should I approve of gay marriage?

You certainly don't have to approve of gay marriage. I'm gay and I don't approve of marriages/civil unions, much less gay ones. However, if you do want a child, you'll probably have to resort to using that pathetic institution as it makes your chances of being approved much greater.

 

I think that you should just educate yourself and decide. I'm not sure where you live, but if it's in the United States, there are thousands of benefits in law that you can obtain by being married.

It's fine not to "believe" in marriage as an institution, and many people do reasonably take that position. As a practical matter, marriage is not going away any time soon.

 

No. Marriage is not just a title. There are over a thousand benefits from the federal government that are given to heterosexual couples in America. Usually people focus on the benefit of filing joint federal taxes

 

Quite so. A few other major benefits that being married confers to straight people virtually automatically:

a) Visitation rights in the hospital - While this has gotten more complicated in recent years, by and large if your partner gets in a car accident and goes to the emergency room, you will not be able to visit them or know anything about their condition unless their family feels like letting you.

b) Inheritance rights - Unless you want to jump through a lot of legal hoops (and maybe not even after that in some states), if your partner dies, all their property (including your house) can go to their family or the state, with you getting no more consideration than if you were just a roommate or a renter.

c) Legal recognition of parenthood - Currently only one of you can adopt a child in most places and if your partner was the one who did (or if the child is theirs biologically for whatever reason) and then dies or you separate, there's a chance you will have no legal rights whatsoever and your child can be taken away by your partners family, or the state. Or, if you've separated, you will have no legal right to custody, visitation, etc.

d) Medical insurance - Unless you work for a company that is big enough to cover it (and chooses to do so), your partner can't put you on their medical insurance. Even if the company offers that benefit, your partner will still be taxed for the value of your benefits (this is known as imputed income).

And so on and so forth.

Oh, another fun one - if your partner is in the military and is killed, you get no official recognition nor do you get any of the various benefits (including financial benefits) that the survivors of soldiers killed in combat get. No, the repeal of DADT doesn't change this in the slightest. DOMA would need to be repealed for this to change.

I've used your partner in these examples, but of course the situation would be the same either way.

Hope this helps,

Todd

 

There have always been people in the LGBT community who have objected to making same-sex marriage a priority, or even a concern. And I'm sympathetic to some of their arguments. Personally, I would strongly prefer it if our lobbying effort was focused on passing ENDA (the Employment Non-Discrimination Act). I think there are reasons why DADT and same-sex marriage have been pushed to the forefront of the LGBT rights debate:

1) the Christian right has a certain degree of control over the debate, and they're much more freaked out by same-sex marriage and DADT than by non-discrimination. Which means they talk about the former two more, making it easier for LGBT people to address them. 2) repealing DADT and legalizing same-sex marriage normalizes LGBT people. It makes us look like we're just like everyone else: having a family and serving in the military are two hallmarks of the traditional American, and if we can do both, it makes us look more like cis-het people, and thus it's harder to justify other forms of anti-LGBT discrimination.

Arguments within the LGBT community against lobbying for marriage at all fall into two categories that are pretty closely related:

1) Marriage isn't important. It's "just a piece of paper." It's an antiquated custom of a defunct patriarchy that should be done away with.

2) LGBT people shouldn't assimilate. Being separate from the corrupt society of cis-het people is an inherent good, and something to be preserved. When LGBT people do things that are "normal," we're capitulating to an evil society that needs to be done away with, not supported.

 

I'm lucky in that I work for a company that not only provides benefits for same-sex partners, but tax equalizes those benefits as well (i.e. they will increase your salary to cover the tax on imputed income). Not a hugely expensive thing to do, and I'd hope more companies would follow suit.

Now if I only had a partner to cover....

All of the other reasons are good too. There really is benefit to being married, and I don't think you should be denied those benefits simply on the basis of sexual orientation.

Now - whether the government should get involved or not is a whole other debate.

 

I agree with the above few posters. Not to mention, the idea of marriage was far from a result of christianity or religion in general. The idea of "merging" with a significant other, combining wealth and property, and working to sustain a single household. I find it hilarious how people dont want the government "getting into our relationships" when the only thing it is doing is allowing us to also share government based ideals.(Health Care, Isurance, etc).

If you dont care for skipping down an ill and obnoxious silver bells, that wonderful, but that is not the definition of marriage. I'm perfectly fine with stating that I love the man I am with on a document. I cant understand people who just dont want to get marriage, but being completely against it seems so arbitrary. As if we should decide what to do and not do in our lifes based on how it is viewed by society.

 

Hmm... I guess my opinion is a bit split on this. Everyone has the right to have an opinion, and speak their mind about it. At the same time, if a person cannot argument for their opinions, and just choose to be for or against a bit on the random, then I guess I feel that it`s not fair to oppose something that means a great deal to a lot of people, when one cannot even specify why you want to deny them that. So, no, I don`t think it`s wrong to be against it, but if one wants to take a right away from someone, at least one can try to give an argumentation for why you feel they shouldn`t have it.
If that made sense? I am not particularly a big fan of the marriage as an institution connected to law, I feel you should be given all those rights by just signing up at a law-office as a partnership according to law, and with the rights you deserve, regardless of whether there has been a marriage.

But the way it works today, unless you get married, you don`t get all the rights that married people do, and then I think it`s unfair to keep someone from acquiring them, just because they are of the same sex. So, opposing marriage is technically opposing equal rights, according to how the system works today. I think opposing the system is a better option, and work towards chancing that, so that whether people do or do not get married, it doesn`t affect their standing or situation legally. Marriage is a religious phenomena, and shouldn`t affect legal issues or rights.

 

Should you approve of gay marriage? Not necessarily. But should you be actively against it for other people? No I don't think so. What business should it be of anyone else if I want to stand up in front of my family & friends and promise to spend the rest of my life with someone and receive legal recognition of that? The reason I take issue with people who are actively against gay marriage is that it's such an unbalanced argument. For example, someone I know pretty much admitted to me that she got married to her husband just for the pretty dress and the attention, the marriage lasted less than a year. She plainly did not mean her vows, til death us do part was merely 'until I get bored of you', she made a mockery of marriage and that was her intention from the outset. So why are none of the people who are complaining about marriage being opened up to gay people complaining about this silly little girl? Just because they have the right combination of genitals she gets a free pass to do whatever she wants.

Also my sister does not want to have children, yet she is open to the possibility of marriage someday. Are you against that too? Why should it matter if she and her intended have the necessary equipment to produce a baby if they're not going to use it? Maybe you'll also say that you don't see why she'd want to get married, but is it necessarily important that you do? I was very much against the acquaintance I mentioned above getting married, but as she wasn't trying to get married to me I kept my nose out of it, I don't see why it shouldn't be the same for me. People don't have to agree that marriage is the right decision for me and my partner, but as long as the person I want to get married to is okay with it (and he is) I don't see why there should be a problem.

 

oh god ha. i asked my mum ages ago why she got married to my dad and she replied 'i dont know'.... awkward. not 'i was in love it was the right thing to do' or anything. i asked her if she was in love and she goes 'i dont know really'. why pay £567456 for something youre not sure of, ironically they are divorced now and it didnt last long but ya makes me wonder why i was born sometimes :|

on another note. op.
marriage can be a title for some. but it can mean much more to others, it means different things to everyone but mostly people get married because they are in love religious or not. it doesnt mean to say if youre not married then it doesnt mean youre not in love that was just their choice to do that.

 

As long as marriage, gay or straight, brings legal benefits, it will be relevant.

The important thing is having the opportunity there. I know it seems hypocritical campaigning for something that you don't actually want, but it's further equality all the same, and I doubt there are many gay people that wouldn't want equality even if they aren't in favour of the actual concept of marriage.

 

Whether or not you want to get married is your call, however no matter had much of a 'title/institution' it is allowing it for heteros and not us is blatant discrimination.

 

Take a look at this video from Suze Orman:

DOMA & Financial Inequality - Suze Orman, Financial Expert, on the Cost of Banning Gay Marriage - YouTube

There are many reasons why we should have Marriage Equality. You don't have to want it but why keep others from having it? It's a decision that people should make for themselves.

 

The government benefits of marriage are important to me. My girlfriend comes from Catholic financially struggling family. She doesn't get financial help from them for school, food, etc, yet still lives under their roof cuz she can't afford to move out. I'm pretty sure they lack on insurance too. We want to eventually get married and eventually want kids. Seeing that her family will most likely disown her and hate me once they find out we have been dating for years. Its scary to think that if she were to go to the hospital, I wouldn't be able to see her or know whats wrong just because I can't legally be married to her. It's scary to think what would happen if she died. Her family would get everything of hers, our kids, house, etc. and I would be left with nothing. I want to be able to have the same rights as any other married straight couple out there. I want, to be able to support her and our future kids financially. I want the kids she might have to be considered my kids as well, even though they can't be biologically be related to me.

But marriage is more than that to me. Its a stepping stone, its fulfilling a promise I made. Its the time when I decide I've found the one, and its making a commitment to that person. Its a time when family gathers to celebrate the love of two people. Like how family comes together to celebrate the birth of a child, or a birthday, or a anniversary.

I can understand if personally marriage is not something you want, or think you need. You can be deeply in love with someone and don't have to marry them to prove it. But for people like me, marriage is very important.

 

Hello,

Is your conflict ethical or linguistic?

I support any two people forming a legal union. But I dislike language being diluted.

When somebody discusses their partner today I have no clue what they mean; business, roommate, romantic long term, one time sex, etc.

I think heterosexuals have cursed the word "marriage" enough and they can keep it. While the LGBT community could come up with a much better term for our situation.

Get a better word!

Stuck

 

I actually traveled to Iowa to marry my husband Jordan. It doesn't really mean anything yet in my home state of Wyoming, but I hope it will someday. My employer already covers Jordan for health insurance, but I have to pay taxes on his part of the insurance premium. There are many financial benefits, including taxes. What scares me the most though is hospital visitation, and god forbid funeral arrangements/inheritance. Single people fall to their parents to make those decisions, married people it falls to their spouse. To put an emphasis on it, watch this video IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU - YouTube
I don't believe it will happen in my case, and I hope I never find out. I would have been completely devastated if it had happened to me.

 

I know at least two gay people who are actively fighting gay marriage. So you're certainly not alone.

I also think that we should do what we always do - come up with a better alternative and watch the straight people want a piece of it.

Lex

 

I think that civil partnership should be available to opposite-sex couples too; it just seems better. In the UK, anyway. If I were to get married I would be declaring loyalty to God's rules, which are rules I completely disagree with. Marriage just is. If people thought about it more, they might realise that its actually a pretty awful thing. There's no real way for straight people to become legal partners without entering the highly religious process of marriage in the UK. I really feel more strongly about that than gay marriage at the moment - not that I don't agree with gay marriage, of course. Just that for non-Christians, marriage is often not the way forward.

 

it is not a matter of if anyone approves or not...

... it is a matter of if society should segregate rights and privledges, and only give them to certain people.