I've been trying to run away from all this gender stuff lately, because of a girl i like. Ive bee seeing her for like a month but were not dating, i wont ask her out cause i feel like im hiding a big part of me and she needs to know in advance. She identifys as pansexual, and told me that meant shes open to all lgbt people. So that makes me fee a little better. But just read me as female when i first spoke to her, and i just went with that in mind i would tell her when i knew her better and not expecting to ever be thinking asking her out. I just dont want it to go the wrong way, and ruin it. I even considered pushing the gender stuff down the line in my life cause i like her too much, but the more i think i know i cant do that. And we have the same friends and go out for a drink with the same people so if it doesnt go well it could also destroy many friendships. Argh im so confused, and ideas on how to tell her? What if she doesnt take it well? Thanks for any replys
I had the same trouble with a girl I knew. I broke up with her because I felt I wasn't being honest, but we remained great friends. When I told her she was instantly cool with it. Also, in my experience (limited as it is) people are generally cooler with FtM people than MtF. I'd say tell her, honestly. Go with your heart, it can turn out better than you think, especially because she's pansexual/LGBT open.
I'd disagree. I wouldn't say anything yet. It's all a matter of weighing up the risks; decide how likely it is that your girl will accept you (I'd say quite likely, as she clearly thinks about sexuality and is open minded to it). If you're unsure, mention it in conversation. See what she thinks about transgender people. Also, some evidence that she likes you would be good (for example, her asking you out). I'm not saying not to tell her about it. Just that, if you really care about her, you might want to be quite careful about it. As soon as you feel safe, tell her, and most likely enjoy your new relationship. I would advise that you tell her before you start dating, though, or at least relatively early on in the process. Whether she minds or not, you won't want her to feel pressured.
Thanks for the replies Naran, yeah people do tend to be more cool with FtM, it sucks though. Transwomen get really targeted where as I can walk around without a problem 90 percent of the time. So unfair I'm pertty certain she does like me, not to sound big headed. But we go for a drink a few times a week, text non stop, have been on another date alone, and kiss a lot(which she started) so I think nows the time to ask for relationship Yeah I'm not sure if she will accept it though, she's open about trans people and accepts them but I'm not sure how it stands relationship wise
I don't get what the big deal about being trans is to these gay people. Being M to F I can tell you the community turns it's back to us. You still appear female so you have the right body, but I know it matters to them. I would not tell her right away, unless you are going all the way to male. I can't hide it from the guys in my case, they just sence I am her though I look male. Maybe she will accept you, just feel her out. Good luck! June
As someone who identifies as pansexual, I wouldnt care if the person i was seeing told me he was female and then admitted to being ftm. Pansexuality isnt concerned with the persons gender. She seems like a great girl. Good luck with her
Would it not alter your opinion on them though? She will be cool with it i know she will but i reckon it might destroy the chance of a relationship Yeah she is great, thanks
It could destroy it or it could make it amazing. She likes you and she's pansexual, you have the opportunity here for a real, honest, meaningful relationship! I would suggest approaching the subject slowly, but someone you can be your genuine self with is the real point of a relationship in the first place. If you aren't EVER going to be your authentic self with her the relationship is absolutely going to fail someday. Unless you feel like you would be putting yourself into some kind of danger, tell her. The possibility of getting your heart broken is scary, but having someone see the real you and love you as you are and who you are is worth the risk. Everything else is a waste of time.
