Well parts of it. I have weird dreams sometimes, very vivid, sometimes so unrealistic, yet I believe they're real in my head, no matter how wild and far-fetched. Forget 95% of them. But sometimes I remember snatches, but I thought I should post this. I can't remember how it starts, but I think reading a thread in the Anonymous section about a teenager badly wanting to be hugged and consoled by someone, somehow influenced the whole thing. I also watched 'Precious' (2009) a few hours before. And that probably triggered things. Anyway so I'm certain this occurs in my last year at high school, so probably 18 years old there because the people I see there are the ones I knew from college, but I remember that something near the end looked like the Uni I'm in now, with the same people concerned. To sum it up, somehow, can't remember why, I realize that there is this quiet kid in the college/uni/whatever who doesn't speak much and isn't noticed by the rest, or gets bullied a lot. Anyway I somehow, realize that (obviously reading the EC thread a few hours before or so, but in the dream, I just know) he badly wants someone to hug him, so that all his woes will lessen. A brief summary about the kid: He's sixteen, a junior, friendless, possible closeted gay, living in a very abusive household, I think he had a cute but pale face as well, but he doesn't match anyone I know from RL or from anywhere else. So at one point, I meet him at night inside a classroom (we have to leave the premises at 7PM sharp in RL though, you don't stay over or anything) since I just know what I have to do and I hug him, without so much as saying hello. I might have had dirty thoughts about him in the dream, but if I did, they weren't as prominent as they would have been in a real situation. So me and this kid started meeting up late at night in corridors at the college and talk. I remember that when I first hugged him he was overwhelmed and I later found out that his parents beat him a lot and left him in a high state of neglect. We shared stories, but I never told him I was gay at the time. He was just a boy, a troubled boy who was just looking for pretty much anyone to comfort him, and needing a lot of comfort myself I was willing to oblige. I tell him about my own situation at home, which centers mostly on emotional domestic abuse (by the way, it's not so bad anymore, things are improving a lot) and then one day, I tell my friend that I have something really urgent to tell him and beg him not to tell anyone, just before a class. And I tell him. I remember the stunned look on his face and the cruel smile, but I can't remember what he said, but I think it was 'ok'. When I leave I feel like I've done a huge mistake... and then I find myself realizing the school knows... everyone pointing fingers, looking disgusted. Then something weird happens, I spiral and behold: I am completely naked in a cage in a zoo. A zoo-keeper tending me, with a whip is telling the on-lookers, ''Look! This is a faggot! What shall we do with it?'' and whips me across the face, then I recognize the face of the boy who gave it away... even though I'm sure he had an adult's body way too big for him. I recall a purple long coat and top hat though. I can't remember what the crowd was screaming, but they were looking at me with hate. Then I find myself at the Uni, and my college friends confront me in an alleyway, and I recognize one of my best friends in there. That other boy is also there, since he gave my secret away he is the popular kid now, and he still has the cruel smirk. They start saying stuff like ''wtf you're seriously gay dude''? And then I see them approaching menacingly but at the same time wary, because I was bigger than they were, but I didn't forgot their eyes. They were full of hate. I can't remember anything after that, but in a real life fight, even if it was like in the dream 6 vs 1 (assuming the boy, being a coward, keeps out of it) I would have packed quite a punch. And I do remember an iron pipe at my feet. But anyway can't remember after that, other than disjointed flashes of faces. ---- Is this an indication that my male friends are going to react badly when they find out? I told one male friend of mine, but he's gay himself, so he isn't going to judge me for this. Hell I actually love him, and can't stop thinking of him in very perverted ways, but anyway... I'm just scared that the dream, which really did happen in my head might just be a premonition. After all I have few friends. And when I came out on an online gaming forum I sometimes played, EVERY SINGLE member that knew me, and a hell of a lot who didn't, told me that: 1.) I am a BAD person (with caps included) 2.) I am a disgusting creature 3.) I had to kill myself literally (going as far as to sent me private messages like that) 3b.) I should be lined up with all the other gays and have my throat cut 4.) My mother should have aborted me 5.) There is a reason that gays don't reproduce 6.) Ugh.. fuck it. You know what I mean, I could go on forever... I mean I thought they liked me. What about my RL friends or people who know me? What if they turn against me? And that boy I dreamt about, he's just a manifestation of a person I will end up trusting and who will take advantage of my secret and tell everyone, I just think that I might be cracking up at last. :tears:
Sounds to me like the boy in your dream is the embodiment of your biggest fear. I don't think this is a premonition at all
Well suppose I do lose what few friends I have? Should I just not tell them? And I'm already not easy to like, all I need is to give them leverage to hate me.
"I'm just scared that the dream, which really did happen in my head might just be a premonition. After all I have few friends. And when I came out on an online gaming forum I sometimes played, EVERY SINGLE member that knew me, and a hell of a lot who didn't, told me that: 1.) I am a BAD person (with caps included) 2.) I am a disgusting creature 3.) I had to kill myself literally (going as far as to sent me private messages like that) 3b.) I should be lined up with all the other gays and have my throat cut 4.) My mother should have aborted me 5.) There is a reason that gays don't reproduce 6.) Ugh.. fuck it. You know what I mean, I could go on forever... I mean I thought they liked me." Yeah it can be pretty messed up, what people express through the internet, that they wouldn't they in real life. But they're usually people who have a low self esteem, or who are full of hate towards society or loves "Trolling". If your "Friends" won't accept you, when you come out, then they're not worth it. You shouldn't care what people think of you, its your life not theirs.
That sounds like an incredibly powerful and scary dream. I want to give you a hug after that. I do like what was mentioned in a post above mine — that this dream could be a manifestation of your biggest fear. If your biggest fear is coming out of the closet due to the distrust of someone you've befriended, then it could happen. However, if that scenario did unfold before your eyes, YOU have the power to change its outcome, not them. They can spit fire, lash out hateful comments and consider you a horrible person. When you take a step back and look at the entire situation from an outside perspective, do you believe those are the kind of friends you want? Do you believe there aren't other people who wouldn't accept you for who you were? Like I said, YOU have the power to change whatever outcome happens. I am a believer that dreams can be portals to a future fate, as I've experienced it numerous times in my life. However, in my dream, the ending is portrayed differently. I have the power to control my reality and provide a different ending. Does that make any sense? I know, I'm probably not being very coherent, but that's how I feel. To make a long story short: if your friends don't accept you for who you are, you're in the wrong circle of trust and friendship. Your dreams can be very powerful tools, and you can wield them to your advantage. You shouldn't give up your trust in others for fear of their betrayal. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can talk to me. I may only be a forum poster, possibly thousands of miles away, but I, like everyone here, will not judge, ridicule or hate you for who you are. You have friends who you can trust on this forum, and I wholeheartedly believe that in your life's passages, you will gain friends who will cherish and love you for who you are.
I live in a place where gays are strongly looked down upon by society. My own family can be said to be part of that stigma, but basically, if I am out'ed like that, a lot of people who are going to find out are people who have always held a grudge against me as well. And if people who I thought were my friends turn on me as well, I'd feel so betrayed.
