Do gay guys judge themselves more than straight guys?

Good way of putting it, I am in the same position - don't find myself attractive so don't imagine anyone else will so I don't put myself out there and make an effort. You are quite right though, there could be people falling over for someone fat and bitter with life like me but I doubt it. It's a vicious circle.

 

I used to be that way, but then I started getting told that I was cute by both boys AND girls. In fact my best friend who is pretty much like my sister, when we first met had a HUGE crush on me. That was of course before she knew that I was gay. I then started looking in the mirror, and realizing that yes I am attractive, and that someday I will find somebody who loves me for who I truly am. On the inside and the outside.

 

I think we all have insecurities, gay or straight. It`s easy to assume that just because some guy is hot, and he acts like he knows it, he is actually confident, when it may not be the case at all. A lot of guys compensate with crappy behavior and fancy cars. A lot of girls overdo the make-up, fake tans, etc, etc. People are generally insecure, and we often find ourselves thinking they must be confident, because they are good looking, when it may not be the case at all.

Sometimes we have to cut ourselves some slack. We have to focus on our attitude towards ourselves, and not think that just because those guys fake confidence so well, I should to and thus it is a fail for me if I cannot. Confidence and self-esteem can be worked up, it doesn`t do us any favors if we always compare ourselves with other people. Nor think that they have it easier than us, is more confident than us, or better than us in any way. Even the super popular football player at school has stress and insecurities. He also has people he compares himself to, and standards he feels he has to reach up to.

*hugs*

 

Me to I feel the same like I like guys with muscle and a big build I have a big build except I'm not muscular I'm under weight and my bones pop out so ya. But idk I feel like if I like a guy with muscle he must like a guy with muscle also you know? Like i feel I won't find a man because I'm not muscular yet a lot of gay men seem to like toned and fit better. Like I don't need a man with Abs sure I think it's hot but for me it's not necessary like he jus needs to be strong

---------- Post added 22nd Feb 2013 at 12:55 AM ----------

I feel it's hard to live up to today's expectations of male beauty. Abs muscle and all that. Like I can't tan I burn so I used to spray tan but stopped and NOW THE AGE limit is 19! Stupid law. And I think I speak for a lot of straight and gay men that we want to look hot an sexy. And today sexy is based on all appearance and muscle. Like wise for women except with being a negative waist number. An it's quite sad to be honest that we judge ourselves to these expectations. I mean for me I like being skinny I do so when I walk in to a store and the mannequins are my size or bigger it makes me feel accomplished that I am the right size or smaller then supposed to be. Like my wist size is a 28-30 max depending on what brand I wear so I'm happy with that. And even with that waist size I want to be smaller but I can't because of my large build I have a weird build my waste is small an my upper body is bigger not a lot but a bit.

 

I think we do judge ourselves harsher but I also think you're right when you say that everyone has different interest.

I know that don't look like the "type" of guy I'm into. But hey! I might be the type of man for the my type of man. lol does make sense?

 

Yeah, I think you`re right, and it makes sense I mean, few of us would date ourselves, but that`s mostly because we know ourselves so well, we`ve seen ourselves at what we perceive as our worst. We`ve seen the gross black stuff between our toes up close, rofl. But others tend to not see what we see, because when they look at us they aren`t wearing the same critical googles. We are, regardless of gay or straight, most of the time more critical and demanding of ourselves than others. Most of the time they don`t even notice the things we can have big issues about when it comes to ourselves. And people do want different things, there`s no A4 fact list about what is attractive or what is not. My sister likes big ears. That`s odd to me, but for the guys she`ll meet with big ears, that`s great. I hate my big nose, but my GF finds it "cute". So, obviously people have different tastes.

---------- Post added 22nd Feb 2013 at 01:54 AM ----------

I think the only expectations we should try to live up to are those we set for ourselves. And if we`re clean, takes care of our looks by brushing/combing hair/wash our face every once in a while, try to stay somewhat fit (it`s good for our mood and our confidence to work on our fitness a little, doesn`t mean we have to be all muscular), then there`s bound to be a guy out there who`ll have you as his type. Charm and humor can take us far. Even when we are 20 kg overweight, there are still a lot of people out there who find that attractive as well. Maybe the Hollywood image is that you have to look A4, but reality of it is that looks alone does not determine whether or not you`ll find someone. But when we are going for the younger crowd, being fit certainly helps. But being fit is relative. Some people work out a lot, and still end up having their puppy fat, which is fine, because they can still be fit and healthy, and there are tons of people who think it`s nice. And then you have the fit and trained person who doesn`t build a lot of muscle, but stay lean and has more physical strength, which a lot of people find attractive too. And then you got the more muscled variant, which my sister adores, and a lot of gay guys as far as I can see.

That`s the good part, there`s always going to be someone out there who likes your body-type. Just remember looks might lure them, but personality is what keeps them

 

I have always had a massive downer on the way I look and therefore I imagine nobody would be attracted to me anyway. However, I do see people who I think are worse looking than me.

 

Well, I wouldn't know how straight guys judge themselves. I'm not one of them.