How Close Are You With Your Family?

never had a good family life so coming out was kinda like this
parents: you need to grow up and find a man have a kid and stop being a child
me: you know what ive been living on my own, working, putting myself through high school , im gonna graduate no thanks to you ... oh and by the way im a lesbian and i don't give a :***: what you think of it
Parents: get the :***: out of this house you ungrateful , sinful, whore and you are never to talk to us again
yeah that was a fun day

 

I am close to my brothers, i speak to my mum occasionally but i dont speak to my dad. My parents are Asian so maybe the whole Asian-parent's expectations thing (which is very true) has something to do with it. I definitely think my out status has some role in it. I find myself being distant with them, maybe because its because of their possible reactions that i am having so much trouble dealing with my sexuality, and so i resent them for it. This is probably the case with my dad, and also the fact that i think he has always treated me differently from my brothers, as if i achieve less than them (even though i don't). I sometimes feel like he thinks that i am useless. I find myself making choices in the hope that it may make him proud of me. Deep down he probably is, but he doesn't show it. We once drove past a pair of community-support officers, and he said "even *my name* could do their job.... probably". I still hope to gain his approval, but now thats just second order. Couples with the fact that i know that he doesnt think much of gays, i can't wait until i have a place of my own where i don't have to listen to what people say...

 

I'm close with my whole family except with my Dad, since my parents separated. So I rounded it too...

Close!


Anyway...
Every night I was unhappy. My parents arguing and shouting. One night I heard my Dad say he never loved my Mum. I had a meltdown.

With close family, I'm loud and funny, and I'm usually happy. My ex-best friend was my family, in a way. We did everything together and laughed together. He was a friend anyone would want to have. Then he moved abroad. That's why he isn't my 'best' friend anymore.

That's all the experience I know of.

Good luck everyone!

 

My parents and I were close, and we could throw insults at each other in a playful way and just joke around. The real reason we have a bond is because we can throw sarcastic jokes at things or people. I'm the middle child and (generic) I didn't get much attention as a kid, so I was kind of the reckless one they didn't want to bother with. Now that I'm a teen, we were still close, but I could tell we were getting father apart. After coming out...well, they've pretty much changed. We're not that close anymore and they don't talk to me as much unless they need to. If I play around with them like we used to, they'll think I'm just trying to "act gay" and snap at me to stop.

I'm not that close with my sisters either. They both easily side with my parents when we get into arguments and I have a feeling my little sister doesn't really like me; she likes to insult my interests and mocks me whenever she can. My older sister and I don't speak, although she's shown infinite support about my sexuality, and tries to be there when she can. But she values her friends more than she does me, and in the winter, she's left me out way too many times in the cold to deal with her friends' problems.

As for my extended family...we're close, I guess, but I really only have my aunt for real support and she's the only one who's shown concern when I have my troubles. My older cousins kind of pretend I'm not there anymore (I've come out to everyone in my fam at this point) but still act polite here and there. But that's it. It's like I'm a guest when we go to their houses to just hang out. It sort of bothers me that they changed to easily when I haven't done anything to change around them.

So I guess it went from very close to poor within a month.

 

I'm really close to my family and I plan to stay that way. BUT I will have to come out at some point. Probably when my girls are older (I don't want them to lose having grandparents around). That...will not go well.

 

My mother has a lot of issues which sometimes make her harsh, irrational and impossible to live with. Most of the time, though, we get along really well. My dad is amazing, and my sister and I are really close. We're a tight-knit family unit, and we work well together. None of them care about my sexuality at all.

 

Im very close with my mother. Some of my siblings im very close with, but my two eldest sisters I dont see too often. I wouldnt say we have a poor relationship, they just are busy with their lives and families and we rarely hang out. But for the most part I have a very good relationship with my family.

 

This morning they were talking about the "goddam faggots" and how everything was wrong. Yeah, I put probably poor (my connection with them is very little as it is).

 

I'm pretty close with my family. That would be very different if they knew I was gay. They get offended if a gay person so much as turns up on tv. They'd flip if they knew they had one living with them!

 

Probably poor, once I come out. Conservative Christians and all. I keep wishing I could get it over with but honestly the best time for me to come out is years from now.

 

Mine ranges from neutral to poor. I don't really feel connected with any of my family, and when things turn south...their support wavers more than I would like.

 

I am fairly close to my family, aside from my psycho mom.

 

Neutral.

Haven't seen my father or any of his family in years and don't really care to, not out of hatred but, as callous as it sounds, indifference. So that leaves me with my mother's family, who, from my perspective at least, are just emotionally distant in general. Only people I've been close to are my mother, and even my relationship with her is a bit strained at this point, and her mother, who died a few years ago.

Apart from my mother and her sister, who supposedly promised not to mention anything until I was ready, no one knows about my sexuality. Sort of caught between a rock and a hard place, on the one hand I should be working towards being more 'out,' however, nothing against them, they don't mean alot to me and I hate to think of being out to them without already having the support of other people [i.e. friends] I would actually care about one way or the other.

 

I don't really know how to answer. I come from a very tight-knit, stereotypical, first-generation Italian-Australian family, who spends Sundays together and celebrates with overly extravagant dinners and that such. Very Roman Catholic, which is where my problem lies because I'd get slammed with a bible and told that I'm a disgrace to my family name for being a homosexual and trans*. They wouldn't be able to comprehend it. I am close with them, though, but I'm sure if I were to come out.. not so much anymore.

My parents divorced when I was 10, so I've been living with my mum ever since, and she's typically the only family member I see on a daily basis. We're extremely close. She's taught me everything I know (for the most part) while my dad's pretty much out of the picture. My dad and I have an iffy relationship. Sometimes love, other times, pure hatred. I'm neutral towards him for the most part.

I'm the youngest child of the family, but I'm extremely close with my older brother and consider him to my best friend through everything. Without him, I'd be very lonely and sometimes I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I have a half-sister whom I never speak with because she infuriates me to no end. If she were to die, I wouldn't care. I'd probably be happy, as sick as it is to admit.

But, anyway, when it comes to gay things and trans* things, my mother is generally very tolerant and loving, while my father is ignorant. My brother I trust the most, right off the bat when I came out as trans* to him, he started referring to me as his little brother and has been using the right pronouns. The rest of my family, they probably won't know for a very long time. I probably won't come out until my nonna has passed because she'll most likely have a heart attack or shame me instead.

 

Hrm. Not sure about this to be honest. My family issues mostly predate my figuring out I was gay and never really touched on that. Also, some pretty dark stuff here. But Ok, here goes...

My Family: Like my sig says, we're...complicated. My dad was 20yrs older than my mom when they got married. He'd been married twice before and there are kids from the previous two marriages, one from the first (my older brother), three from the second, two of whom were from his second wife's previous marriage (my oldest brother and older sister), and one child they adopted while married (my younger sister, a year younger than me). My mom had me from a previous relationship (Never knew my father. Yup, I really am a bastard ), and I was 8 when they married. While married they had my two youngest sisters, one 10yrs younger than me, the other 14yrs younger. We never did the 'half and step-sibling' thing. They're all just my brothers and sisters. I literally have siblings old enough to be my parents.

Ok, on to the darker stuff. Warning: This isn't going to be fun.

My Dad: During his lifetime, my dad molested two of my sisters, raped his business partner's 20yr old granddaughter, and emotionally abused both my mom and myself for over 10yrs (Ages 8-18 basically. No, he never attempted to molest me - because we all know that question was hanging out there, don't we?). His favorite methods were to give me chores or odd jobs around our property, provide incomplete instructions, and then come back later and tell me how stupid and useless I was because I hadn't 'done it right' (meaning: hadn't read his mind). A particularly fond memory is when he sat me down one fine summer day and spent 30 minutes calmly explaining to me that because I didn't know how to use power tools and build things, the only thing I was good for (and would ever be good for) was shoveling shit (we had several barns and mucking out was one of my chores). That he'd never once tried to show me how to use said tools or get me interested in such work was beside the point. He was also a big fan of passive aggression, leaving us at motels in Anchorage while he went and ran around shopping or whatnot, or leaving us to sit in the car while he went in to his business partners gas station for coffee after we'd all been on the road for hours driving home from the city. If we defied him, he would take something of ours and hide it, often never to be seen again.

Oh, and when he wasn't doing all that he basically defrauded several banks, using the same piece of land as collateral for loans from multiple institutions. He managed to wipe out my college fund (such as it was) somewhere in there as well.

My Mom: My mom and I were (and are) very close. She's a very independent sort, had her own airplane and pilot's license before she learned to drive a car, built a cabin on her own, had a sled dog team and her own gun (this is Alaska after all). She's always said that when I was conceived she told my father that he'd served his purpose and could go now. Never been sure if she's joking or not. When my grandparents retired to the lower 48 she decided to move to Hawaii (she was tired of snow). She stopped to visit my grandparents on the way and ended up staying. When she started corresponding with my dad, a major consideration was apparently that I should have a father in my life (good plan Mom)

When my parents were first married, my mom was really conditioned to the whole 'the good little wife who doesn't push back' thing. So she didn't say much or anything when my dad would pull crap with me unless he did something extreme (like throwing rocks at me for not wanting to climb up on an unstable structure for a picture during a family vacation the first year they were married). Then both my parents got into the New Age (the pseudo religion thing - crystals and ley lines and pyramid power and all that jazz). They wanted to turn our home into a 'center' where other believers could come to study and began hosting large groups of people for weekend workshops and such. When I objected my Mom (who was pretty deep into it by this point) told me if I didn't like it I could go live somewhere else, maybe with my grandparents or something). Shortly after that she had her first nervous breakdown and end up committed to the state mental hospital and later a private facility for several weeks.

Myself (probably 13 or 14 at the time) and my second youngest sister (youngest at the time) ended up being cared for by some of the New Agers who were staying with us at time until my dad's second ex-wife (who I am friends with to this day) arranged for her husband to come get us and bring us into Anchorage. My grandparents flew up from the states and we visited my Mom in the institution. She was drugged to the eyebrows, was having delusions that I had been electrocuted and killed, and didn't recognize me when she saw me. Good times.

Before this all went down, one of the hippy-dippies that had been staying with my parents went to the local church in our town (very right wing fundamentalist Christians they are there) and asked the entire congregation to pray for what was going on out at our place. This didn't go over well, even less so when the rumor mill got a grip on my Mom's breakdown. While we were gone there was apparently serious discussion about burning us out as witches...

Eventually my Mom got better and came home. The whole 'center' thing went away and so did the rumors. But my mom started pushing back against my dad's abuse. He responded by telling her she was going crazy again every time she pushed back (lots of screaming fights here). I was growing up by then and got bigger than him. Overheard him say he was scared of me once (he was a bully and a coward) and my senior year had a chance to demonstrate to him that he had a right to be scared. It didn't get to actual blows although one of my few regrets in life is that it didn't. I could have hurt him really badly...probably should have.

I went off to college and started dealing with the notion that people might like me even if I wasn't like everyone else (I was never even close to popular in school, but that's a whole different story). That was stressful. I had serious anger issues...

My mom had her second nervous breakdown while I was in college. I didn't have the money to come home and had to get any news over the phone. This time they figured out she was manic depressive and put her on meds. Not before my roommates of the time tried to get me to move out because I wasn't 'happy' anymore. That didn't end well for them, but I got to keep the apartment.

My mom got out of the hospital again and went through some interesting stuff before they finally got her meds balanced. For a long time it's like she wasn't quite all there. She also found out that my dad had been molesting my second youngest sister (he had molested my older sister during his second marriage but my mom didn't find that out until after they were married and he convinced her he was reformed. He was very charismatic when he wanted to be and she was naive). She threw him out of the house for a while but was then talking about him moving back because she was out of it on the drugs and was afraid she'd have another breakdown.

I did get to see her when I went home for Xmas, but that was also when my dad informed us it was his house and he was moving back in. We (my Mom, my two youngest sisters, and myself) spent that Xmas break in a motel room until it was time for me to leave. My dad eventually backed down and then they were talking about selling the house and leaving the state (yes, together).

All that stopped when my dad raped his business partner's 20yr old granddaughter. He ended up taking off for Canada and she first committed herself to that private institution for a bit and then moved into Anchorage. With my dad out of the picture our lives got so much calmer. Although he eventually came back - but he had much less of an impact by that point. And eventually he sank into senile dementia and died alone in the state old folks home. I was in a meeting at work when I got the news. I just went back to the meeting and was fine with that. Anyway.

All of this contributed to my not thinking it was all that big of a deal when I figured out I was gay. On a scale of 1-10 on the stress-o-meter, liking sex with dudes and defying the expectations of the majority of society pretty much felt like a 3. Maybe a 2. That and my thought right after I figured it out 'Well, of course one of us kids had to turn out to be gay. It's the only thing that hasn't happened yet.'

My mom is much better now and we continue to be very close and talk regularly. I try to get home every couple of years to see them. I love my family very much. I also live a 12hr plane ride away from most of my them and I'm fine with that too.

Anyway, I'm sure this has gone on much too long already. Sorry. Like it says on the tin - I'm...complicated.

Todd

 

Tragic.

My Mom is a good woman and honestly damn-near perfect when it comes to Business but she doesn't really know how to be "Emotionally Aware" and prefers being Cold to "keep up appearances." Although she taught me just about all of my practical skills, she is one of the reasons, if not the main, that I suffer from low self-esteem.

My Dad is a good man and honestly a "true citizen of the world" never having hesitated to assist someone no matter what others thought or said. Unfortunately, he suffers from Heroism and is very gullible/naive as a result.

My Sisters are good women and good mothers. They do their damnedest to make the best of what they have and try to do right by their kids. I have my beef with them but they don't have time to notice. :lol:

Myself, I am the fucked up one. :lol: The one that is so messed up but noone can seem to figure out why. The weird one that honestly you don't pay much attention to because it's not like he says anything worth hearing anyways. The stupid one that god knows can't do anything right. The pathetic one that can't seem to keep his emotions in check and always wear them on his sleeve. The obviously worthless one since his own father never taught him anything or saw the need to and never tried to hold a conversation with him. The "good" one as long as i'm not thinking for myself since and I quote, from my mother's own mouth, "You are one of those people who can help others but can't help yourself. That's just how it goes."

I remember when I figured out how old my mom was when she had me, since I figured out my eldest sister is nearly 15 years older than me and my second eldest sister is 9 years older than me, and once I did I asked her about it. She told me that I "snuck up on them." I always took that as maybe I wasn't supposed to exist and now that I do, my life is always going to be a series of "Almosts." And this was just between the ages of 7-11. :lol:


Now when I think about it. If God truly exists :rolle:, it can be very much cruel. :bang:

 

I left home at seventeen and never spoke to my dad again. he is deceased. I spoke with my mom twice. She is deceased. I have spoken to my brother once since the time I left and that was once to many. The only family member I actually cared about or mourned was my fathers sister my sweet queer aunt. She was an angel.