My boss outed me to a known homophobic client

Ok, this is going to be kind of long, so bear with me. I work as a direct caregiver to handicapped and special needs people. My job is to go into their homes and help them try to live as normal a life as possible through assistance. I am officially "out of the closet" to everyone at work except this one client who has a brain injury. The reason I have not come out to him is that he is racist, homophobic, and a chauvinist. The best way to sum up his attitude is to say he would fit in very well at Westboro Baptist Church. When I first started working with him he would only say negative things about others to himself or in his home. When we were out in the community he pretended to be nice. Since I only had a two hour shift with him once a week I did not have that hard of a time managing his negativity.

Fast forward to four years later. He has tried multiple times to commit suicide throughout the years and has became increasingly negative to the point that he has no social filter. His smoking and drinking habits have deteriorated his health to where he is now also on oxygen. Needless to say he blames the world for his problems and hates everything in it. The other staff had enough of his negativity and have dropped him; thus increasing my work hours with him from two to five, as well as adding him as a Friday shift to my schedule. I could handle two hours; but ten hours a week with Archie Bunker cranked to eleven is very mentally draining and I too now wanted out. However, my boss has denied my request to leave my client on two separate occasions on the basis that "I am one of the few people who could work with him and provide him stability. If I left him he would downward spiral into suicide again which would not be in his best interests.". Basically my boss was strong arming me through guilt to continue working with this client. He encouraged me to "understand" how hard the clients life is and to "try to continue to do my job."

I have really tried to be understanding these last 2 months; but I simply can not work with him anymore. Having to be in "guy mode" to such a high degree, on top of working that long with such a negative person was taking a toll on me mentally. I had enough and went to the coordinator (who is higher than my boss) and explained the situation. The coordinator said that she would find me a replacement and that she would tell the client that I had to leave due to circumstances outside of my control. The coordinator also said to not worry about my boss as she would explain to him that as a trans* it was not in the best interest that I work with this particular client anymore. I requested that she specifically tell my boss not to mention that I was trans* to the client in any way. I've known this client for so long that even the thought of me being trans* or gay would send him into an alcohol driven depression.

When he found out that one of my fellow co-workers was gay he fired the person on the spot and ended up in the hospital from over-drinking. He felt guilty letting "one of those people" into his life and was upset that "a fag defiled his home". This was over a year ago; so seeing how his mental capacity has further dwindled since then I feared for his safety if he even heard word of such a thing. I wanted to leave the client thinking I was pulled for being over-hours. He could cope with that much better than a "trans* bombshell". While he was a complete jerk I still felt that as a DSP it was my job to leave him in the best mental health possible. That and I somewhat bonded with him over time and do feel sorry that his life is such a train-wreck. Well, after I talked to the coordinator I then texted my boss and apologized for going over his head. I went on to explain my reasons for doing so and how the client was negatively affecting my mental health. I also texted that I wanted to leave the client without him knowing about me transitioning as I knew that it would cause him great mental distress. My boss reassured me that the client did not know and that everything was ok.

This was last Friday; now let us fast forward to today. I walk in to work with my client and notice that he is very withdrawn and depressed. I ask what is wrong and he asked me "are you getting any surgeries done?". I told him "no, not anytime soon. Why?". He then says "Well, Ron (the boss) said a bunch of wild shit to me that I just couldn't believe.". He then tells me that my boss told him I was leaving in 2 weeks to get a sex change and that I was changing my name to an obscure female version of my male name (which my boss knows is untrue as it is well known that I am changing it to Vanessa). He also said that I came out to everyone at work except the client because I knew he wouldn't understand, that I always wear a dress in public, and that I paint my nails and strip them before coming to work my shift with the client. He even went as far as to say "I have even seen [boy name] at Wal-Mart working with other clients in a dress". This, as I predicted, greatly upset and confused my client. Oh, it gets worse...

In the middle of my debunking that I am trans* my boss calls up the client. Both me and the client were angry at Ron (I was for being so violated while my client felt Ron crossed the slander line in calling me trans*); so my client answered the phone, put in on speaker phone, then lied and said I was in the bathroom. Here's exactly how the conversation went.

Ron: Did [boy name] show up to his shift on time?
Client: Yeah, he did.
Ron: You didn't tell him anything did you?
Client: Nah, I didn't say anything.
Ron: Good. This will be our secret. I was told not to say anything, but I felt that you should know if someone like that was working with you. He'll be gone in 2 weeks, so you won't have to worry about having someone like him around anymore.
Client: Don't worry, it's our secret. Hold on, he's coming out of the bathroom.
Ron: Remember that I said nothing. *hangs up*

I was completely shocked by the whole thing. I was almost in tears shaking in anger. I told the client that I had to step outside for a bit to get some air. I then called my coordinator and told her everything about what was said. She told me to immediately leave the shift and return home. In a fit of rage I then called my boss demanding answers. He is now denying everything and said "the client must have just picked it up from someone else.". So now I'm officially pulled from my Wednesday morning shifts and ensnared in a huge HR incident. There is a wild whirlwind of emotions and thoughts going on in my head right now. I feel so violated. :tears: