So I've decided to start taking public transit for a while out of my comfort zone but I need to grow up for once. People on here said live within your means and since I work and make my own money I've decided to not ask my parents for anything and to get things on my own. I want to be a real person not this fake shallow guy I am now. I need to open my eyes and see beyond "things" and looks and look at inner beauty. I want to be a happier and nicer person and I think this is the only way to do that. I want to attract nice and real people not shallow and rude and fake people. I want to attract a great man not a gold digger or a shallow dickwad I've already been making baby steps by not buying the things I "want" just because I want and can buy them. I'm wearing cheaper clothing now so I really hope this helps in attracting healthier people
I think it`s great that you are taking steps to become the person you want to be. Also remember though, that in order to attract the kind of people you want to befriend, you need to look at your own inner person. Clothes and things don`t matter much in the big picture, and if I met you on the street, I would notice how you acted, not how you dressed. An honest smile goes a long way. I have noticed you have "sounded" a lot less angry in your recent posts, which I think is great! It`s awesome that you are working through the anger and the resentment, because those feelings hold us back from becoming who we want to be, and progress in our lives. Forgive and accept, that`s my motto. Treat every person like he/she is a person with feelings, and care about those feelings. People are most often attracted to genuine, warm and caring people. At least I am, lol, and most people worth knowing. Gosh, that sounded a bit arrogant, lol, forgive me. I only meant that I think most of the time, I am a nice person, because I really try hard to treat people with respect and kindness, as it is the way I wish to be treated in return. And that`s the kind of people I want around me, which is why I try my best to be a decent person, because then maybe that`s the kind of people who will be drawn to me as well. Plus, it makes me feel better, lol. And be nice to yourself. If you are having a bad day, it`s okay to not be perfect and smile to everybody. It`s okay to just throw yourself on the couch and say "Fuck it all!". We all have those days, but we get through them, and tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities. So allow yourself to be honest in your emotions, and feel them, just try to be aware of whom you are actually upset with, so it doesn`t go out on people who are just at the wrong place, wrong time. And sometimes it is better to suffer in silence and work through it, and not implode there and then, lol. We handle stuff so much better if we have some time to go through it mentally before taking it up with someone.. Damned, here I go writing an essay again. Sorry, I have finger-diarrhea! It`s a flaw of mine!
Awe thanks for te long reply ahaha and ya I mean sometimes I'm still angry but it's for reasons like being gay, being alone all the time those things. I'm just so sick of attracting bad people and beingsi shallow. Now that I'm working I serve poorer people like I mean hobos and people not so wealthy. And you know what they are funny and rely nice. If I didn't have this job I wouldn't know that. After my car accident I kind of started thinking like do I actually need a new car? I really don't I work a lot now I for really go anywhere ad if I needed to go somewhere ill take my mothers vehicle. I mean the price for premium gas is crazy before I was working I didn't care It wasn't my hard earned money now I'm paying I could barley afford to fill my ex car up :/ It hard to break habits but I am trying. You know growing up getting anything I wanted going to any concert I wanted in box suites having things dedicated to me going on multiple vacations a year flying shopping you know its hard because I want those things but unless my parents have a life changing epiphany and believe homosexuality is ok I will not get my inheritance which means I will have nothing and I spent my life growing up pretty much depending on my inheritance to look after me and now I won't have that I have to fend for myself. And that's why I have times where I crack and go "no I need a rich man to then look after me if I don't get my inheritance" which is the shallowest thing a person can do. My mother is a gold digger and I don't want to be like her. But I'm so happy I'm changing for the best I hope I will find a man soon ASAP
Good for you! I sure hope you find yourself! Money, cloths, or looks don't make the man. Look for a kind soul and love in his eyes and not what he is wearing or if he looks a certain way. You might just find you are perfectly happy with a adverage Joe in a apartment with a Ford. In my case the money never meant much to me and I hated the shallow snobbs I grew up around. My sister still hangs on to our parents and the high society lifestyle. She has no real friends and, has plastic, shallow, good looking men in her life. I don't think they are hot, but they always have that shaved body steroid look to them with bright teeth. They are always shallow, rude, and pure plastic thinking they are Gods. She is the same. She is so miserable and funny enough is jealous of me. I am extremely happy in my simple country home with my country redneck husband who truely loves me. He is a real man and I feel so secure when he holds me in his arms. We live quite well IMO and when I left the 1.4 million dollar home I grew up in 24 years ago I never looked back. I ran like hell! The new people I met, I never let them know anything about where I came up. I wanted to fit in and not be prejudged. I can say all the friends I have here are real friends. I escaped a life of mysery and so can you! It sounds like you have a good start and see the problem. That is the first step. So go find true happiness! June
Once you manage to cover all your essential expenses with your income and when you can know in any moment that you have the means to support yourself for a few months, any additional money you have will not bring great changes regarding your happiness. It's nice to go skiing, but sometimes it's better to stay home and go shoot some billiards in a local pub; it's cool to go to some perfect white Pacific beach, but it can be so much better to go to a local lake with your friends. Basically, as long as you don't have to worry about being hungry, cold or sick, money means very little. People who don't see that are missing their lives. As far as you go, I think you can see in the change of how people here communicate with you how much more satisfying it is to open yourself up, to be true to yourself and others and to respect everyone, be it "hobo" or otherwise. You're on the right track, Alexander
The choices I've decided to make are astronomical but I think necessary for my happiness. I've had the good life for a long time and bow it's time to grow up an face reality. My father knows nothing about hardship coming from my grand parents his parents who were multi millionaires and still are to this day so for me to be working at McDonald's my father hasn't accepted that yet and to be honest I think he is disgusted with me. As for my mother she was not from money she is a gold digger and used her looks to get my father married him and had a child soon after (my brother) then me for security and incase of divorce money. My mother forgets that she is from a poor background so it's ironic she hates poor people. The thing about people who come from money is that usually they handle it better those who come into "new money" tend to spend it all or more then they have. My mother doesn't work she just shops. My great grandfather had a saying he would always say "wealthy people are not wealthy because we spend money, wealthy people are wealthy because we get every thing for free. We are the cheapest bastards alive". Things used to make me happy and still in a way do but I liked those things because they made me feel like a bigger better more important person and doubting who I was I needed the self-confidence it brought to me. Now that I am a bit more sure of who I am these things are meaning less and less. Do I still like them of course but I'm not using or buying them for the wrong reasons. Like it hit me last night when I was looking at cars. I was only looking at luxury cars instead of thinking sensibly I was thinking on the grounds of showing off again. I always use the "my parents won't do that or this" excuse but I've never actually asked not questioned them on those thingS like asking for a ford or a Honda I've never mentioned it I've always just assumed they would say no to the idea. The cars I've always driven have been a status symbol showing what I can afford compared to everyone else. And I don't want people to look and go what a shallow dickwad I want people to say wow your awesome and a great person. I want people to not look at my things not come to my house just to party and drink not use me for things I want real friends and real relationships with people. And the only way for that to happen is for me to make changes and I see that now.
You'll find your way and you might be surprised in how it all unfolds as well. Just remember not to romanticize or fantasize it too much. That was my problem. And it sucks having grown up in a "bubble" as I've come to call it especially when reality hits you like a ton of bricks. Yet, astoundingly enough, as much as this hurts i've been trying to make my own way for about five years now and though everything hasn't panned out perfectly, sometimes I can't help but laugh at the moments when it all felt so bleak and pointless. Not because "I can see clearer now" but more so because it's amazing how perception can make you feel as if you are the only one in the world feeling it when common sense and common knowledge are telling you otherwise. You'll make it. You definitely seem more than strong enough. :smilewave
Alexander, I can't tell you how incredibly mature and thoughtful your posts in this thread sound. It takes an awful lot to recognize and acknowledge where you've made mistakes or held unhealthy views, and you're making enormous strides in better understanding yourself and learning to be genuine and emotionally healthy. This is the first time you've explained your mother's background, but it explains an enormous amount about why she behaves like such a piece of shit. Ultimately, it's because she has an enormous amount of shame; inside, she *knows* she's a fake and doesn't deserve anything that she has, and that's why she's so incredibly pretentious. It takes a lot of perceptiveness on your part to realize this, but once you do, you can both have compassion for her -- because she is so filled with shame and is so profoundly unhappy -- and at the same time, not buy into her BS about what's important in life. Taking the bus and working at McDonald's is great to help you understand the people in the world around you, and I think you'll find that as you interact more, you'll find that most, if not all, of the judgments your mom has fed you about people and how they live are bogus. And, in particular, it's clear that all of this is a stretch for you... which is also good, because it is when we stretch our limits, and do things outside of our comfort zone (provided they are sensible ideas in the first place) that we can experience the greatest growth. Please keep up the good work. You have a lot to be proud of.
