Alright so I started online dating a bit ago; a week or two ago I went on a date that I actually enjoyed, however I don't think anything's going to come of that. Now during my time on the online dating site, I've tried to be as nice as possible. Unlike most people, I try to respond to everyone who messages me, and agree to go on a date with anyone who asks...and yet I am miserable. Today I went on a date with a guy who's quite a bit older, who I didn't feel any physical attraction toward, and who I didn't really feel much connection with on an emotional level either, but he asked me nicely...and while I put a happy face on, it was a rather painful experience. I spent pretty much my entire time checking out cute boys walking by, NYC is filled with them... and basically just felt more alone and helpless than ever despite technically being on a date with someone. Thousands of cute guys out there, thin, young, and gorgeous, but none of them will ever be with me... Now people keep messaging me and stuff, and I just can't do it anymore. I feel like I'm a terrible person, but I'm just going to have to start ignoring people and saying no like everyone else. Ya ya I know "looks aren't everything" but really I feel like I might as well just make everyone else happy and start dating girls if I'm just going to date people I feel no attraction toward. I know exactly what I like in a guy, and if you don't fit it, sorry. :bang: Am I a shallow, horrible person? :icon_sad:
Not at all, internet dating almost forces you to take a marketplace attitude, the multiplicity of choice is a troublesome matter because if you are the least bit unsatisfied with your "choice" you are all too aware of whatever else there is...it can drive one to distraction!
Stop trying to please everyone, especially if doing so makes you miserable. Only go out with people who you actually feel a chance with. Otherwise you and the other person are wasting their own time. Not wanting to go out with certain people does not make you a shallow person, looks are all you really have to go buy on dating sites, internet dating forces you to go by looks.
I agree with what was already said. You are not shallow at all. That's actually the nice thing about looking for people online, I think -- there are so many people, its not like you have to settle for people you find unattractive, physically or personality wise. There is no reason to make yourself feel miserable just because you want to please everyone who messages you. You can just ignore their message, they will understand that they are not your type, and both of you can move on and find people that you are interested in. I wish you luck finding dates that you enjoy with people who make you happy
I never responded to people I was not interested in, and there were people I messaged who never responded to me. I didn't take it personally and I don't think most people would either. It's a time-saver for everyone - if someone isn't interested, then why bother getting the other person's hopes up?
Choosing to be with someone you actually want to be with is anything, but shallow. I have made a few random accounts on dating sites simply because I have an odd interest in observing demographics, what percentage of people tend to be interested in what, etc. Anyway, I dont actually plan to use these so I dont have a picture or personal response, but I still get messages. Last time, I checked this one guy messaged me every day for 3 weeks. Maybe my weight, height, race, and hair color were crazy sexy because thats literally all I had up there. lol I know how you feel. I hate turning anyone down, but it something that is necessary at some point to perserve your own happiness.
You are not shallow, you gave the man and you did not like him, emotionally or physically. In fact you have done what most shallow people would not do: pay attention and/or give a chance to someone out there who you may not like at first glance. That sort of mentality is good.
You are definitely not being shallow or a jerk. You will definitely wear yourself out by trying to give every single person a chance, that will just not be humanly possible. You can be selective to some degree, everyone is in the real world. That being said, still give people a chance who spark your interest. Whether that is physically or personality. If someone you find interesting-spend your energies there.
Ahah not at all, I've never really tried that online dating thing but on the chat sites I do use I have so many guys try hit on me. I met my boyfriend on a chat site, and I'm not the type to hand out my phone number but a seriously attractive guy who was funny and seemed interesting wanted my number so I gave it to him, one of the best decisions I ever made. Face it if your attracted to someone often the first thing you judge is their looks, then you come to see what they are like as a person. My best advice it just talking to the people before you go on a date, if they ask for a date just say to them you would rather just talk first then if you like them go on a date, then you will know the person a bit, see if you like their attitude and if you get along plan a date.
No, you aren't being shallow or a jerk at all. You can't control who you're attracted to. And you shouldn't have to go out on a date with someone you don't find attractive just so you don't "seem" shallow or to make others happy.
We're all shallow in some way shape or form. If you're questioning your reasoning...then you still have it.
