Love and Money

I can't see how it would be much different tbh. I don't generally go out spending money on frivolities, and it would still annoy me if a partner did the same regardless of whether they were male or female. It drives me mad when my husband wastes money in the pub etc, especially now I'm planning to leave him. I'm getting what I can out of the account when it looks like it can handle it. He hardly takes any notice of the money situation anyway, so he'll never notice. I have to do this because the savings book is in his name. He'll have about 2 or 3 thousand pounds in his name that I will have no access to, so I'm getting what I can when I can.

That was slightly off topic, but I imagine financial concerns would be the same in any partnership.

 

June takes care of the bills in our marrage. I run us on a budget and try to save as much for a rainy day as possable. As long as I feed him well, has money in his pocket, and he always has beer in the fridge, he could care less. I am his first girl who saves, and he likes that we do not live paycheck to paycheck as he always had in the past. He came to me with no savings, no running car, and now has 2 cars and money in the bank. He says he has never been fed so well, and felt this happy. I have found I can live well on a budget. It was my 2nd partner back in 94 who tought me budgeting. My parents are quite wealthy so I was used to the good life at that time. I still live quite good, but know how to save. I have lived with a budget every since. Not sure how other people live. I am curious to hear. Great topic! June

 

Not sure about it holding true in all cases, though I can say I'm in a saver/saver relationship and I feel like we've always been financially compatible (both having our own jobs and professional(?) lives has helped, no doubt). We don't stress out when we have emergencies pop up like car repair and stuff like that because we always have a little tucked away. And we're both easy to entertain (usually at la casa).

However, I came from a hetero saver/spender household, and I can say that financially we always were provided for in that house too and we never really had to tighten our belts much, but there were a lot more arguments over how money was spent. Can't complain much though - I ate well and was well-dressed, a lot better than these days. That's what happens when spenders impose a certain standard of living over spendthrifts. It's not necessarily a bad thing.

Coming from a mixed spender/saver household, we savers make sure they have money for playing, they make sure we actually play a little too.

 

Love and money can be very hard to seperate. Most things in our lives requires money so rather than just sharing interests with the person you love it can be argued that without money the people within the relationship may find it hard to deal with each other.

Financial problems often causes friction between people and it wouldn't be too long until they begin to point out their problems with each other. So yes, most relationships would need some money for people to have some piece of mind. However it can also depend on other factors such as whether a person's partner has expensive tastes and how comitted they are within that relationship.

That's my take on it, although I'm still far too young to know the dynamics within relationships.

 

I haven't had a serious relationship myself yet, but I know how I'd feel regarding the subject of money and relationships. I like to share good fortune with the people I like, I like to buy them things, etc. I don't treat it like an investment, I really couldn't care less if they buy me things in return (I'd appreciate it of course, but I don't sulk if it isn't reciprocated).

In general, in a relationship I'd hope for just a loose attitude towards paying for things. I don't really need a system to assure it's 100% fair. So say we're going out, I'd offer to pay, and sometimes my partner may say sure, other times, "No I'll pay". It's no biggie. A suggestion that might work for couples who are living together would be having a shared fund for things like food, hygiene, etc, as well as dating, as well as separate funds for each other's specific stuff. That way each person still has independence (not just one big shared account), but there's the advantage of not having to awkwardly work out some sort of system for who pays for what.

 

money is pretty much a tool by the capitalist bourgeois to force capitalism upon the masses, & further oppression of the workers & so on

 

Well, let's see here...

I come from a family background that is really bad at managing money and was well on my way down that road myself when I moved to VA and met my partner (I had literally had the same car repoed twice by that point). He, OTOH is tremendously good with money, has literally perfect credit (sales people nearly have a heart attack when they run his credit and then get really respectful), and has never found anything he couldn't get on sale or with a rebate or both. He pretty much took me under his wing in this area, provided a lot of advice on the best approach to paying off the debts I had and helped me get some paid off faster after which I then paid him off. So I ended up learning a lot (although he learned a few things too).

These days we both make a lot more money than we did when we first met, but are certainly not what you'd call 'wealthy' or even 'upper middle class'. Compared to most of our friends we are certainly lower level earners. Nevertheless we have a nice little house in one of the best neighborhoods in town, buy our cars new, own or buy pretty much anything as we want it, and have a fair bit of disposable income to play with. We've also got things set up so either of us can pay for our lifestyle if the other isn't working, something that does happen from time to time. We don't use budgets and I don't think either of us has balanced a checkbook in years (That's what online banking is for). We hired a financial planner last year and are looking very solid for retirement. Wills and such will be getting done later this year. We have each other set up as beneficiaries on each others retirement plans and whatnot.

Finance-wise we keep our accounts and bills separate. Neither of us has any interest in trying to keep track of who spent what when so we don't bother. We both bank at the same institution and maintain a joint savings account so we can electronically transfer funds between us when needed (such as me paying for my half of the mortgage and such) in a matter of seconds. Currently he's on my health insurance since it's a much better deal than what he can get through his union.

When we go out we tend to alternate paying for meals. When we go out with friends, it's not unusual for one or the other couple to just pay for the table. We call it flexible money and it all usually shakes out equitably in the end. Any purchases under about $100 or so are usually considered an impulse buy and just happen. Above that amount we will usually wait on and discuss, usually in terms of trying to find a better deal somewhere else or waiting for it to go on sale or the like.

I don't think we've ever had a fight about money, not even once.

Todd