"Don't mind the lesbians, hate the gay men"

No I haven't come across it but I find it ill informed and silly.

Also REAL lesbians are not lesbians to entertain men....

 

Strangely I've found it to be the other way around; a lot of women saying they do not mind gay men, but hate lesbians. It mostly seems to be rooted in a lack of awareness and a dose of ignorance, with a great deal of misplaced worry that simply by sitting next to a lesbian they'll somehow catch "the gay". To be fair, these same people also think they can catch "black" if they become involved in interracial relationships, so they're not exactly the best study group.

I have found a few men who do think that gay men are disgusting and lesbians are fine, but there are specific requirements in order for the lesbians to be fine. They must not be butch, they must not mind being sexualised by men, and they must be attractive. Generally. One or two do not mind lesbians at all until they start to move in on the women they fancy, then it all hits the fan.

 

All the time. Most of the few homophobes that I do think that way. It's stupid.

 

I wonder if there's a gender pattern, with men being more anti-gay and women more anti-lesbian?

If so, my guess is they're afraid of a homosexual being attracted to them in particular.

Also, I think gay men have it worse because feminism worked so hard to liberate women from gender roles, and men's roles haven't been challenged as much. Think of girls wearing pants versus boys wearing dresses. Used to be both were about equally taboo.

 

Exactly! My dad thinks I'm lesbian because I want to impress men :eusa_doh:

 

*sigh* Peeeooopppllleee... :dry:

 

My dad and I sometimes watch Ellen together, and he'll mention things like, "She's cool, too bad her wife is kind of reserved. I can't stand those fudge packers though."
..I can't stand my dad's illogicality.

 

I agree with Ettina’s words.
In high school I saw a few girls distance themselves when I started spending my time with the bi-girls. But if I was away from them or just with the guys of the group one of my friends at the time would spend time with me again, especially if she wanted to ditch first period. She even asked me why I spent time with them when they were “weird”. I took it to mean the way they dressed (which in all honesty matched most of the school) but I think she meant the affection and such. She was uncomfortable with girls displaying affection to girls, especially if the girls looked her way, but fine watching the guys hug it out.

 

Hint: these kinds of people don't really like lesbians either. They just want to watch them have sex or try to have a threesome.

 

Like some posters above, I've found that the men don't like gays and the women don't like lesbians. Think they're scared they're gonna get hit on or something. Also that whole men perving over lesbian thing I find really offensive, to the point where it actually makes me quite angry. Then if you tell them it's not for their benefit they get all bitter and twisted about it. Once, when somebody I know told a man that he wasn't wellcome to come and join in, he said, 'fuck off then you stupid dyke. It's only because you can't get a man anyway', which was a bit silly, since he was offering himself not ten seconds previously. So there's another reason, resentment and feeling threatened.

 

Yep. It's disturbing to me, so I don't know why you would call this being liked.

 

I guess any form of acceptance is better than no acceptance. Although, as pointed out by another, the acceptance can rapidly disintegrate when it becomes clear that you're not interested in fulfilling their fantasy. Depending on the people. Some people are lovely, other people are not so lovely.

 

I think it's more to do with a gender thing. You're basing this assumption on a male, yet I have a comparison from a female perspective.

I have two female friends that are aware I'm bisexual and really cool with it. They've never, ever expressed any homophobia to me at all, yet I have heard them direct homophobia to a lesbian that we all know.

The lesbian was just casually brought up in normal conversation, and one of my friends happens to be in her art class. She then started saying stuff like 'oh my god, it's gunna be so awkward, I'm gunna have to avoid her non stop', and my other friend then started agreeing and literally said 'I'd be scared if I was you'. I was sat there in horror, because they're some of my closest friends being so fucking homophobic right infront of me. Of course, I confronted them and they explained their views as followed:

- They're scared that this 'friendship' with a lesbian will turn into an awkward one way encounter where the lesbian falls in love, and they have to deal with that.

- They find the idea of vaginal sex repulsive. They continually said that it's disgusting and it doesn't work.

- They wouldn't know what to talk about; they both said they thought lesbians would have wildly different interests to them

- They where scared that blokes may try and get them to do stuff together.

- They couldn't have a 'normal' female - female friendship, specifically said that they would both find it awkward talking about sex/relationships/periods (really, wtf. I didn't even know girls had in depth conversations about periods, but both of them said it lol)/boyfriends/who they think is cute etc


Basically, all the bullshit stuff that homophobes usually justify their stance on. However with my arguing, one of them turned round and said they where sorry and that their point of view was wrong, so progress was made! (the other one though was adamant, and still remains homophobic towards lesbians :/)

Anyway, the point I was making, it isn't just straight guys who find lesbians okay. Straight girls find gay men okay, but are apparently very misinformed when it comes to lesbians. I mean, my whole story you could replace the gender nouns and lesbian to gay, and it's basically a discussion as to why straight men are homophobic towards gay men.

tl : dr, it questions their own sexuality, and we live in a culture where every body desperately clings to filling the 'heterosexuality' box. It's sad, but in my honest opinion, it's true. That's why homophobia usually occurs in same sex interaction and doesn't cross over; straight men aren't (usually) threatened by lesbians, and straight women aren't (usually) threatened by gay men. However, straight men are (usually) threatened by gay men, and straight women are (usually) threatened by lesbians. It's only once you educate the ignorant and make them realize that there is no threat, and only then, once the homophobia disappears.

 

People could just be threatened by homosexuality and this could be in different degrees depending on how they percieve this threat to be. Especially if that person is of the same sex, it seems more likely but a lack of statistics on my end makes this statement somewhat redundant.

 

I completely agree with it being due to the porn industry. So many straight guys watch lesbian porn because apparently it's hot when two chicks make out, that they build up the idea that lesbians are lesbians for men, like myheartincheck said. The difference is that there is no way that two guys making out would interest the main porn demographic (straight men), so they shun us. I don't know whether this should be considered more offensive to gays or lesbians.

 

I don't like the, so called lesbian porn, that is made by men. There's something about watching two heavily made up girls pretending to enjoy fingering eachother in some seedy hotel room that doesn't really turn me on. Most of the girls in those things don't look like they're into it at all, I seriously doubt that they're even lesbians. Also, the thought that there is some pervy bloke with an erection holding the cammera, getting off while filming makes me feel sick.So yeah, the whole men getting off on lesbians thing really gets my goat.

---------- Post added 25th Mar 2013 at 01:30 PM ----------

*so called, lesbian porn* Punctuation mistake there... sorry.

 

I know too many people like that.. its annoying.. Ik..

 

Well, my dad told me that he didn't like lesbians, but thought they were still better than gay men. Just speaking about ignorance leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
However, being an anime nerd, I see tons of yaoi male/male series and OVAs on youtube that are full of pretty boys. The commenters are 99% girls who find gay men hot and lesbians weird. It goes both ways.