After many years of denial, I've come to the realization of being a gay guy right? I'm sure many of us have the same revealation or those of us older have and have challenges with coping with this new reality. One of these challenges is acceptance of other people who accept certain parts of either the old you or the new you e.g. gay lifestyle or orientation or whatever but I don't like this separation. I kno know what I didn't know being formerly a homophob (light) that you have to accept lgbt individuals for the whole person that they are especially if you love them. My delimma is that I have people in my life that will never accept me and I can't come to terms with that reality. I don't understand why some people hold things against you for being gay. I don't agree with obese, gamblers, alcoholics or drug addicts, religious zealotry, or anything remotely like it, yet I tolerate them right? I just want people to accept me for being gay and for other gay people notably more gay guys to accept me for also being disabled. Neither of which I could control, yet I have this sense of blame that surrounds me like "Everything is my fault" and I want to yell out loud so that anybody can hear me. Am I the only gay man/woman or other btq individual that feels these feelings? Sometimes you can lose your mind just thinking of how irrational the world is on these topics. I have a tendency to over think everything and can't stop it. I can't stop thinking about men anymore just can't stop. Everytime a woman is around me the only thing I think of is like "wonder if she will be my friend" not sex anymore. I think something inside of me has finally broken and realization has come threw that I am gay and happy for it. I feel that I will have benefits that I'll have less stress, depression, anxiety and etc being with a man because lets face it women make your life more complicated than it needs to be right? I'm complicated not complex, yet many people percieve me as simple like a Little Guy but I'm a Big Guy you know? Thanks and I love you guys! P.S: I really feel like I can express the true Peter on here not the fake Peter anymore and you guys make me feel so comfortable!
Have you come out to these people, so that you know for certain that they will likely not accept you? I completely understand your anger, and that you struggle coming to terms with it. It is like blaming someone who is blind, for being blind. It is ... well, you know. I guess if the situation is like that, if the people just won`t accept you, there`s not much you can do other than let time work and see if something changes. Hang on to the fact that even though they may not understand it, you do, and you know that there is nothing to be ashamed of, that you are still the wonderful person you were before you accepted who you are and that you should be proud of being able to admit and accept that you are a happy gay man, who knows what path to take in life. Hang on to that pride, and the acceptance you have towards yourself. That`s more important than anything anyone else has to say about the matter. In time, hopefully you`ll be able to emotionally shield out the "blame" that these people seem to think you have. Are you sure it is they who make you feel this way, that it is not a small part left in you that interpret it that way because you haven`t completely come to terms with it? I am not saying it is so, don`t get me wrong, I am just asking because sometimes full acceptance take a little time, and sometimes our worries and anxieties tend to color how we view other people`s reactions and phrasings. And you are right. If you love someone, they deserve your acceptance. You deserve the acceptance of the people close to you, and their consideration. Even if they do not agree with it, or even if they have troubles understanding it, that is the way it is and if they love you, and want you to be a part of their lives they are just going to have accept it. You deserve that. The world can be very irrational. Sometimes though, people can surprise you. I take comfort in a belief that events over the last few years show we are going in the right direction! I have all faith that things can get better, for all of us, and that we can make it so. I think true Peter is a great guy, so keep on being true to who you are, and don`t let anyone get you down. We`re here for you (*hug*)
No, you wouldn't understand the brutality of where I'm living at all because of the hardship that goes on here is almost unbearable. The southern U.S still believes in what culture was lik one and a half centuries ago on all things like inneracial marriage, gambling, pornography or sexual toys and other things. Do you believe thain my state you cannot buy lottery tickets or gambling within the confinds of the state? The only exeption is on indian reservations that is federal property. Moreover, we had our last governor enforce shutting down sex shops for selling sexual toys because they are crazy. These are the peoplethat we deal with here and have state admendmendments againsts gay marriage even North Carolina is like this. As far as my friends and associates, they will never accept me being gay. They live in the furthest back woods of the state, so are entrenched in it. Unfortunately I'm going to lose a friend who I've known since thirteen years ago cause of culture or whatever. I just weep for losing a authentic friend cause of religion, mass media and tradition tha all bury the futurre with stupidstitions of real scientific known facts. Lastly, nope its not that I'm in denial anymore cause I've fought with myself for years whether I'm gay or not that isn'tmy problem. My problem is being enslaved for being both blind and gay cause botth have stigmas in normal society to hem. On one hand, they think that you can't work or have recreational life and the other they think you are inmoral/evil or whatever. It seems to me that if I need help a religious or spiritual person would deny me for one reason not the othe because of this combination but they don't know true love then. About this and othe things that I'm an agnostic/atheist so it doesn't bother me anymore cause no religion really loves people like me. The funny thing is if God didn't want us to turn to bein atheist or utopia on Earth, hen why did he give us a rational brain and creative to dream him or her up in the first place? Wouldn't you think that God or whatever deity would want us to think for ourselves not on some written down by man? By the way, I read France and the U.K are voting on gay marriage soon and Argentina, Belgium, Norway and South Africa have gay marriage that is amazing! Thanks, Peter P.S: if only I wasn't born in the U.S that things surely are better elsewhere like Australia or Finland perhaps except for alcoholism.
I am really sorry to hear that! Are all the southern states just as bad in those areas? I don`t really know that much other than what is in the media about USA, so I wouldn`t know how it is to actually live there. Could you possible move to another state (2012 was a good year for legalization and acceptance in several states, I heard), at some point? It`s always possible to aquire new friends. I was pretty isolated at first when I moved from the coast to the capital, here in Norway, but I got new friends that came and went over the years.
I only wish that it was easy to move to another state like "Normal" people. You see health-care by the states for disabled residents who are poor like me don't follow with you to where yhou move. Meaning that if I get sick by moving to Washington that I'll have to pay for the ambulance, etc that and I'm in financial recovery cause of my sister dying and dental problems. Secondly, the media doesn't even shine enough light on the hypocracy and brutality of southern states here. If you visit the U.S try not to enter the Deep South like Al, Ms, Ar, Tn, Sc, Mo, Tx, Ga, or other backwards states. For example, the death penalty curtails the appeals process and kills innocent people that are found later to have been innocent. The people are inhumane no recreational cannabis even though oingoing research indicates to positive coorilation to rehabilitation just the federal government won't conduct the research cause of Nixon's administration. A final thing is states in the south have gay marriage admendments that will ban gay marriage, so it makes it nearly impossible to marry the man who I want to marry. In conclusion, I'm trying my best to rid myself of my surroundings by trying to get a job. Being blind though the unemployment is 70% and with austerity cuts that this number will increase. I truly wish that I never was born in my country would rather identify as another country. I freakin hate my fellow fat, illiterate, religious zealot, discrimitory, and greedy capitalist fellow countrymen to a point that I no longer relate with them anymore. I almost left once but that was a once in a lifetime opportunity to Sidney, Australia. hugs, Peter
