Dear Abby yesterday - Sad

[beckyg]

By Abigail Van Buren
Tue Mar 25, 7:58 PM ET

DEAR ABBY: I am struggling with the question of whether or not to reveal a confidence made more than two years ago. My boyfriend at the time, "Jerry," revealed to me that he was gay. We remained friends, but I moved on and started dating someone else.

Jerry never confided his secret to anyone else and, eventually feeling overcome with depression, took his own life. Jerry told me more than once that he knew how his parents would feel if he told them he was gay. He saw the way they snickered when they saw a gay couple. They made it very clear to him that they didn't think it was normal. Jerry was sure, seeing the way his parents viewed gay people, that this was how he, too, would be viewed.

His parents are now blaming me for the fact that Jerry took his own life. They say it was because we broke up. Would it be selfish of me to tell them the truth -- that THEY are the real reason? Or should I continue to keep his secret? -- HIS BEST FRIEND, ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR BEST FRIEND: You should reveal that your friend told you he was gay and was worried about how his parents would accept it. However, when you tell them, do not expect them to believe you. It will be far easier for them to continue pointing the finger at you than to accept that they had a role in their son's suicide.

[Trumpetplyer23]

That is very very sad.

Not only the fact that he took his life is sad, but that fact that he felt that his parents wouldn't accept him is sad as well

Its hard to believe that there are parents out there that won't accept their childern for whom they are. Then something like this comes and slaps you in face and makes you realize that it does happen. I feel bad for him as well as the writer of this letter. Neither of them should have felt (or feel) that they should have to hide.

[beckyg]

Yeah and you wonder how much of his thoughts were irrational. I don't ever want that to happen to any of you guys. There are people here at EC to help you get through this.

[Trumpetplyer23]

This is going to be a weird comparison, but bear with me.

Becky, you're like the mother of someones best friend. You're kind of like the person everyone looks up to like their mother when they find it hard to look up to their own mother.

I hope my point got across clearly, its kind of weird how I tried to express it, but I think you catch my drift.

[heatqueen]

Aww that is so sad...

[Lexington]

I actual question the advice given, though. I wouldn't bother telling them. They already blame her for "killing" their son. Telling them the truth would just look like she's "smearing his good name" in order to deflect the blame onto something else. These parents obviously are so deep in denial that a crane couldn't dredge them out.

Lex

[Jerr]

Ok... It is really weird seeing this seeing how the choice fake name was... my name...

It's saddening. I wish this had come out before the speech. I would have loved to put something about that in there... well I can inform people of this story and make sure others know just how much their opinion can matter to their loved ones.

[lostinthought9]

hey---that was in our local newspaper, in the "Dear Abby" Section, and when i read it, I thought, wow, it's ashamed that that guy had to turn to suicide....so sad...