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Sexual Shifts later in life

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Ken1, Feb 6, 2013.

  1. Ken1

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    I coach many men regarding sexuality issues. One issue that is often asked of me is: "Why do I now have all of these homoerotic fantasies after many years identifying as 'straight'?"

    I've researched on the web but have found no articles directly addressing this phenomenon. It is a fascinating one for me both professionally and personally. My sexual experiences have been with men. However, I did have a profound experience at a training workshop on sexuality when I was fisting a vulva! And, since that time I have had sexual fantasies around having sex with a woman. I have no plans on acting on these fantasies, but there is something very profound for me in these fantasies!

    If anyone knows of any literature investigating this phenomenon among men, kindly let me know. I will be most grateful.

    Ken
     
  2. Reptillian

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    Fluid sexuality, that's all I can tell you. There has been done researches done on fluid sexuality, I have some of the links in my previous posts. There's not much researches on it because it's extremely difficult to find fluid sexuality and we have been led to believe that sexuality is a matter of born v. choice when it's far more complicated.

    Academic studies

    http://www.psych.utah.edu/people/files/diamond54a5.pdf

    http://midus.wisc.edu/findings/pdfs/1153.pdf

    There's some articles

    Scientists say more and more women are changing their sexuality in mid-life. Can it really be true? And what's the emotional cost? | Mail Online

    The rise of late-blooming lesbians - The Week

    I do have a suggestion that the cause of fluid sexuality is due to a combination of epigenetics and neural plasticity and altering hormones throughout aging and environment which can change one's sexuality.
     
    #2 Reptillian, Feb 6, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2013
  3. OMGWTFBBQ

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    l looked at those links actually.

    l'll say the only thing that annoys me is that fluid sexuality is described as going from "straight to gay" and a "startling revelation". lt's just bisexuality.

    lt doesn't really matter if a bi person starts off attracted to both sexes or not, it's a bisexual arousal pattern. But the women in the article did identify as lesbian. l feel like some women feel a need to do that to avoid biphobia.

    l would wonder how you can be certain that you will never have a heterosexual attraction again if you never dreamed of having a homosexual attraction util 30 or 40 years old. So l view the behavior itself as bisexual, if they want to identify as lesbian l guess whatever lol.

    l would be interested in seeing more info about it going the other way, l always do have that fear in the back of my mind of being a lesbian identified bisexual who could fall for a man someday.

    But even in the articles they discuss how it's often born out of an emotional connection which is no secret to me, and something l've already had with men.
     
    #3 OMGWTFBBQ, Feb 6, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2013
  4. cm81990

    cm81990 Guest

    Are these fantasies persistent? When you see hot women on the street, do you get turned on by the thought of sex with one? If it's yes to all of those and assuming you were exclusively sexually attracted to guys before, then what you experienced would be a sexuality shift. Or maybe you are really bisexual all along and never opened your mind to the possibility of a woman? The latter seems more likely than the former.

    Mine has not shifted since puberty... I've done the same thing you did to a woman and it doesn't turn me on one bit. I'm not skeptical of bisexuality at all and believe it is the real deal. However, I'm somewhat skeptical of exclusively gay/lesbian people shifting to bisexual. A fluid sexuality certainly would be a good thing in a homophobic, hostile society rather than being exclusively attracted to the same sex. But I have high doubts someone who is exclusively into one gender most of their lives can one day wake up being attracted to both. IMO, they were simply bisexual all along. They just hadn't realized it or maybe somehow one of their attractions were suppressed for a long time.
     
  5. Reptillian

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    @OMGWTFBBQ:

    Actually, there were a couple of more studies and it is confirmed that gay to straight also happens. Fluid sexuality is described as slowly alternating sexuality. I don't have time to look for URL of them or documentaries, so I will leave the citations here.

    There's these citations from a documentary that looks at OSA to SSA

    Hatterer LJ. 1970. Changing Homosexuality in the Male. New York: McGraw-
    Hill Book Company

    Dickson N, Paul C, Herbison P. 2003. Same-sex attraction in a birth cohort:
    prevalence and persistence in early adulthood. Social Science and Medicine
    56:1607-15

    Nichols M. 1988. Bisexuality in women. Myths, realities and implications for
    therapy. Women and Therapy 7(2):235-52

    Pomeroy WB. 1972. Dr. Kinsey and the Institute for Sex Research. New York:
    Harper and Row

    I shall leave this somewhat questionable documentary here- http://www.mygenes.co.nz/PDFs/Ch12.pdf

    @cm81990: You have good reason to be skeptical, but I'd like to point out that fluid sexuality is described as a slow change of sexuality over time and not as in wake up one day with changes. Mine have shifted a lot during puberty as you can see in my history on my introduction thread and then sexuality is probably gone by then.
     
    #5 Reptillian, Feb 6, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2013
  6. OMGWTFBBQ

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    Yeah. l honestly do think even some self identified homosexuals start out that way due a strong emotional connection to the same sex early in life.

    SOME, meaning the ones who later enter into a hetero relationship and never saw it coming lol. But ultimately say it's the most fulfilling bond they've ever had >_>

    it can go either way, with a straight or bi person finding that connection in someone of the same sex.

    Thing is l'm not someone who can have a relationship based on that and l already tried ot, but some people don't differentiate emotional attraction from purely sexual attraction or it overlaps in a way that the don't even see the difference.

    lf people did strongly identify the difference, there wouldn't be so much confusion and what a person is innately sexually attracted to would be more obvious(barring many bisexuals, but even some bisexuals have an emotionally based attraction to one sex), but it's not an important distinction for some people.

    when sexual attraction completely changes for young men especially l am :confused: But it's usually in early adulthood, maybe hormonal but l guess still unusual.
     
  7. MerBear

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    oh great. just reading this has fucked with my mind already ....
     
  8. Bisexuals who suppressed their gay side would be my guess.
     
  9. Reptillian

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    Regarding emotional attraction and sexual attraction, well yes, you could make the case that it could explain why some of them thinks their sexuality has changed, but it doesn't make for a suffice explanation for why all people who experiences high degree of changes in sexuality slowly over time. One example is some mixed-orientation marriages (to be fair, a lot of them don't turn out well) where individuals compromises on sexual activities and still experiences some degree of emotional love for each other. Oh, and hormones do changes throughout lifetime. Men will experience less testosterone and women will experiences some drastic changes in hormones due to something to do with menopause at their 40s and changes still occurs later on.
     
  10. cm81990

    cm81990 Guest

    Yes, understanding the distinction between sexual attraction and emotional attraction is key here. Of course people can fall for people in the reverse -- emotional which leads to sexual. The only possible way I see a gay or straight person slightly shifting is if an emotional attraction starts first and then over time develops into a bit sexual. Since age 13, my actual sexual attraction has been very clear but the emotional was confusing. I've tried to expand my sexual horizon to include both genders but no dice... stuck with one.
     
  11. OMGWTFBBQ

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    l thought l was going to devlop sexual attractions to men based on the emotional connection.


    l still wonder how far l got, l REALLY liked these men lol. l think like you said it is ''a bit''. l don't think l was ever repulsed by touching or sex with a man, after the emotional connection kicked in it was like l liked some aspect of it and wanted to like it more.

    But you can always tell which sex you're forcing things with, especially when you don't even require the emotional connection for the sex you're really into.
     
  12. cassexy

    cassexy Guest

    well i was bisexual from my young age, i am still agressive and open to trying new techniques, ideas, partners and sexual acts.
     
  13. cm81990

    cm81990 Guest

    Good for you. You have an entire buffet table in front of you! Enjoy and be glad you're not limited to the extreme in terms of your sexual orientation.

    ---------- Post added 8th Feb 2013 at 12:26 PM ----------

    Totally agree. I guess when you get older your "needs" may change and might value emotional over the sexual. That could be why you see late blooming lesbians... Not sure about gay men marrying a woman when they turn 40?
     
  14. Reptillian

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    That could explain only some of them, but it still doesn't remove the very possibility of brain plasticity having to do with alteration of sexuality and if sexuality is verified to be due to epigenetics, then that could also have something to do with sexuality shifts as well. Maybe hormones as well since hormones changes. All of what I said is still unverified, but it is yet another possibility.