Hardest You've Ever Cried?

it was a few days ago.
my ex emailed me her answer and realized i had to let go of her.
i was choking. i could barely breathe.

 

When I came out to my mom and she outright told me she didn't accept it, then went on an emotional rampage while blaming me and the internet and all sorts of bull. Worst breakdown I've ever had, and I'd never felt like such a piece of trash.

 

I cried an ocean when I attempted to come out to my mom and she brought up a lot of religious stuff and then questioned me about things like "do you really love me?" the only reason I cried a ton though was cause I wasn't planning on coming out I was actually caught looking up coming out advice on the internet (ironic huh?) so that's the hardest I've cried so far.

 

Probably from watching Marley and Me.

I just don't cry, really. I choke up at certain things, but I never cry.

 

My ex-fianceè was a bit of a lunatic.

For the longest time I pretended I didn't notice how unstable he was, how much he lied, and abused.

So, I mustered up what courage I had and ended our relationship. I cried and I cried as he struggled to maintain a hold on me. I was in love... but, he just wasn't the guy I fell in love with anymore.

I don't cry much at all anymore, but I'll never forget that night.

Things are better now at least.

 

After hearing the news of the death of my cousin, who was like the sister I never had. We were very close.

 

The hardest I've ever cried was after I broke up with my ex girlfriend. She had cheated on me with an ex boyfriend and I completely broke down after she moved out. I cried for several days straight and basically stayed in bed for almost a week.

 

when my grandfather passed way the year before. two straight hours non stop...

 

The day I overdosed on Tylenol. Lots of crying, lots of really hard crying. Liver was almost damaged but thankfully I came out okay.

 

When I finally opened up to my family and told them I was trans*. I couldn't even speak clearly I was sobbing so much.

 

I'm not really a cryer, but I've spent an entire day in my bed, crying, along with sleeping out of depression. That was before a suicide attempt, which happened exactly one year and 25 days ago. It'll haunt me for the rest of my life.

 

I feel horrible admitting this...the day I got a B on an english literature essay...I duno what the heck came over me, I was crying publicly infront of everyone at the school I was quiet shocked, and people would be like dude look at me I got an F and I don't care...relax...it was so weird I made quiet a spectacle that day....

Reading others posts I feel so....evil....

 

I honestly cannot remember when the last time I even cried was. I am so emotionally fucked up from the decades of verbal abuse my father has inflicted on me & my mother has refused to defend or protect me from, that I just cant cry anymore. No matter how bad I hurt, no matter how horrible the pain is, be it emotional, physical or psychological, I just CANT cry. It makes me feel like even more of a freak than I already feel like with GID to begin with. I feel like Im a damn sociopath or something & it scares the hell out of me the idea that I might never be able to cry or even feel anything for the rest of my life...

 

I had a mental breakdown from:

~ holding in the sexual abuse/abusive relationship of 9 months so long (and the denial that it happened)
~struggling with my sexuality thinking I was gonna go to hell (I didn't find this site yet so I had no one to talk to about this)
~fighting as well as holding in my confusing feelings for my female best friend that I knew wouldn't go anywhere (I was starting to fall in love against my will.)

It was a combination of those things and that meant aloooot of crying, so I can't pinpoint what the hardest time was. I was at my mental breaking point and I was praying for death.

 

When I Learned my old bf killed himself because he was caught with a man.

It hit soo close to home being closeted to everyone. I cried all night alone.

That was 5 years ago and I think I've cried maybe once since then.

 

Wait, I have something to redeem my self, I remembered something, the day I read about Ahmet Yildiz....he is a turkish guy from a muslim background, whose father hired assasins to kill him because he wouldn't stop pursuing being gay. He was happy for the first time, and was on his way to be something in physics. (He can be googled I believe).

I eyeballed so hard about that guy, because I was like...why would God be ok with something like that....and most of the comments were that his dad did the right thing...so ya...ok phew I feel better now....

 

back in 2001 at my aunt's funeral. i was crying off and on around that period but during the end of the funeral where they closed the curtain over her casket, i just lost it. pretty much was holding onto my mom's and crying all over her shoulder.