Exciting scientific development

I was just given clearance to talk about this, which is something that might interest people at EC.

Several years ago, I got involved in an exciting research program. Scientists at a nearby research university came up with an idea for a drug that can change your sexual orientation. Strangely, it's not a drug to make people straight, but it makes anyone who takes it gay. Taking it one month changes your brain forever, and you become permanently gay.

I got involved because frankly I needed the money. Besides, I'd had such bad luck finding a decent girlfriend that I thought why even bother staying straight? (Unfortunately, I didn't think this decision through enough to think about societal pressures, which drove me into my closet.) So I signed up, and I got turned gay.

Originally, the drug was just a research program to get understanding about sexual orientation. The hope was the data could be used to create a drug that LGBT people can take if they want to become straight. However, the chemistry proved to be to unworkable. Plus there were budget cuts, so the project got shelved.

Shelved until now, that is. A large group which is an alliance between several major governments, and hundreds of corporations, has gotten interested in the "conversion drug." The object will be to use it to turn the world gay. Why? Well, there are a couple of good reasons:

• If everyone is gay, population will be easier to control. This is a hugely critical issue in an era of dwindling resources.
• With everyone gay, procreation will be shifted to surrogate and test tube basis. The best genetic material can be selected. The best parents can be selected. This will mean many problems (like genetic diseases) can finally be wiped out. This means children will all have the best upbringing possible.

So far, the only people opposed are ones like Westboro Baptist church.

You can already see the phase-in for the drug. The reason some Republicans are becoming more LGBT friendly is to set the stage for the roll out of the new drug.

It'll be a few years, but it will definitely be exciting! I'm glad I've got a chance to live to see this, and that I've been able to help in my small way.

 

Originally, I really didn't even notice the scientists. But during one of the early follow up visits, the drug kicked in rather abruptly. And wow! Talk about sexy! I'm afraid I rather lost control that afternoon. I got escorted out by three armed security guards, and a restraining order was slapped on me the next day.

 

I understand that the plan will be to eventually make this drug mandatory for everyone. That's why it'll be several years--the governments around the world need to set the stage for future laws requiring this conversion drug.

 

As many of you have guessed, yes, this "science experiment" I posted about is not real. Happy April-Fools' Day everyone!