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Wow my parents are ridiculous

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Alexander69, Mar 14, 2013.

  1. Alexander69

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    Ok so I posted a thread before about me talking to my dad about my life changes I am trying to do and living with with in my own means. Anyways I've been taking public transit since my accident and having my friend drive me to work and back. Anyways I get home today to see my parents bought me a car. Ok that's nice but I told my dad I didn't want an expensive car or things anymore I said no "European" cars so what do they do! They get me an escalade. So I confronted my parents I said I don't want it take it back or give it to Sean's girlfriend for her birthday next week get it painted pink for her BECUASE I don't want it. I looked at my dad and I said I thought we had an understanding? He's like "yes I understand you didn't want a European car" I said why does it have to be $98,000 vehicle then? I said get me a Honda or something I said I can't afford the premium gas these cars need on my pay cheque! My mother looks and goes "these people are changing you..... I don't like this... At all" I'm like these people? "These coworkers. They are from different life styles they are trying to change you I can't take it" and she starts crying I'm like I'm changing to be a happier person no one can change me. And she walks away crying and my dad just sits there. I don't want the cadi I don't want a car right now
     
  2. June Cleaver

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    Man I'd take it and say thank you! Back when I was young I had a partner I called Cadillac Jack because he bought me a new one every six months. Jack wanted me driving a safe big car he would say. The first one he bought me was a new fully loaded 1992 Fleetwood De'elegance. I loved that car and drove it till 2007 when it got totalled on the interstate. He gave me two more cadi cars after that, but I would not trade that one in because the body changed for 93. So maby they think that big thing will keep you safer, just in case. Mine still looked and drove like new even at 15 years old and never broke down. It was a great car with the optinal big Corvette V-8. Good luck, June
     
  3. Minx

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    First world problems? :eusa_ange :slight_smile:
     
  4. Honestly, I would just say take the car and only drive it when you can't take public transit. Later on you might need one and this car is free. It's not worth it to turn it down outright. Gift horse. Mouth. All that.
     
  5. TwoMethod

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    I can't imagine how awful you feel. I would be desperately upset if my parents bought me a $100,000 car.
     
  6. 4ever Hearth

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    Though it is something that seems quite trivial, through his eyes i'm sure the dilemna is that he feels as if his quest for independence is being undermined which it is since he previously spoke about doing things his own way to his parents. So lets not make it seem like he's being a brat because I don't think he is at all.....Though I do have to be honest, it's really hard to keep myself from telling you to just take the car. :lol:
     
  7. Convoy

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    Anyways I get the whole undermining your independence thing, I've got to deal with the nasty turbo issue and auto trans (Which will fail, 2k fix or lots of work) on the TDI MK4 that I've gotten, seriously annoying since I had planned to get a car without these issues or fix one up.

    Still to me an relatively expensive car is around $16,000; my parents most expensive car to date has just been a tad over $12,000 and they had trouble financing it.

    If your parents have that much money then you should be able to get some kind of help on the gas bill and insurance, etc. Take the Escalade and drive it like you stole it, reasoning is good but it'll only go so far. If your under 28 or so (Not really independent, full time employed and making good money) then I don't see a reason to refuse, it may be insensitive but they are just trying to help.

    A lot of us are struggling to get by and even a basic stripped down car is expensive, you've clearly got a family that can support you so take advantage of it; you can make it on your own in the long run, don't worry about your parents money.

    I seriously don't get the whole fear of Euroboxes though, my favorite kind of cars! At that price I would have been looking at a nice BMW or a Porsche :lol:.
     
  8. starfish

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    Wow, this a big change from when you started posting here.

    I think it is good you are learning to take care of yourself.

    When I was a kid we weren't poor, but lower middle class. My dad worked hard and taught us to do the same. I'm thankful that he did.

    I put myself through college and knowing how to take care of my has proved invaluable. I have a successful career that I enjoy and am very good at. Those lessons I learned as a kid, are why I am so good at what I do.

    My Dad now makes really good money. He has lamented that he could not afford for us to live in better area, or pay for my college. He has offered several times to give me money or buy me things. I refused to take it, as I didn't earn it, he did.

    I may be bragging a bit, but I am proud of where I came from and what I've accomplished.

    You are starting out on building your life, and in 10, 15 years I think you'll be glad to be able to look back and know you earned it.
     
  9. Gen

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    I think that added mocking tone in this thread is unnecessary.

    Alexander comes from a fairly wealthy from what we can all assume. On the outside, it may seem like his is being childish and ungrateful for the things he has, and maybe that may have been the case in the past, but that is not the situation here. He had a very expensive car. He gets into an accident. Decides he doesnt want to drive around in a flashy, attention drawing car and asks his parents not to by him another one, and yet they still do.

    Any reasonable teenager knows that they should not be driving around in 100,000 dollar cars. That is like sending a elementary school child to school with diamonds and Ipads. Forget the money, it is not safe to garner that much attention in public. Not to mention, many people wouldnt want to be that flashy. So for that people that would love that "Escalade", good for you, but please be respectful and empathetic enough to see why Alex may not want his parents to constantly throw money at him. Its has nothing to do with ego or independence, if he doesnt want to drive around in a money bag then his decision should be respected. If he wasnt trying to be mature and responsible, he would have thrown a tantrum rather than simply asking them to give it to another family friend for her birthday.

    There are members on this site who are richer than most, more attractive than most, etc, and we should be able to consider their issues and annoyances with the same consideration we give to those dealing with issues we may consider more important.
     
    #9 Gen, Mar 14, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2013
  10. Ridiculous

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    Alexander... I am your father (and mother)...



    Sorry.
     
  11. Alexander69

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    Thank you! I'm not trying to be a brat I'm saying I'm upset BECUASE my parents have disrespected me and what I asked them to do. I had a Mercedes that I crashed. I've had the most expensive things money can buy as honestly I don't want to be a shallow dickwad anymore. I want to have real friends have a real realtionship I don't want people befriending me for money or for vacations they are not what I want in my life. I just want to be normal. Meet a great guy have real friendships. I know I will never have a real realtionship with my parents they are obsessed with money and appearance.
     
  12. Naren

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    ^ That

    But that comment she made seems rather mean

    Edit: Not mocking you, just so you know. I'm great friends with a really rich guy.
     
  13. Alexander69

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    It's not mean its rather rude and uncalled for.
     
  14. starfish

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    An important thing to remember is that you have rejected their lifestyle.

    Folks usually take that personally, and may react strongly. They usually take it as you saying they are wrong and get defensive. So basically they are trying to draw you back in, and start attacking your choices.

    As I've said in other threads sometimes the child parent relationship is reversed. Sometimes you have to help them grow.

    It is important to remember you are not saying they are wrong, just their lifestyle is not the one for you. So have patience with them, and remember they also have a right to pick their lifestyle, even if you disagree with it. Their choice is just as valid as yours. Buying expensive cars is part of that lifestyle. So be respectful, and if you decide be polite when declining their gifts. In my experience they way to teach others is to be a positive example.

    Just remember there are no shortcuts and growth takes time.
     
  15. Minx

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    First off, I'm a guy. :lol: :grin:



    Secondly, my comment is rather tame.

    I don't see how giving a gift constitutes being "Ridiculous."

    Parents (some) spoil their children by any means that they can. If they have money, well that's the route it goes.

    This car shouldn't be able to deteriorate all the progress you've made.

    Are they disrespecting you? Well, no. They are however, disregarding your wishes. It's not like they're forcing you to live their accustomed lifestyle. (i.e. getting you fired from work, bribing your friends to leave you alone, etc.)

    It's not a serious problem if it isn't going to deter you from being independent. (As you've stated being determined to remain so.) The flaw is theirs and they'll just have to learn to let you be.

    Hence the 'first world problem' term. :slight_smile:

    Until they start cruelly undermining your will, I don't see the purpose of putting energy into something you could shrug off, as your folks seem set in their ways.

    Best of luck though, I admire your tenacity.
     
  16. TSN2012

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    You and I, we are completely the opposite. XDD I want a European car SO BADD and I asked my dad if I can have one (and my dad is not even Bill Gates or Warren Buffet or anything like that). :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:P I'm not one of those kids who starts to scream and shout if they don't get what they want though (like those dumb teenagers you see on Sweet 16). I was just like "Hey dadd, you know the new BMW is such an awesome car, did you see it?! And it has AIR BAGS too which make it really safe!!!" (as if other cars don't have airbags :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:) Of course, I didn't expect to get the car I was talking about and only asked him in a jokingly manner (although I secretly wish he would actually get one for me, secretly :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:). And guess what! I really ended up getting a BMW, a second-hand 13-years-old BMW which I'm completely happy about, hehehe. In fact, I would be happy with anything that he bought me because sure having a nice car is nice but in the end a car is just a car and some people can't even afford a house to live in. We have to be grateful with what we have.

    But hey! Be happy that you got a Cadi! I understand your situation (kind of, i guess? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:) but there are many people who would be dying to get a Cadi or something similar! (like me, for instance, and that probably makes me sound so shallow hahaha).
     
    #16 TSN2012, Mar 15, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2013
  17. Chip

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    To those who posted in this thread and accused Alexander of being ungrateful or of having "first world problems":

    Do you not fucking get it? Alexander is trying really hard to be his own person, earn his own money, and reject the shallow, phony, bullshit existence his mother and father are trying to force on him. In the time since he's been at EC, he has made incredible strides to be more genuine, more open and vulnerable, and to understand and relate to people who live and work in the real world.

    His shallow, materialistic parents who don't know their asses from a hole in the ground went completely against his wishes to live a more austere life and bought him -- without discussing it with him, or giving him any options -- a ridiculous, gaudy, $100,000 car that is neither what he wants, what he needs, or even remotely appropriate for the person Alexander is trying to become.

    Instead of accusing him of having first-world problems, or telling him he's wrong to not accept what they gave him, we should be encouraging him for standing up to his parents and being his own person.

    Alexander could easily sit on his ass and do nothing, have money showered at him for absolutely anything he could want... but he realizes that his parents are completely out of touch, selfish, shallow, materialistic, and basically complete pieces of crap that have no concept of living in the real world. He doesn't really want to be like that any more. So instead of criticizing him, support him in trying to become the person he wants to be.

    Alexander, I think you've handled this well. The simplest solution is basically what you've already done... to say "I appreciate the gesture, but this isn't at all what I want, nor is it what I can afford to put gas in, insure, or maintain. You may not agree with my beliefs, but I'm an adult, and I'd appreciate it if you'd respect my views."

    They may never get it, and your mom, in particular, since she's (by your own account) a golddigger who started out pretty low income, will never get it, because she's basically a very broken, unhappy, shallow, materialistic person who apparently has absolutely no concept of empathy or people. But that doesn't stop you from being who you want to be.

    You are making amazing strides in understanding yourself and the world around you better. Don't let anyone derail you. The progress you're making is amazing.
     
  18. agonizingnose

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    Well put friend.
     
  19. FemCasanova

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    I think your parents misunderstood your initial request Alexander, and that they didn`t purposefully disrespect your wishes. I hope your reply was that you are grateful for the things they have given you, but you want to be able to get by on your own legs, and a car that expensive is going to be impossible for you to afford and maintain. If that was not your response, let them calm down a little, and try to tell your father this in a calm way, so that he understands that you are only wanting to be independent, not rejecting. Inserting an "I love you" will help as well.

    You really are a nice guy, who I am confident is going to reach every goal you set for yourself, and I realize that it`s not easy having to be the "sensible one" every time when that should be your parent. You and I come from very different situations, my family has always struggled with money, and never had enough, but we are similar in that we both had to take responsibility and change, which got sabotaged by our parents. We`ve both had to be "the sensible and realistic one" and had our parents work against that, so although I also get a knee jerk reaction at the rejection of an item to that price, I realize that regardless of the dissimilar situation, you are experiencing this as difficult, because your parents are not allowing you the space and limitations you need to grow into the person you want to be. They don`t get it, and when parents don`t get stuff they have a tendency of trying to make us feel bad about it. Ignore it, but try to be understanding, and I am sure in time your father will grow to respect your attitude, when he gets over the initial hurt that you are rejecting his gift. He simply do not understand, and it`s hard for a parent to not understand their child and what he/she is going through. Communicating calmly with him might help. Like Chip I think you have come far, I really think you are on the right track, so don`t let them dissuade you on your path to grow independent and happy about your life and where it is headed!

    *Big hug!*

    And ignore the negative comments in here, people often speak hastily without fully understanding the situation, and then they often get it wrong.
     
    #19 FemCasanova, Mar 15, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2013
  20. Alexander69

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    Thank you chip and femcasanova. I could have easily gone "oh mommy I love it" and that would have been the end of it but I don't want this life style. Maybe the odd gift on my birthday or Christmas but they are doing this to get me back to te life I was living. They will bribe me with anything money clothes cars vacations anything it's absurd. And it's not that I don't like the car I like it it's just not the type of message I want to send off to people when they first see me.

    Tell me this everyone, you see me I'm wearing GUCCI, Louis Vuitton, Prada, true religion everything and I'm driving an escalade..... What would your first thoughts be about me?