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virgin with questions about gay life / sex

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by bwmelbs, Feb 4, 2013.

  1. bwmelbs

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    i'm a virgin. would classify as straight but find masculinity attractive so somehow doubt that's gay but i like to look good, work out keep fit and healthy and appreciate other males that do the same.

    to know what the gay thing is all about i have some questions. i've never kissed a guy, held hands, touched or done any other intimate thing with another male. can anyone give me a rundown on their experiences - good and bad - and what makes it what it is? why the appeal and why the decision to go gay? more importantly, why the decision to keep living that way? you can bring up "born this way" statements but there's still a decision to act out gay and pursue other males for romance / sex etc. like i've made decisions up until now not to.

    by the way, no need to get angry or defensive, i'm not having a go at anyone, just curious, sometimes tempted by homosexual fantasies but not so willing to pursue male intimacy. i still value my virginity. but by asking these questions i don't want to encourage homosexuality because i think it has some danger in it and i want to know the truth before i make a decision.
    _____
    what do most gay men want from life? from sex? from another male?

    do gay guys have conflicts with their partners? since they both want the same thing in sex? may even have similar habits, traits, mannerisms? does a male-male relationship seem a little out of balance?

    are men smelly and dirty to get intimate with?

    is there such a thing as male intimacy that involves just cuddling and touching without getting off or penetration?

    is gay life all about gay sex? so if there was no such thing as gay sex would a gay relationship / gay marriage matter? wouldn't it just be a friendship?

    what are the chances of coming across predators, aggressive and brutal gay men?

    how can you keep yourself out of HIV's way? ie. how does "trust" work within the gay community?

    are most gay encounters one night stands / flings / or just brief in general?

    what is it like in the heat of the moment with another male? isn't it competitive, aggressive and hurtful?

    i find it hard to think of gay sex (sodomy/anal sex) as loving because ultimately even if the bottom walks away fine after day one, doesn't it lead to potential health problems? it doesn't seem like love to play a part in someone's hurt no matter how small.eg. anal fissures, gonorrhea, hepatitis,

    are all gay men loose and sleep with heaps of people?

    what health issues do gay men encounter the most?

    is anal really that pleasurable for the bottom?

    do gay men often do risky things in sex?

    sex with a female you love i imagine to be tender, sweet, passionate and feel somewhat eternal, unbreakable - and the bond between male / female makes me think and feel it can last a long time. a male/male union seems fleeting. driven by moods, hormones, lust and while temporarily satisfying, there just seems like something that doesn't really hold the two in loving tender concern for each other - like what's doing the attraction? an erection? a thought? a hormone? care and interest in that person? what they do? how they think? how they feel? it's different don't you think? like i don't think between all the male fantasies that have come into my brain that i could really care what another guy thinks, feels, needs, wants day after day, for the rest of my life. do you? do gay people want that? or just to satisfy sexual need? because it's that peaceful, calm, deep gentle intimacy that i find hard to acknowledge or see in gay relationships.

    i'm interested to hear any comments. thanks.
     
  2. Hard Candy

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    I do not know much about your questions because I am not gay, still trying to figure it out, and I havent done anything "gay." I do however wanna comment on your first paragraph, because I kinda relate. I have seen that many many guys who are so vain eventually find themselves questioning their sexuality. I guess they fall in love with themselves, they fall in love with masculinity in general. And as they become attracted to them, their straight orientation changes. Just something I noticed.
     
  3. 461 467

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    I have received a lot of these questions from ignorant straight people, but these are valid questions for people that are simply curious. Most of these questions have no definitive answer; it all comes down to individual people and their preference. For example, anal sex is wildly pleasurable to some people, but a complete turn off to others. Some gay men do indeed just want to sleep around and have sex with as many people as they can, as often as possible, while others desire loving, monogamous relationships. I don't have time to go down the list at the moment, but if no one else wants to take a stab at it, I'll go into detail later.
     
  4. Owen

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    You could make a similar argument that not putting your hand on a hot stove is a decision. You could decide to put your hand on that burner, but it's going to hurt, so it's not really a decision the way, "Where will I go for coffee today?" is a decision. Similarly, you could say it's a "decision" for a gay person to pursue the gay lifestyle, but when pursuing a straight lifestyle would be so much less fulfilling and just a lie to themselves, what reasonable person would you expect to make that decision?

    Careful. You can't control whether people get angry or defensive when they read what you write. You can control how you write what you post what you post and try to minimize the chance of it making people angry or defensive.


    As for your questions, most, if not all of them, can be answered with a simple statement: gay people are just people. On the whole, we want the same things out of relationships and life that straight people do; we just want it with a partner of the same sex, rather than the opposite sex, because that's whom we're drawn to. Different gay people want different things out of life, love, and sex, just as different straight people want different things out of life, love, and sex.

    And one last thing: just because you can't imagine something doesn't mean it's impossible, and just because you imagine something being one way doesn't mean that's everyone's reality.
     
  5. Minx

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    My cold medicine is kicking in, so I'll do my best to comment on a few things that I have enough experience to address. :slight_smile:

    Yes. I'm abstinent and have no real interest in sexual intimacy.

    Cuddling, kissing, and affection are what I strive to find. :3 So, it's a bit difficult to date lol.

    Nope, I'm pretty much a loner and very restrictive of who I allow to be close to me physically, emotionally, mentally.

    I've never encountered this before, perhaps if one gets intimate after a vigorous workout at the gym. :grin:

    Pretty slim, but there's always a few crazies, and a few who don't like hear no as an answer.

    It can be passionate, sensual, playful, freeing when there's no judgment.

    I hope this helped to answer some of your questions. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Oregontinker

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    I have lived as a straight man and a gay man and for me the relationships can be exactly the same. I have been in long term gay relationships that had the same pleasures and problems that a straight relationship. There are lots of women and men that are into quickie sexual relationships but that has never been what I am looking for so I have never done that. I need to have a connection before I can have sex with someone.

    If you are going to have sex, practice safe sex until you are into a committed long term relationship regardless of the sex of your partner. I know men that have had anal sex for many years and they have no issues. Your anus is a muscle and if you take care of it it takes care of you.

    While loving and having sex with men and women is different there are more things that are the same.

    Good luck with your quest and if you choose to have a relationship with a guy get to know him first, it will make a world of difference.

    Feel free to ask any other questions on my wall.
     
  7. Lance

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    Oh my goodness, there is a lot of blind and curious ignorance in your post. It seems to mostly center around sex, which many people seem to think is all gay people do/want. I would say for most gay relationships, that(sex) is only a small part of it just like for straight couples. We aren't sex crazed maniacs. Sure there are some, but you can say that for any orientation. Look at how acceptable it is for straight men to sleep around. They almost get praised for how many girls they bang. There are many of us that desire a long term, committed, and loving relationship. 2 guys or 2 girls can have whatever a heterosexual couple can have in a relationship. The only difference is we have the same sex organs.
     
  8. Ridiculous

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    what do most gay men want from life? from sex? from another male?
    The same as any straight person wants. There are straight people who just want sex, and there are gay people who just want sex; there are gay people who want a long term monogamous relationship just like there are straight people who want a long term monogamous relationship. The only difference between the two is the gender of the people they are partnering with.

    do gay guys have conflicts with their partners? since they both want the same thing in sex? may even have similar habits, traits, mannerisms?
    As above, these concerns aren't unique to same-sex relationships - they come up in straight relationships as well. Sometimes you have issues and sometimes you don't: it depends on the other person's personality, not their gender.

    does a male-male relationship seem a little out of balance?
    I know where you are coming from with this question, but it generally is not an issue. Someone being a male doesn't mean they automatically have certain personality traits which will conflict if their partner also has that personality trait.

    are men smelly and dirty to get intimate with?
    As above, not a concern unique to same-sex relationships. Straight relationships have men in them as well.
    If you are talking about anal sex, then no, it is perfectly clean if you are doing it properly.

    is there such a thing as male intimacy that involves just cuddling and touching without getting off or penetration?
    Yes, why wouldn't there be?

    is gay life all about gay sex? so if there was no such thing as gay sex would a gay relationship / gay marriage matter? wouldn't it just be a friendship?
    For some people it is, but again for some straight people it's just about sex as well. However for most gay people (just as for most straight people) companionship is a large part of their relationships. Most gay people are both homosexual and homoromantic, meaning they want both a sexual and a romantic relationship with a same-sex partner. The romantic desire entails everything it does in a straight relationship.

    what are the chances of coming across predators, aggressive and brutal gay men?
    I can't give any insight into this but I'm pretty confident in saying it's probably not as bad as people seem to think it is, provided you aren't looking in seedy places.

    how can you keep yourself out of HIV's way? ie. how does "trust" work within the gay community?
    Wear a condom, use lube, don't have sex with random people you've just met. The risk is essentially 0 if you do these things properly.

    are most gay encounters one night stands / flings / or just brief in general?
    It depends on where you're looking. Some locations/services/sites cater towards hookups while others cater to longer term relationships. Usually people who complain that gay guys just want sex are looking in the wrong place.

    what is it like in the heat of the moment with another male? isn't it competitive, aggressive and hurtful?
    Once again this question isn't exclusive to gay couples - whether you're aggressive or 'soft' during sex is based on your personality, not your sex.
    Anal sex doesn't hurt if you're doing it properly.

    i find it hard to think of gay sex (sodomy/anal sex) as loving because ultimately even if the bottom walks away fine after day one, doesn't it lead to potential health problems? it doesn't seem like love to play a part in someone's hurt no matter how small.eg. anal fissures, gonorrhea, hepatitis,
    It doesn't hurt if you are doing it properly.
    Taking someone's penis doesn't cause problems in the longterm - most people do craps every day that are a fair bit bigger than an average sized penis and have no problems.
    Straight people have anal sex (more straight people have anal sex than gay people, because there are more straight people)
    Gonorrhoea, hepatitis and so on can be transmitted through sex acts other than anal sex. You won't catch them if you are taking the precautions mentioned above.

    are all gay men loose and sleep with heaps of people?
    Repeat question!

    what health issues do gay men encounter the most?
    Depression

    is anal really that pleasurable for the bottom?
    Yes, it feels great if you're doing it properly

    do gay men often do risky things in sex?
    Yes, unfortunately. Usually not wearing a condom and sleeping with people they don't know (although straight people do this too)

    sex with a female you love i imagine to be tender, sweet, passionate and feel somewhat eternal, unbreakable - and the bond between male / female makes me think and feel it can last a long time. a male/male union seems fleeting. driven by moods, hormones, lust and while temporarily satisfying, there just seems like something that doesn't really hold the two in loving tender concern for each other...
    This is based on your preconceptions, not reality. You've seen plenty of examples of sweet and tender female/male relationships in your life, in movies, in person, on TV and so on. On the other hand you can probably count on one hand how many male/male relationships you've see, and generally they aren't portrayed as desirable because we've been being oppressed for the last few hundred years and are always shown in a negative light.
    Literally the only thing different between a gay and a straight relationship is that a gay relationship has two males or two females in it. Everything else depends on the individual's personalty.

    (Apologies for not being more inclusive towards trans, bi, and polyamorous people in this post! I tried to keep phrases pretty neutral but it makes it difficult to give clear comparisons between the relationships.)
     
  9. Iamthewalrus

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    Many of your questions are asking about what the majority of gay men do, however I can only speak from my experience so take from this what you will:

    Why did I 'go gay'? Because I tried and tried and tried to force an attraction to women and it didn't happen. When I was 15 I basically had a girl offer me sex, objectively speaking she was quite attractive but the proposition held no interest to me at all, then we kissed and I felt nothing. At that point my options were to act upon my attraction to men, suppress it and enter a monogamous and unfulfilling relationship with a woman or find a woman who was willing to be with a man she knew to be gay in a non-monogamous relationship. Of course there is also the option of remaining single for life. Options 2, 3 AND 4 seemed really bad ideas, so acknowledging my sexuality was the most logical choice.

    So to summarise the rest of your questions in a few bullet points for length:

    * I am in a monogamous relationship, have only had one partner and find the idea of hooking up repulsive.
    * Our relationship is not about trying to gain power over the other person
    * Anal sex is very pleasurable if the person knows what he is doing and really cares about making the experience good for you. I have heard from other people that the opposite can be true if you're doing it with some randomer.
    * Intimacy takes many forms for me, one of which is simply cuddling without any intent to go further.
    * You seem very concerned with the stereotypical view of what it's like to be gay so I'd say that there are many ways to live happily as a gay man, just as there are for any person of any gender/orientation.
     
    #9 Iamthewalrus, Feb 5, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2013
  10. FemCasanova

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    Unfortunately, born this way is very accurate. I know that was not the answer you wanted to hear, and I will respond to the rest of your post as well, but I first have to say that my heart "decided" long before I did. And you cannot force your body to react sexually to something that it does not want to react to. For example, I can tell myself tables are hot, and I can fantasize about tables, and push myself into really liking tables, but there is no way I am going to get horny by staring at a table.

    Same way with the male down-stairs department. I am a lesbian, who was with a man for 6 months before realizing I was a lesbian. His genitalia did nothing for me. It was not attractive, it was not interesting, it was gross. I did not get turned on by it. Male bodies can be nice to look at, in the sense that I can appreciate the form, like a neat statue, but sex with the statue would do nothing for me.

    And I did not choose that. I did not choose to fall in love with my best friend at the time either. I didn`t even realize that I really was a lesbian until 2 years later. So, my body in that case "made the decision", not me. God knows it would have been easier if I was at least bisexual, because then I`d have 50% more options on the dating market (not saying it is easier to be bisexual, please do not take that the wrong way guys!).

    I am a lesbian, but I have known a lot of gay men, and they generally have wanted mostly the same as I wanted. For a while it was just sex. Then it was a companion, someone to be with, have someone to have an intimate and emotional bond with.

    No, sex is complicated, orientation does not change that. My gf and I are both women, both have vaginas. But our vaginas are different, our likes and dislikes are different and we still have to talk about it and work it out, just like her gay male friends do. Two men aren`t automatically tuned to "work alike", just because they are of the same gender, just like two women.

    I cannot reply to the smelling dirty stuff. Sorry, lol. Since I have only been with one guy, I cannot speak for the entire gender :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: But I do know some people have good hygiene, some don`t. It matters!

    No! Gay life is NOT just about sex. Where does that come from?? Gay, lesbian, bi and trans are people, just like the rest of the population. People have needs, and most of the time those needs are about emotions and lust. Some experience phases where they might be more inclined to look for one over the other.

    I just had a phone call at work the other day, where a man who had just lost his life-partner called in to ask about funeral arrangement. His voice shook and I could hear the grief through the phone. It was not a nice experience. This was a man who loved someone, and lost him. They had been together for 20 years.

    Having been active in the community where I come from, less than the chances of coming across brutal and aggressive homophobes. That`s where the danger is. In any case, same rules applies as same-sex dating. Be cautious if the man is a lot older than you, and you met online. Meet at a public place and get the feeling of who he is. But that`s a rule that applies regardless! When you meet someone online, straight or gay, you never know who is actually behind the screen, so a little precaution is always a good thing. But being afraid of possible predatory gay men? I think the chances are pretty low.

    HIV? Easy. Use a condom, use it correctly. Don`t use two at the same time, don`t use an old one. Just like one always should, regardless of whether it is same-sex or opposite sex! Sex with an untested person, regardless of gender, should ALWAYS be safe! Orientation has, yet again, nothing to do with it. Don`t do it bare-back.

    I am not sure about the gay one-night stand rate, compared to the straight one night stand rate, and it probably variates geographically. In Norway, I think the straight rate is higher, meaning more straight singles have one night stands that the gay singles. But the statistics are a little unclear on it.


    Heat of the moment? Oki, not replying to that one :slight_smile:

    Straight couples have oral/anal sex all the time. Is it sodomy then as well?
    Anal sex is not dangerous. But one should use lube, a condom, and be careful if the person is an anal-virgin or the partner is large in his downer regions. Slow and careful penetration is a good thing, regardless of whether it is between two men doing it anally, or a man and a woman doing it the standard way. Google it.

    Gay men are just as loose as the average straight single here in Norway. It is just that somehow it is worse when gay men do it, for some weird reason :wink:

    Not sure about the health issues. Only I read openly gay men are healthier mentally and emotionally than straight guys.

    A lot of people, gay and straight, love anal sex. I have never tried it, and never will, but that`s just me :wink:

    Risky things in sex? Like what, bondage? SM? Our SM community in Norway has a heck of a lot more straight members than gay, which fit the percentage difference in the population, so generally I would again say it`s pretty much the same rate. I am an active participant in the BDSM community, and I have met a lot more straight and lesbian BDSMers than gay, for some reason.

    I think your imagination as far as sex and gender goes, it heavily influenced by outside sources, a lack of experience on the area and stereotyping. The gay couples I have met behaved around each other the exact same way most straight couples do. Sweet, casual touching, tender looks.. The same broken hearts if the relationship doesn`t work. A frustration of it being hard to find a soulmate is something I have seen a lot of too, just like in straight circles.

    If you don`t think you could care about how another guy thinks or feels, then you`ve never been in love with a guy. Maybe you never will? Maybe you are a bisexual, but hetero-romantic, or how that label goes. But that doesn`t mean your view on it is the correct reality for most gay men. Love does not suddenly change shape or form, depending on the orientation on those experiencing it. Love is one thing, lust is another. Some have more lust, but don`t fall easily in love, some fall easily in love, but lack in lust, some are lucky to have both.

    If anything in this post seems a little harsh or something, forgive me, I did not mean it like that. I got the feeling while I was writing that I might have slipped a tone here and there, but please just forgive that. It is hard to keep completely subjective and calm, when someone is making it sound like the love between other people, cannot possible be real, or tender, or good, or whatever, just because they have an orientation that swings differently than most of the rest of the population. However, I get that it is confusing and a bit scary, if you are experiencing a certain attraction to the same-sex, which you cannot relate to emotionally. It`s okay to be worried and feel a bit defensive. You are in good company here, so please do ask more, if you have more questions (*hug*)
     
  11. cassexy

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    hi, virgins, once you are gay/lesbian/transsexual, once you meet your partner of your choice and get into the act, all doubts vanishes. you guide each other and have fun around
     
  12. Yogabear

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    At one time, I thought like you did on the disconnect between physical attraction vs emotional/romantic coupling with another male. The best recipe is to read a book or a few books on the subject to inform yourself of gay life in the 21st century! I'd also go expose yourself to a local LGBT community meeting in your community perhaps get a friend in the process to see how they tick to learn moe about them personally. Realing these things perhaps on your next medical checkup talk to your doctor on your general medical questios, then plunge in with a relationship with another gay or bi guy to see whether or not its a fancy or a real attraction.

    One of the best pieces of advice is to emmmerse yorself into any experience with preparation! Never go into something blindly and realize that many fairy-tales or stereotypes are just that baseless assertions with no merit. The LGBT community have learned a great deal since the eighties my friend on safe sex an using our brains not our groans as much. However, I have done research that gay males do cheat more than hetrosexual males, so make sure hookups are not on your agenda or perhaps use a dildo, lube, and a condom to see whether anal sex is right for you! Ending this paragraph would be that not all hetrosexuals do the same things like not all gay people do the same things and just cause we share interests in the same sex doesn't mean that we agree on anythin especially not on sex.

    In conclusion, you have authentic anxieties that these are not warranted in most encounters. YOu just have to be safer now days even with opposite sex partners cause people are crazy as you know now days. Keep in mind that you have to make the choices not us on EC for you an the risk/benefits are in your hands! Honestly though both sexes have admirable traits but to me its like comparing whether you'd like to be with someoneon average who shares your natural inclinations vs someon who was engendered for opposite role that nobody completely gets out of that and opposite sexes have obvious physical differences like periods, mood swings, pregnancies, and other things. I could pose to you the same concerns just about with hetrosexuals, so you are like an equivalent teenager in the lgbt group not quite in the group not out of it. I'd consider you a bicurious man just wanting to find out what the whole fuss is about right? he best true answer is inform yourself and experience it like my psychologist at uni told me to do and I've not regreted it since! By the way, you won't know what a emotional connectio is with another male till you date one silly goose!



    hugs,
    Peter
     
  13. wowiemio

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    I questioned myself these questions too, i will tell you from my personal experience
    for the "are we born this way" part, i though that i can change two, i forced myself twice to date girls but at the end it never worked, never got attracted to them and i didn't feel that it was me. if you think it was a decision, wouldn't most of gay men choose to be straight, it's a lot easier lifestyle, why choose to be gay while you know the hardships you will face with that decision
    they are like normal people, we want a normal life, just with someone from the same-sex
    like normal couples they do, i have a partner and we have been together for 2 years now, sometimes we don't disagree on everything but we manage our problems in the end
    this is only based on personal hygiene, for me i like to take care of myself so does my partner
    yes there is, we do have penetrative sex but most of the time no, sometimes just relaxing and cuddling is all you need
    it is found in both gays and heterosexuals
    use condoms and avoid sleeping with people you don't know
    depends on what you are looking for
    for me with my partner it is very intimate
    if you do it properly then no problem, use a condom, lube and eat food high in fibers
    nope
    well, i find it very pleasurable, some people don't
    that is your decision whether you wana take a risk or not

    I hope i helped answering some of your questions
     
  14. timo

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    I picked some questions to answer from my point of view. It's a common misunderstanding that gay life is about nothing but sex and gay people like to do it all day long so I like to prove that wrong :slight_smile:

    The same as you want from life, from sex, from a girl. A happy and loving relationship. Only difference is that I want it to be with another dude.

    It's what I prefer. I could be perfectly happy in a relationship without sex. Well, maybe not completely sexless, but for me it doesn't have to happen often.

    As stated above, no.

    I don't know about you but I don't cuddle and kiss with all my (mostly straight) friends, so no, it wouldn't.

    No. I'd rather die a virgin than have a shitload of meaningless one night stands.

    Let me put it like this: I'm not attracted to girls, so having a deep, gentle, intimate relationship with a girl not what I want. I find it hard to see what's so good about it, but just because it's something I can't imagine happening to me doesn't mean it's impossible or nonexistant :slight_smile:
     
  15. hello1992

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    out of curiosuoty, why are you on EC if you are straight? Are you here just because you are curious.

    Look, i am gay and i wish i wasnt, my parents would react badly if they found out (muslim) and it has come with so many emotional problems as well. I did not choose to be attracted to guys.

    But if you mean by "choosing to be gay" and is "choosing the gay lifestyle" of dating men etc then you msut ask yourself, why do you want a grilfriendd? Why does anyone want to get married in the future?

    I am like you in that i havent really done anything with another man or woman but i have come to realize that i dont want to be alone in life, just living alone, all ym friends getting married etc and i will just be alone. No one wants that. I also find myself feeling that a man can give me non physical support which a women just cant give, there's qualities in a man that i guess just suit me better. I get along with women really well, its just that i cant see myself being happy living with a women.

    I really am not the promiscuous type, in an ideal world i would want the guy that i first do anything with to be the last. For me it will all be about the emotional intimacy and cuddling, not the sex.

    Thing is, you are looking at it from a completely straight view bought up in a staright world, of course you wont be able to see anythign other than just hormones in a gay relationship, you ahve become accustomed to thinking love can onyl happen between a man and a women. But with gays it could be stronger, you are both guys, therefore you are more likely to have more in common, you know more about how the other thinks, and think of your most platonic friendship, and imagine taking that but adding a sense of real intimacy,

    I coudl ask you, how can you love a woman, you are two different types of people, whats so good about hetero penetration.When i see boobs all is see is sagging skin filled with fat that squirts out milk, i dont see anything appealing about it. Its all a matter of perspective from one's self. Its analogous to me saying how can you hate the series Lost (assuming you do hate Lost) when in fact i love it?

    I think you need to seriously dissociate what love is with heterosexual relationships.
     
  16. Wardrobe93

    Full Member

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    As someone who is questioning, I think saying 'blind and ignorance' is unneccessary. You need to understand as much as straight people that sexuality is not a black and white thing. We're not all purely gay or straight. And this guy is merely asking questions about something he doesn't know about and wants to understand. The whole point of this website is to help people who are struggling with there sexuality and improve understanding, not denounce them. The lack of understanding and therefore fear of things we don't understand is what leads to homophobia. So my advice; get off your high horse and if your going to preach instead of offer friendly advice then stick to gay pride festivals, not these forums!

    ---------- Post added 5th Feb 2013 at 11:21 PM ----------

    I know you were only being curious but I think all sexualities (including Hetro) should be welcomed. I expect nearly every straight person knows someone gay and this is a great way for them to understand things that are clueless about.
     
  17. SomethingWitty

    Regular Member

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    I think the key points have been hammered pretty thoroughly, though I will add a few points
    -there is a certain kind of smelly (like post workout preshower), that at certain times be absolutely intoxicating. But old stale sweat is pretty much universally reviled by gays and straights (though there are some fringe groups out there that are into humiliation and degredation that enjoy that sort of thing).
    -sometimes and aggressive and competitive sex can be fun. Take the fun wrestling and add the fun of sex. That being said that could just be a fringe thing I am in the minority on. In those cases it might hurt like hell, but if you know what it is going in you should suck it up. Most sexual encounters are nothing like that, and if the bottom is hurting more than a little, the top is likely doing something wrong, and if it doesn't stop hurting in fairly short order you should stop.
     
  18. sanguine

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    ......... just find a girl who can lift weights and has more of a muscular build. Best of both worlds.

    /Problem solved.
     
  19. cm81990

    cm81990 Guest

    Gay life and promiscuity can be correlated. However, it is not true of all gay men. There are not many role models for gay relationships. You just don't see many gay couples on TV. Straight relationships are advertised as the best most ideal fulfilling long-term committed type of relationship one can have. This makes gay relationships look subpar and not well respected. A lot of gay youth who don't have these role models, may find them in porn. Porn can have somewhat of a major influence in defining the sex life of a gay man. Your average gay youth doesn't see the happy committed gay male couple on tv... instead they see pride parades with guys in their underwear and porn videos that disregard any form of emotions or intimacy.
     
  20. Kidd

    Kidd Guest

    Just going to answer the questions I feel like I have actual answers for I guess...

    The same things that everyone else wants. Life, love, happiness, a career, a family, friends, fun, money. Whatever. The LGBT community is as varied as any other.

    Any relationship is going to have conflict. If you both want to bottom/top, then you take turns as the mood suits each other. If they're similar in their traits, mannerisms, etc, then that's fine. And if not, also fine. It's almost irrelevant. And a male/male relationship is only out of balance if you let it be. A healthy relationship isn't out of balance, it's a give-and-take both ways. There are healthy and unhealthy gay relationships like any other.

    No.

    Yes. It's called cuddling and touching without getting off or penetrating. Like a male/female relationship would. Just because it's gay, it makes no difference.

    You could say the same thing about a straight relationship. Totally a moot question.


    Some guys are aggressive. Some aren't. I've been bruised by guys before during sex because they were grabbing me too roughly. And then I've gotten shivers and goosebumps because their kisses were so gentle on my skin. So, it just depends I guess.

    All of those things happen between men and women too dude. Women can get STDs from heterosexual sex. If they have a shallow vagina and the guy is on the large side, the woman could tear in it. That's a risk you take with all penetrative sex.

    If someone is being too aggressive with you and you're bottoming and you tell them to back off and they don't and they're hurting you, then that's a sexual assault at that point. You're twisting things and totally taking them out of a realistic proportion.

    I bottom pretty exclusively and even the bad experiences I've had were pretty awesome in the moment. Most of the guys I've been with have been 6'0+ and I'm just barely 5'6, 145 pounds. Orgasms when you're bottoming are insane if you do it right. They literally leave me gasping for air afterwards. It feels awesome to have a guy throw you around a little bit.. ^_^


    I'm in my first relationship now, and we're just starting out, but it's definitely all of those things. I'm interested in him as a person, not a penis. The time we spend having sex is so infinitely small when relatively compared to everything else we do together. Playing video games together, going out to eat, just hanging out in general. Laying in bed telling bad jokes to each other. Sending a text saying, "Good morning, have a good day!" Comforting each other when we're upset. Looking out for one another. Things like that are why we're together. That's why I want to be with him. People and relationships are composed of more than just genitalia.
     
    #20 Kidd, Feb 5, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 5, 2013