I have a startling new revelation about my life... I'm not a lesbian anymore! :O I have been struggling with being gay for nearly 3 years now, only to discover that I not only like girls, but boys too! However I don't want to label myself as anything anymore. I've come to realize that my sexuality is very fluid and I can't put a label on it. Has anyone else struggled with their sexual orientation only to find out that its the opposite of what you thought it was?!
Yup! I struggled dating straight girls for the longest time. What I wanted/needed in a relationship with them they just couldn't give me. And I noticed over time in every relationship that I wasn't fulfilling what they wanted "out of a guy". Now that I'm out as a lesbian I'm looking forward to having an equal relationship that doesn't bound me to the stereotypes of being the incorrect gender. :icon_bigg
Yes, I have been married for ten years, I think that counts. I was never really into men, I just did pretty much what was expected of me. My mum always said that I would just meet a man and marry him. She said this because I never had boyfriends when I was in my teens. When I did meet a man I liked, guess what, I married him. Did the whole wife thing, took on all his oppinions, did whatever he wanted to do, did everything with him and based my whole life around him and basically gave up my own identity. Now, guess what, I have finally discovered myself, at the age of thirty. It's very liberating but I'm stuck in a marriage I don't want to be in. I want to shout from the rooftops that, 'yes, I am a lesbian!' I can't yet though, not till I get a place for me and my son to live. I'm working on changing my life though. I'm not going to live a lie any more.
I totally know what you mean! As of now I don't really fit in a box. If people ever ask about my orientation I say I'm 'not straight' and just kind of leave it at that. I think people place way too much value in having labels and boxes for things to fit in.
I personally hate labels. I am in a "questioning" phase, but I know enough to know that the answer will very likely not be anything neatly filed away. Then, again, I honestly don't care. If people who know me have their brains blow up as they struggle to try to label me, that's their problem, not mine. Years back, I watched Tom Snyder (at that time he was a late night US talk show host). He commented that when he was young, he saw the world as black and white. But as he aged, he began seeing things in gray. Yes/no became maybe. As I get older, I increasingly find myself in agreement with him.
I actually do like this. For some people labels truly do reflect who they are. For others, they feel like a prison. I am confident I'll always experience same sex attraction. But opposite sex? It seems pretty slim but I acknowledge some weird circumstances or situation could happen in the future. It's probably about a 5-10% chance, maybe even lower. If you know you are 100% gay but feel uncomfortable with the label, you can always just say if someone asks that "I'm into guys, not into girls at the moment." Or leave out the girls part and just say "Into guys." It does leave wiggle room for change but also if it never changes, you were still being truthful about your sexuality.
This is true. Sometimes it does help to have a label though. If you've been wondering about something for years, then it suddenly becomes very clear what you were looking for, then a label can help you come to terms with it. When I'm cooking a meal, it might be roughly spag bol, but I might put a bit of something else in there as well, my special ingredient, but if I am asked 'what's for tea?' I'll say it's spag bol, because it more or less is, and if I were to list all the ingredience, a, it would take ages, and b, people would be confused, and c, who exactly decides the difinitive recipe for spag bol anyway?...I make great spag bol btw.
I too don't know how to label myself so I just use the "I LOVE RAINBOWS" phrase whenever I have to. To be honest if I really have to put a label for my sexuality, there will be a need for a new one since none of them can define what I am actually. At first I came out as bisexual but as the exploring began I realised I'm a lot more than that :lol:
This is something I've been trying to say on EC since I arrived here. People seem far too concerned with their sexual identity; if the idea of specific identities wasn't shoved down everyone's throats the way it always is, we wouldn't have these issues in the first place. People do not need to 'choose' a sexuality.
I've given this spiel before in similar threads, so bear with me Labels aren't the problem. It's the way we use them. The truth is that we use labels for ourselves in every aspect of our identities and in a lot of those cases, we don't freak out about it like we do over (for example) sexuality or gender labels. It's because we attach so many stereotypes, boundaries and assumptions to each label that it starts to become so easy to brush them off as bad things. Because sometimes you just don't fit all of the connotative parts of the word you're using to explain who you are. But we don't have to fit all those things. Take the word that best fits you, something that (without other people's attachments) makes sense to you, and use it as shorthand for who you are when you need a quick way to explain. Taking away words to talk about who we are is taking away a really important part of forming community and identifying with other people. So I don't think it's good to completely abolish it. Not that I'm saying everyone has to have labels. You certainly don't need to use them. But I can't in good conscience get on the "down with labels" train...
Yep. I thought I was gay only to discover I was Bi and then possibly Pansexual. I don't love a person for their gender, I love them for their personality! Sometimes we have to know ourself and understand the whys, what's, and how's before we can truly define who we are. I did a lot of soul searching before I came out of my depressing shell and I'm a lot more open. If someone asks I would tell them Bi. Otherwise I'm too complex for them to understand.
We can't really reject labels, because even if we refuse to label ourselves, others will label us. We use words to describe things, and we tend to want to use as few words as possible. This is going to mean people will come up with with one or two words, which is going to be considered a label, and it's probably going to be reductionist. But such if life.
I completely get that everyone else will decide our sexuality for us anyway, but as long as you know what you really are, it doesn't really matter. Most people don't understand the complexity of sexuality.
Good for you! I think some people spend way too much time trying to categorize themselves. It's not always that easy to say you fit one identification. I respect what you're saying. (*hug*)
Yeah. I've been questioning my sexual orientation for nine months now. I don't know if it's fluidity or hesitation to date boys. Boys intimidate me. It's curious bcuz I swear I was 100% lesbian growing up. I dunno. Maybe it is fluidity. ---------- Post added 3rd Mar 2013 at 02:39 AM ---------- As for labels, I'm tired of the bisexual vs. pansexual mudslinging, so for now my orientation is people. Others will label me what they wish, but I won't force one upon myself, with the exception of coming out to family.
