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22 Things Happy People Do Differently

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by BudderMC, Mar 20, 2013.

  1. BudderMC

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  2. Ticklish Fish

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    no. i am not coming out even if it depresses me lol
     
  3. I agree with many of these.

    I feel like some of this is implicit in a few of the goals here, but it's never stated outright--and this is one of the things I try to do that makes me so much happier...

    Liking my own company is really important. If I can't be happy by and with myself, my relationships will suffer. How can I expect anyone else to want my company if I don't even want to spend time with me?
     
  4. Mogget

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    While I agree that meditation is an excellent practice, it does not still the mind. The brain is an organ for pumping thoughts, just as the heart is an organ for pumping blood. You can slow the rate of thought-pumping, you can learn not to be distracted by your thoughts, but the thoughts will come.
     
  5. PurpleRain

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    Bookmarked! Definitely going to try this as I come out. I'm tired of feeling miserable. Thank you for this it may have just made my week! :grin:
     
  6. Chip

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    That isn't necessarily so. One of the goals of at least Tibetan buddhist meditation is to learn to still the mind. In the early stages, the thoughts come and you learn not to be distracted, but the people that have been practicing for years get very good at completely stilling the mind. It is a great goal, but it is one that takes a lot of practice.

    As far as the list as a whole, it's a really good list and incorporates most of what Dr Brené Brown's research has identified as the guideposts to wholehearted living.

    No one's rushing you. But if you want to be happy, it's going to be absolutely necessary, eventually, to come out. Otherwise, you live an inauthentic life trying to be someone you're not, and that's a recipe for low self esteem and unhappiness. So instead of saying "I'm not"... maybe think about saying "I'm not yet ready" :slight_smile:
     
  7. photoguy93

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    You can't "still" the mind, because then you'd be brain dead and we don't want that! But, meditation tries to calm the mind. Beginners in meditation are taught to think of happy, tranquil places and push those other thoughts out. So, figuratively, I guess, it does still the mind. It's a wonderful practice. The people who say it doesn't work are usually the ones who really could use it. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    ---------- Post added 20th Mar 2013 at 11:15 AM ----------

    A few years back, I would have said "this stuff is just silly."

    Now, I fully understand the benefits. I was reading through the list going "yeah.... makes sense." We probably can't do it all at once... but we can sure try to live a happier, healthier life.
     
  8. Devious Kitty

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    The article seems to originate from a self-help site, which makes me fairly skeptical from the outset. It's not that I have anything against the idea of methods of helping oneself or doing things on one's own. Rather I have an aversion to the multibillion dollar self-help industry which is basically a market of people claiming that they can make you happier or more successful if you just buy their book or dvd/take their classes (only to find that the stuff there is either obvious, stuff that you can find online for free, or often blatantly pseudoscientific concepts that have no support or backing and may rather contribute to harming individuals who may need real help.)

    With that said there is a good amount of truth to the article. It is for example fairly well known that exercise, eating healthy, social interaction and many other things can contribute to happiness and improve things like anhedonia. Some other things here aren't so helpful and are overly simplistic. For example "dreaming big" doesn't necessarily make someone more positive. It can in fact have the opposite effect as people may create dreams and expectations that they can't fulfill and result in reduced self-esteem. A much more concerning thing here is that much of these things aren't going to necessarily be at all helpful to someone with depression or similar illnesses.

    If you want to be happier then my recommendation would be to avoid the self-help gurus. Some self-help advice is known to have the opposite effect causing more stress. Find good peer reviewed research (assuming that you are well versed and informed enough to tell the difference) or just go see a therapist. Therapy isn't just for people with mental illnesses. You could benefit regardless of what sorts of issues you may have.

    My very quick recommendations are to eat well, exercise, find supportive friends and groups that you can spend plenty of time with, explore new places, activities and hobbies, and see a good therapist or counselor on occasion.
     
  9. Caudex

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    I take issue with some of these:
    2. I treat strangers and people I like with kindness, but it's really hard to treat the guy who attacked me for no reason other than he was angry and broke two of my bones with kindness.
    5. Dreaming big is a recipe for disappointment. Every night I think how awesome it would be to go to MIT. But there's a 93% chance that dream will be crushed. But if my dream college were Pitzer, that'd be a much more likely dream, and I'd be less likely to be sad about not getting into my dream college.
    6. People who say that don't seem to realize that a lot of small things add up to a big thing. If I turn in all my homework assignments but one, it's fine. But each one is "small stuff," so if I could justify not turning in any, but that would be very bad. And you can't always tell what will be "small stuff" anyway; for instance, if I'm choosing a day to buy a car, whether or not I get it August 21st or 22nd seems pretty unimportant. But if August 21st ends up having a traffic jam and I want to get my new car home and so I go across the median and get arrested, that's a big thing.
    8. So if I get accused of embezzling from my company, but it turns out Fred was doing it through my account to avoid suspicion, I shouldn't say it was him? Excuses are sometimes bad, but not always.
    9. So if I decide to take 50g of cocaine because of the awesome high I'll get now, I shouldn't worry about the future problem of imminent death?
    10. This is true but soooo impractical. I live an hour from my school and so I need to get up at 6:20, but of course on the weekends I sleep in, and it makes me very happy to do that.
    12. This isn't advice. Of course I'm going to try to choose my friends wisely.
    13. Isn't this the entire point of school?
    16. Meditation takes a really long time to achieve, and all the stress I would gain from using an hour on meditation and the ensuing lack of sleep more than makes up for the added "relaxation" I might gain.
    19. Umm, no. What does a "simpler car" even mean? I'll assume it means cheaper. I'd much rather drive a Tesla than a Yaris.
    20. So if Fred's wife asks him if this dress makes her look fat, he should say yes? I wouldn't endorse that strategy.
    21. What the hell is personal control? If it's being your own boss, this is simply wrong. I constantly plague myself with doubt over whether I'm not doing the right thing when I'm my own boss, I much prefer direction and a definite goal.
     
  10. photoguy93

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    I completely agree with you - but a lot of these kinds of things have helped me. And if some people can make some money and maybe make some people happy, then I say - go for it. People aren't happy - if it means creating a billion dollar industry, then ok. Great. Common sense - what is that? We don't have that here in America. :wink:

    Oh, OHHH! I want to ask - does anyone outside of the US follow the self-help industry? Like, is it a big thing outside of the US? Just curious.
     
  11. BudderMC

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    You're reading into these way too much. And arguably with a slightly pessimistic viewpoint.

    Risk/reward. Of all the people in your life you've treated with kindness, how many have broken your bones for it? For all the times you take that risk of being kind, the vast majority of the time it pays off with someone being kind and making you feel good in return ("reward").

    Dreaming big is only a recipe for disappointment if you look at it as a disappointment. Humans like to be challenged and like to feel accomplished. If you never aim big, there's never a challenge. The fact that you're focusing on the odds that you won't get in vs. putting that effort towards getting in speaks for itself.

    I think this refers to the idea that yeah, little crappy things might happen, but you accept it and move on. NOT the idea that yeah, there are little things in your life that may suck, so you should avoid them and risk something worse happening. "Like water off a duck's back".

    If you didn't steal anything, it's not an excuse. That's called "the truth".

    There's still some degree of not making stupid decisions. Worrying about something rational and legitimate is not the same as dwelling on what could happen. The latter causes much more anxiety than the former.

    Depends. It might be easier to do once you're out of school, or live closer to your daily life.

    I'm pretty sure choosing good friends is a good piece of advice...

    No, the point of school (should be) is education. You know, learning things to broaden your mind? Unfortunately school is an institution and is consequently subject to inherent flaws, but I digress.

    If you're stressing out over meditation, maybe you're not doing it correctly. To me, meditating is about clearing your mind, focusing on the present moment, and not thinking about well, anything. Doing something like counting/breathing meditation gives you something to focus on (as others have said, having a "still" mind is essentially impossible).

    Simple = less complex. Doesn't mean cheaper. Just might mean less extravagant or having less added bits just for the sake of adding bits. Simple also means less things for your mind to process... generally causing you less cognitive load (i.e. stress).

    You'd say something like "I don't think it's as flattering on you as X." You can tell the truth without being a dick about it. Lying does stress people out as you have two stories to keep track of: the truth and the lie. That's twice (if not more) the cognitive load you'd otherwise have - more stress.

    You can set your own direction and definite goal, you know.
     
  12. starfish

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    I agree with the less stuff. I have a bit for a horder complex. I've come to realize that all of this clutter is bumming me out. There is stuff all over and I am always worried about it. I've recently decided to start clearing it out. I don't use most of it anyway.

    My goal is over the next 12 months to get down to all of my stuff fitting in a u-haul trailer.

    When I was last on vacation, I realized that between my laptop bag and suitcase I had everything I really cared about in the world. Now of course I really need a little more stuff that, but not much more.
     
  13. Convoy

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    It means no cupholders, ever. I have no cup holders in my small European style car. WHYYY.

    I should go back to 8 tracks and AM radio, my stereo is too complex (Actually it's failing, I guess that could be stress since I have to rewire it, except I like the work).

    To be honest though I like a good stripped down ride that focuses on the core handling, but nothing beats some good comfy features when you have to go on a ride across the country. I'd go crazy sitting in a silent car for 12 hours + (Which I'll be doing soon).

    I just try and take pleasure in the little things, it's all I can do now to get though the day. But I'll stop, my natural pessimist would challenge all of these but I'm not a really happy person :eusa_doh:.
     
  14. Devious Kitty

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    It's not really all that big anywhere outside of the US. It's pretty much just a US phenomena, although I believe it has some small following in parts of Europe.

    My point is that for the most part the self-help industry is a scam. I have no issue with industries that make a bunch of money and are actually productive. The problem is that its for the most part not at all based on anything actually scientific or shown to be beneficial or to work. It's for the most part just a bunch of gurus making money.

    I approve of methods of making people happy, assuming that there is evidence that they actually make people happy. I don't approve of the self-help industry, as I see it as more harmful than anything. A few links:

    SHAM Scam: Scientific American

    Oliver Burkeman - How to Become Slightly Happier - YouTube
     
  15. newdown

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    Number 10 seems oddly out of place.
     
  16. Beware Of You

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    Number 22 is a big one, 100% true.

    I wasn't happy until I accepted that I am gay and there is nothing I can ever do to change it