Hello all, and I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and support. Ive been seriously debating coming out to my mom, and since poetry is the way I express myself I wrote a poem to tell her, I'll post it if anyone wants to read it. But something is holding me back. That something is one simple word; why? People don't tell others they are straight, why should we have to tell people we're gay? I've only recently come to terms that I'm gay, it's still a tough pill to swallow since I was raised that these feelings are "from the devil himself". It's hard for me to accept but I thought I might stay in the closet forever. I've spent about ten years denying who I am, it's hard to admit that I'm gay. It was hard to admit to myself so I can only imagine how hard it would be to admit to others. So my question is this; what would coming out do for me? Can't I just accept it and move on without having to tell my family?
I think it would be cool to read your poem. Also I see your point about coming out and not telling people if you are straight but maybe you could just tell your mum because it is something she probably wont naturally assume. Its not something you have to ell them but if you are close to your family they might feel hurt if they found out from someone else. I'm only out to one person but for me, even though it was hard for me to say because then I had said the words and I couldnt take them back, I did feel a lot better and like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders now I had someone at home to talk to.
IMO, coming out is a way of sharing who you are with the people you love; it doesn't change you as a person, and while people who are straight don't have to come out, I think sharing this part of your life is so much more beautiful. If people accept you, it's a huge step forward, and you bond better than before; it's no longer uncomfortable when people ask (me) what type of guy I like, or when (I'm) going to get a boyfriend. Sure, there might be some people that aren't as accepting, but as long as they know this is who you are, they have no right to try to change that. It's your life, and it's your choice whether or not you want to come out. It's not necessary, but it's just one of those things you can do to get all that weight off. People to talk to about your problems, inner battles and such, rather than trying to withstand it by yourself. How you want to go about sharing is up to you; like I said, it's not necessary to come out. You shouldn't feel obliged to do it if you don't feel you should.
I agree. I think its like a way of saying 'Im not the same as everyone else and I'm proud to be different'
Yes. You don't need to make an announcement of your sexuality, just like straight people don't do. It can come up in casual conversation, but by no means should you feel obligated to go out of your way to put it out there.
Thank you both for your comments, and nyanko I know what you mean about people asking probing questions. My uncle called me the other day asking about a "girlfriend" I simply said I wanted to get my life in order before thinking about that. I've kind of hinted to mom about this, anytime she mentions girls I flat out tell her that I've given up on women, but she assumes it's because of my last relationship, I don't think she thinks that it might be because I'm gay. It seems to me like I'm dropping these hints so she'll just ask me, but I'm not sure what my answer would be, I've been lying to myself for so long about it. Anyways, here's the poem I wrote: I am a fraud, a fake. More of this life I cannot take. To live the life of who I truly am, is a dream of mine held back by a dam. A dam of fear, anger and shame, I am playing a most dangerous game. Do I follow your standards and live a life of loneliness? Or do I follow my heart and live a life of happiness? There are pros and cons to each, neither choice is a walk on the beach. To have someone hold me and love me, this is something I fear that cannot be. I watch those in love and only wonder, "will I be nothing but a bystander?" And yet... a safe bet... is that I won't find love, I'll stay a single dove. To die alone is a thought I've entertained, sure to happen if I keep the life I've maintained. If I could just drop my mask of lies, as my old life dies. Oh, what a victory! To make life long lies history! To bring my true self into the light, to show who I am to everyone in sight! Yet I fear this would be the death of me, for the world says I shouldn't be. It's something I didn't and can't debate, even though it's part of my fate. Something in which I had no choice, my true self struggles to find his voice. I want a happy life, but not with a wife. I'm sorry to say this but it's true, I want a "him" as my beau. That's right. Now you feel the bite. I know this is a long way, mother, to say two simple words I fear to utter. I wrote all of this just to say, "I'm gay." What makes me "iffy" about coming out to her is she watches "Days Of Our Lives", a soap opera where I live and there's a gay couple on it. Anytime either one of them shows up on the screen, she changes it saying "I don't wanna see any of that gay shit." I know characters on a show are completely different from her own son, but she's shown me she's homophobic. Her "über Christianity" doesn't help either.
When I came out, I felt like I was finally being honest with myself and others. Coming out relieved me of all the stress I had about people finding out about my sexuality, and I learned that people are generally quite accepting. Coming out to my parents just made me feel better about myself, and I was glad I wasn't hiding anything from them anymore.
Thank you very much. It's nice to hear that people appreciate my work. To Rivers, I can understand how coming out would relieve stress; like constantly worrying if my secret might come out because of the way I walk (It's been on my mind a lot recently, and I've discovered I move my hips quite a bit when I walk, unintentionally of course.) Among other things, I move kind of "femininely". I've been dealing with other (mental) issues since I was ten, so I have my emotions in check and am very good at controlling them. But like the poem says, I just want to be me, but I fear what would happen.
I used to ask the question "Why come out?" a lot. After I did some research, I decided that it would be the best course of action for me. This is a post I made on another thread that summarizes what I found
Thank you all, I really appreciate your input and support. Castle Walls: that's kind of exactly what I was looking for when I was wondering about the benefits of coming out. I know I'm not the smartest person out there, but I consider myself an intellectual and the psychology that you cited made a lot of sense.
Coming out ,put an end to the conflict going on inside my brains, like a big relief learning more to accept myself, instead of hiding and lying to myself. I have met and talked with other gay men and found them to be friends I am more relaxed now and with less stress My family has a better idea of who I am, it answers a lot of questions they have wondered about, they are all ok with it.
