

Psychedelic Bookmarks · 5th Mar 2008, 09:38 AM

I watched all of it and loved it. She's very pretty and makes some good points =]

pirateninja · 5th Mar 2008, 10:24 AM

Hah, I loved it.

I think what she's trying to get through is that although maybe sometimes people need to be educated on what we don't understand, some questions are offensive and unnecessary, and people should think "Is it really that important to know exactly that?" before asking something.

5th Mar 2008, 11:06 AM

I thought that was great

Alexander · 5th Mar 2008, 12:07 PM

I liked the message of the video, but she was sorta mean/brusque/overgeneralizing about some things.

Beebo · 5th Mar 2008, 12:46 PM

LOL, I can understand how she feels, especially with the "I know this gay guy in toronto, do you know him???" I've heard that way too many times lol.

I think its meant to be funny, not to keep people from learning about it. And honestly, I think its pretty funny.

divadarya · 5th Mar 2008, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by applovr

I liked the message of the video, but she was sorta mean/brusque/overgeneralizing about some things.

What makes it funny is that she's not like that at all....listen to that little-girly voice of hers....

4th Mar 2008, 07:26 PM	#1
divadarya Warrior Princess Full Member Gender: MTF Transsexual Orientation: Trans/heteroish(I like men) Out Status: Some people Location: Native Los Angeleno, California Age: 60 Posts: 321 Join Date: Jan 2008	Calpernia's "Bad Questions to aska Transsexual" Calpernia Addams tells us "Bad Questions to Never Ask a Transsexual" Calpernia is a gorgeous Transsexual woman who actually is a friend of mine. She's a sweet southern girl whose story the film "Soldier's Girl" was based on. She really brings it on this one, expressing the anger in the face of stupidity she's personally experienced and lots of us have felt to one degree or another. She scolds some gay guys in here, but any LGBT person can relate to her frustration at a greater culture that seems to dumb to get us.... enjoy Darya __________________ "I was as pure as the driven snow, but I drifted...." Mae West I am more than my Gender, or the clothes that I wear....

4th Mar 2008, 10:51 PM	#2
Micah ^_^ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to All Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 23 Posts: 2,532 Join Date: Feb 2005	Re: Calpernia's "Bad Questions to aska Transsexual" While I think she has some good points (specifically with the question "What is your 'real' name), I completely disagree with her attitude. She said "I'm not here to educate you" - but if we don't educate people, how will they ever learn? Transsexualism (and to a much lesser degree - homosexuality) are issues that are usually swept under the rug and kept secret or taboo. You can't blame someone for being ignorant about them! When someone actually has the courage to ask a question like that, a lot of the time they are simply trying to understand your sexuality, and in the case of transsexualism - what sort of ordeal the person went through ("did your surgery hurt?") I've been asked a large number of questions about my sexuality that some people might find inappropriate, such as; "When did you first have sex with a guy?" "Have you ever masturbated about a girl?" "Have you ever been depressed because you're gay?" But when someone asks you a question like that, you really have two choices. You can answer the question and further their understanding on how your sexuality/gender "works", or you can simply say that you don't feel comfortable answering that sort of question. __________________ 　／l、（ﾟ､｡７　l、 ~ヽ　じしf_, )ノ

5th Mar 2008, 01:29 AM	#3
Miaplacidus Cheshire Cat Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gayer than not Out Status: Everyone who asks Location: Atlantida, Uruguay Age: 22 Posts: 5,093 Join Date: Feb 2007	Re: Calpernia's "Bad Questions to aska Transsexual" I've been asked more inappropriate questions, such as, "When you first had sex with a guy, were you the bottom?"... __________________ We are all mad here.

5th Mar 2008, 01:40 AM	#4
divadarya Warrior Princess Full Member Gender: MTF Transsexual Orientation: Trans/heteroish(I like men) Out Status: Some people Location: Native Los Angeleno, California Age: 60 Posts: 321 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Calpernia's "Bad Questions to aska Transsexual" Micah.. Your point is well taken too,and I respect it...Some Trans people, like me, are compulsively educational(you guys may have noticed!). I often hear the old "aren't you really copping out on being gay?" one a lot. Ya gotta admit the "cut off your d..k" one may be ignorant, but pretty damn rude, too. Calpernia has been instrumental in raising the profile of the Trans community along with her business partner Andrea James. They run deepstealth.com and were the force in creating the first ever trans "Vagina Monologues". I think a lot of us just laughed out loud at this sweet and friendly girl we know coming out and saying what so many of us have felt in our own fear, frustration and loneliness. Real comedy has elements of hostility; look at how many great comics came from oppressed minorities. When I hear gay people being bashed or made fun of by ignorant people I often wonder if they would get the point better if we had more comics that fired back on our behalf....I often wonder what homophobia REALLY is;is it the fear that if a gay person asks to have sex with you enough times you might succumb to it? Thats FUNNY... It's almost 2 am here..am I making ANY sense? __________________ "I was as pure as the driven snow, but I drifted...." Mae West I am more than my Gender, or the clothes that I wear.... Last edited by divadarya; 5th Mar 2008 at 01:44 AM.. Reason: I don't know when to shut up....

5th Mar 2008, 09:38 AM	#5
Psychedelic Bookmarks Helena Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Close family and quite a few friends Location: UK Age: 18 Posts: 2,195 Join Date: Oct 2007	Re: Calpernia's "Bad Questions to aska Transsexual" I watched all of it and loved it. She's very pretty and makes some good points =] __________________ "I refuse to recognize the terms hetero-, bi-, and homo-sexual. Everybody has exactly the same sexual needs. People are just sexual, the prefix is immaterial." (Morissey)

5th Mar 2008, 10:24 AM	#6
pirateninja EC's Sailor Uranus Full Member Gender: Biologically Female Orientation: Heterosexually Challenged Out Status: Most people Location: Bath, England Age: 21 Posts: 5,853 Join Date: Sep 2007	Re: Calpernia's "Bad Questions to aska Transsexual" Hah, I loved it. I think what she's trying to get through is that although maybe sometimes people need to be educated on what we don't understand, some questions are offensive and unnecessary, and people should think "Is it really that important to know exactly that?" before asking something. __________________ Holly the Pirateninja Ars Longa, Vita Brevis.

5th Mar 2008, 11:06 AM	#7
Ty Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Calpernia's "Bad Questions to aska Transsexual" I thought that was great

5th Mar 2008, 12:07 PM	#8
Alexander EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Red Hook NY Age: 19 Posts: 2,736 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Calpernia's "Bad Questions to aska Transsexual" I liked the message of the video, but she was sorta mean/brusque/overgeneralizing about some things.

5th Mar 2008, 12:46 PM	#9
Beebo the cat what has facial hair. Full Member Gender: MAN Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Toronto Age: 23 Posts: 893 Join Date: Feb 2008	Re: Calpernia's "Bad Questions to aska Transsexual" LOL, I can understand how she feels, especially with the "I know this gay guy in toronto, do you know him???" I've heard that way too many times lol. I think its meant to be funny, not to keep people from learning about it. And honestly, I think its pretty funny. __________________ New Song up. a rough version of "The Ghost of Adam".(I will be adding more.)